What’s the difference between a pig and a symphony orchestra conductor?

There are some things a pig just isn’t willing to do.

Two blondes were working on a house. The one who was nailing down siding, would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in. The other blonde, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, “Why are you throwing those nails away?”

The first blonde explained, “If I pull a nail out of my pouch and it’s pointed TOWARD me I throw it away ’cause it’s defective. If it’s pointed toward the HOUSE,
then I nail it in!”

The second blonde got really angry and yelled, “You moron! The nails pointed toward you aren’t defective! They’re for the OTHER side of the house!”

Q: Why does a tiger have stripes?
A: So he won’t be spotted.

The Clinton Health Plan has the:

1. Simplicity of the IRS.

2. Results of rent control.

3. Efficiency of the Post Office.

4. The fringe benefits of higher taxes

5. Management success of national debt.

6. Bureaucracy of the Dept. of Agriculture.

7. Dependency of a weather forecaster.

Q: “Hey, buddy, how late do the filkers play?”

A: “Oh, about half a beat behind…”