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Related:  Professional (+1060)      

* By the end of the party, he’s got every damn kid doing the “pull my finger” trick.

* Clown car must be started with breathalyzer device.

* Keeps screaming, “My name’s not BO-zo, it’s bo-ZO!”

* References to Kierkegaard and Nietzsche are lost on most 5-year olds.

* Props for his “disappearing” trick: a moving van and your wide-screen TV.

* Scares the holy hell outta the kids during the “Severed Limb” trick.

* Tells the kids he killed Barney in a blood match in Newark.

* Didn’t bring any balloons, but manages to twist your dachshund into other animal shapes.

* Prefaces each trick with, “here’s a little number I learned in the joint.”

* Not exactly the Peewee Herman impression you were expecting.

* Wears a T-Shirt that says, “Drug-free since March!”

* More interested in squirting seltzer into his Scotch than into his pants.

* Those huge ears look too darn life-like, and the entire act consists of showing charts and complaining about the deficit.

* A sad clown is one thing — a clown who spends the entire party with a gun to his temple is another thing entirely.

* Only balloon animals he can make are a snake and a “snake on acid.”

* Business cards include the phrase “From the Mind of Stephen King…”

* Price list includes “lap dance” and “around the world.

* All the balloon animals are ribbed and lubricated.

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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32384)      

Q. Where is an elephants sex organ?
A. In his feet. If he steps on you, you’re fucked!

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Related:  Financial (+1216)      

A nervous taxpayer was unhappily conversing with the IRS auditor who had come to review his records. At one point the auditor exclaimed, “Mr. Carr, we feel it is a great privilege to be allowed to live and work in the USA. As a citizen you have an obligation to pay taxes, and we expect you to eagerly pay them with a smile.”
“Thank God,” returned Mr. Carr, “I thought you were going to want cash!”

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Related:  Christmas (+1017)      

I’d like Father Christmas stew.
Er… how do you make Father Christmas stew?
You keep him waiting half an hour!

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Related:  Light Bulb (+1131), Q & A (+15907)      

Q: How many cabbage patch dolls does it take to change a light bulb?

A: The question is irrelevant since you couldn’t find the dolls even if you knew how many.

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