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Related:  Blonde (+4663), Q & A (+15908)      

Q: What did the blonde say when asked if she’d ever been picked up by “the fuzz”?

A: “No. But I’ve been swung around by the tits.”

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Related:  Bar (+1638)      

A wife was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband’s key in the door. “Stay where you are,” she said. “He’s so drunk he won’t even notice you’re in bed with me.” Sure enough, the husband lurched into bed none the wiser, but a few minutes later, through a drunken haze, he saw six feet sticking out at the end of the bed. He turned to his wife: “Hey, there are six feet in this bed. There should only be four. What’s going on?” “Nonsense,” said the wife. “You’re so drunk you miscounted. Get out of bed and try again. You can see better from over there.” The husband climbed out of bed and counted. “One, two, three, four. You’re right, you know.”

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Related:  Italian (+655)      

A couple were walking down the road when they passed an Italian organ grinder and his monkey. The woman stopped and handed the monkey a 20 Euro Note.
“Why did you do that,” said her husband, “I thought you hated Italians.”
“Yes I do,but they are so cute when they are little.”

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Related:  Groundhog Day (+40)      

Q: Why was the groundhog depressed about his den?
A: He was having a bad lair day!

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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32429)      

A young man walked into the local welfare office, marched straight up
to the counter and said, “Hi, I hate drawing welfare. I would really
rather find a job. The man behind the counter replied, “Your timing is
amazing. We’ve just got a listing from a very wealthy man who wants a
chauffeur/bodyguard for his nympho daughter. You’ll have to drive around
in a big black Mercedes, but the suits, shirts, and ties are provided.
Because of the long hours of this job, meals will also be provided. You
will also be required to escort the young lady on her overseas holidays.
The salary package is $200,000 a year.”. The young man said, “You’re
bullshitting me, man!” The man behind the counter said, “Well, you
started it!”

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