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On the Listening Tour, Hillary was pleased and proud that the local sandwich shop in a town she was visiting had named a sandwich after her. She was somewhat less pleased after she found out what was in it. “Mostly baloney,” said the proprietor.

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Related:  Politics (+3830)      

What is Bill’s idea of safe sex?
A locked door.

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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32427)      

There is a ship that goes out to sea and sinks. Six people (1 woman and 5 men) survive and use a raft to float to a deserted island.

After spending several weeks on the island, they all begin to get really lonely, sexually deprived lonely. So they come to this agreement: each man will marry the one woman for a week. So the first man has her for one week, then the second man has her for the second week, and so on.

Everyone will now be getting sex and they all agree to it. This goes on for five years and everyone is happy. Each man gets sex every fifth week and the woman gets to have sex whenever she wants with a different man each week.

Well, a few weeks into the fifth year, the woman dies! The first week is pretty bad, the second week is is still pretty bad, the third week it’s getting worse, the fourth week things are just bad, really bad, the fifth week it is just awful, it’s getting so bad.

Soooooo… on the sixth week…

THEY BURY HER.

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Related:  Men vs. Women (+5690)      

1. Thou shalt always fool around on your girlfriend (that way when she dumps you you can always get the last laugh).

2. Thou shalt not hose thy girlfriend’s friends unless you’re sure you can get away with it AND you do it in her bed.

3. Thou shalt never spend more than $100 without first getting in her pants.

4. Thou shalt never marry the first girl you hose after getting out of a “slump”.

5. Thou shalt never admit to being in a slump, it is always a “lull”.

6. Thou shalt always have beer in the fridge.

7. Thou shalt always blow off your girlfriend at least once a month to get drunk with your buddies.

8. Thou shalt always forget to call when performing the previous commandment.

9. Thou shalt never admit to “hogging,” it is always “a temporary alcohol induced standards derating”.

10. Thou shalt never go on a blind date with someone described as having “a good personality”.

11. Thou shalt never turn down steady pussy until it violates number four or number ten.

12. Thou shalt never eat anything high in fiber or low in cholesterol.

13. Thou shalt never drink non-alcoholic beer.

14. Thou shalt never covet thy neighbor’s wife unless she covets back.

15. Thou shalt always leave the seat up.

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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32427)      

The Norse god Thor came down to earth in his human form to find a cute human girl for some entertainment. While hanging out at a bar, he realized that the only girl who was interested in him, although attractive, had a speech impediment. However, after a few drinks, thor decided to take her to a motel anyway, where he proceeded to give her the night of her life before slipping out the door when she fell asleep.

The next day, Thor felt bad for leaving her without even telling her who he was, so he went back to earth and knocked on her door.

“Who ith it?” she asked with a lisp.

“It’s me, the guy from last night. I just wanted to tell you that I’m Thor.”

“You think YOU’RE Thor?! I won’t be able to thit down for a week!”

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