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Related:  HR (+462)      

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
When you don’t know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
Following the rules will not get the job done.
Everything can be filed under “miscellaneous.”
Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.
He who hesitates is probably right.
You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk.
People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn’t.
No matter how much you do, you never do enough.
The last person that was fired will be held responsible for everything that goes wrong.
When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.
Work is accomplished by those employees who are still striving to reach their level of incompetence.

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Related:  Lists (+737)      

1. “That URL was not found because frankly, I didn’ try hard enough.”

2. “If you continue to type that way, you’ll get Carpal Tunnel Syndrome.”

3. “The Server is not really down, its just mildly depressed.”

4. “Normally, I would complain but I’ll let that rough disk insertion slide this time.”

5. “Don’t worry, I’ll clean up that beer stain.”

6. “Its not a virus…its a STD(System Transmitted Disease).”

7. “Remember Einstein, its point then click, point then click.”

8. “That General Protection Fault is not yours.”

9. “You’re using MS Word 5.0 and that’s a weenie version so why don’t I upgrade you for free?”

10. “I hate to tell you this but you have already seen that version of the Pamela Anderson video… may I suggest another?”

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Related:  Jewish (+6996)      

So my Grandma and Grandpa were visiting Israel from the US and in a highly orthodox area. So they walked in a little shop wanting to buy a talis for a friend who’s child was having a bar-mitzvah. My grandma walks to the owner of the store and assumes that they speak only yiddish and she was struggling with her best yiddish (because they only speaked Hebrew in prayer) and was showing how big it should be and etcetc.. So about 5 minutes later another couple walked in and was looking around, found something they liked and went up to the owner and said, “How much is this in American money?”

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Related:  Technology (+1815)      

(to the tune of “Home on the Range”)

Oh give me a site,
Where the links all work right,
One that doesn’t take too long to load.
Where the text can be seen,
On my 13 – inch screen,
One that offers a “no – Java” mode.

Home, home on the Web
on my 486 IBM.
Please take pity on me,
I’m still on Netscape 3,
with a 14.4 – speed modem!

Though your video files
Give your pages some style
I can’t read them upon my PC;
Massive graphics and sound
Crash my system, I’ve found,
So please put in some “alt” tags for me!

Home, home on the Web
on my 486 IBM.
Please take pity on me,
I’m still on Netscape 3,
with a 14.4 – speed modem!

Please don’t ask me to “chat”
With your favorite cat;
I don’t have an IRC code.
And don’t ask me to buy
Games for Win 95.
My PC is way too darn old!

Home, home on the Web
on my 486 IBM.
Please take pity on me,
I’m still on Netscape 3,
with a 14.4 – speed modem!

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Related:  Politics (+3832), Q & A (+15911)      

Q: What is the difference between an intelligent liberal and Bigfoot?
A: Bigfoot has been spotted.

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