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Related:  Italian (+655)      

A man goes into his favourite Italian restaurant and orders a meal.He says to the waiter,, “by the way, how do you prepare your chicken?”
The waiter replies, “we don’t,we just tell them straight that they are going to be killed.”

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Related:  Music (+2464)      

What’s the difference between a soprano and the PLO?

You can negotiate with the PLO.

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Related:  Mother's Day (+18)      

Moms will understand these…

AMNESI
A: Condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to get pregnant again.

DUMBWAITER: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

FAMILY PLANNING: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster.

FEEDBACK: The inevitable result when your baby doesn’t appreciate the strained carrots.

FULL NAME: What you call your child when you’re mad at him.

GRANDPARENTS: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they’re sure you’re not raising them right.

HEARSAY: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

IMPREGNABLE: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.

INDEPENDENT: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.

OW: The first word spoken by children with older siblings.

PRENATAL: When your life was still somewhat your own.

PUDDLE: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.

SHOW OFF: A child who is more talented than yours.

STERILIZE: What you do to your first baby’s pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby’s pacifier by blowing on it.

TOP BUNK: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.

TWO-MINUTE WARNING: When the baby’s face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.

VERBAL: Able to whine in words.

WHODUNIT: None of the kids that live in your house.

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Related:  Music (+2464)      

David dies and goes to heaven. St Peter says ‘ how did things go for you back on earth?’ David says, ‘not too bad. I left a wife, 3 kids, a pretty good bank balance, no mortgage and my wife will get another 100,000 from the insurance.’ ‘Great’, says St Peter, ‘what was it you did while you were alive?’ ‘ Oh I was in Real estate.’ ‘Good oh, come on in’ says the St.

Bruce follows David up to the pearly gates and gets the same sort of welcome and questions. ‘yes well I left a wife and two kids, a little house in the suburbs, a few dollars in the bank, car’s paid for and they should be OK with things. Good oh , come on in.

Billy was next in line and gets the questions from the old guy. ‘yes well I left my 4th wife, most of my gears in the Cash Converters, cars rooted, never did quite make it to where I really thought I should have been.’ ‘Oh well’, says St P. ‘and which band was it that you played with?’

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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32428)      

Young man Murphy applied for an engineering position at an
Irish firm based in Dublin. An American applied for the same
job and both applicants having the same qualifications were
asked to take a test by the Department manager.

Upon completion of the test both men only missed one of the
questions. The manager went to Murphy and said, “Thank you
for your interest, but we’ve decided to give the American the
job.”

Murphy: “And why would you be doing that? We both got 9
questions correct. This being Ireland and me being Irish I
should get the job!”

Manager: “We have made our decision not on the correct
answers, but on the question you missed.”

Murphy: “And just how would one incorrect answer be better
than the other?”

Manager: “Simple. The American put down on question # 5, ‘I
don’t know.’ You put down ‘Neither do I.’”

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