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Related:  Men vs. Women (+5687), Q & A (+15911)      

Q: What is six inches long, has a bald head, and drives women crazy?

A: A hundred dollar bill.

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Related:  Music (+2463)      

1. Betty is tired of paying for clarinet reeds. If she adopts a policy of playing only on rejected reeds from her colleagues, will she be able to retire on the money she has saved if she invests it in mutual funds (yielding 8.7%) before she is fired from her job?

2. Jethro has been playing the double bass in a symphony orchestra for twelve years, three months, and seven days. Each day, his inclination to practice decreases by the equation: (Total days in the orchestra)=x .000976. Assuming that he stopped practicing altogether six months ago, how long will it be before he is completely unable to play the double bass?

3. Wilma plays in the second violin section but specializes in making disparaging remarks about conductors and other musicians. The probability of her making a negative comment is 4:7 for any given musician, and 16:17 for conductors. If there are 103 musicians in the orchestra and the orchestra sees 26 different conductors each year, how many negative comments does Wilma make in a two-year period? How does this change if five of the musicians are also conductors? What if six of the conductors are also musicians?

4. Horace is the General Manager of a symphony orchestra. He tries to hear at least four concerts a year. Assuming that at each concert the orchestra plays a minimum of three pieces, what are the chances that Horace can avoid hearing a single work by Mozart, Beethoven, or Brahms in the next ten years?

5. Susan plays in the viola section. Despite her best efforts she is unable to play with the rest of the orchestra and, on average, plays .35 seconds behind the rest of the viola section, which is already .16 seconds behind the rest of the orchestra. If the orchestra is moving into a new concert hall with a reverberation time of 2.7 seconds, will she be able to continue playing this way undetected?

6. Rosemary is unable to play in keys with more than three sharps without making an inordinate number of mistakes. Because her colleagues in the cello section are also struggling in these passages she has so far been able to escape detection. What is the total number of hours they would all have to practice to play the complete works of Richard Strauss?

7. Ralph loves to drink coffee. Each week he drinks three more cups of coffee than Harold, who drinks exactly one third the amount that the entire brass section consumes in beer. How much longer is Ralph going to live?

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Related:  Blonde (+4663), Q & A (+15911)      

Q: What do smart blondes and UFO’s have in common?

A: You always hear about them but you never see them.

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Related:  Animals (+5195)      

First snake: I hope I’m not poisonous.

Second snake: Why?

First snake: Because I bit my lip!

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Related:  Alaska (+171)      

Fred and his blonde wife went fishing in Alaska.

In the middle of nowhere where the place is filled with nothing but white snow.

They finally found a lake and so they cast their lines.

After an hour or two fred’s wife yelled. “honey come quick i got a bite.”

So Fred rush to his wife only to find out her line is lying flat and can’t see any movement.

So he said “your line not moving hon, no one is biting.

I got a bite”, she insist.

“Where ?” ask Fred.

“My foot, i got a frost bite.”

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