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The scene was Mount Olympus, where Bacchus, the Greek god of wine, had thrown a party for a pair of visiting Roman deities — Ceres, the goddess of agriculture, and Janus, the two-faced god of doors and beginnings.

Everyone over did it, more or less. Ceres at one point was staggering and turning in circles; Janus, equally submerged, was trying to dance with her. Bacchus feared that the pair might fall over, so he went to steady them. This marked the first time that a whirled Ceres was held with a double-header.

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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32425)      

Next time you have an “I hate my job” day, try this:

On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section. You will need to purchase a rectal thermometer made by “Johnson and Johnson.” Be very sure you get this brand.

When you get home, lock your doors, draw the drapes, and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed during your therapy.

Change to very comfortable clothing, such as a sweat suit and lie down on your bed.

Open the package and remove the thermometer. Carefully place it on the bedside table so that it will not become chipped or broken.

Take out the material that comes with the thermometer and read it.

You will notice that in small print there is a statement: “Every rectal thermometer made by Johnson and Johnson is personally tested.”

Now close your eyes and repeat out loud five times: “I am so glad I do not work for quality control at the Johnson and Johnson Company.”

Have a great week, and remember, there is always someone who has a worse job than you have!

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Related:  Men vs. Women (+5690), Q & A (+15909), Sex (+4814)      

Q: How does a yuppie couple perform doggie-style sex?
A: He sits up and begs and she lies down and plays dead.

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Related:  Animals (+5195)      

A hunter spots a grizzly bear 1,000 yards away, but he can’t get any closer so he aims his rifle and pulls the trigger. He can see he’s hit the bear, so he sets off after it. When he finally catches up to the bear, the bear is clutching his shoulder and says, “Was it you who shot me?”
The hunter says, “Yes.”
The bear says, “You need to be taught a lesson.” The bear strips off the hunter’s clothes, bends him over, and has his way with him.
Several minutes later the hunter struggles to his feet, pulls himself together, and vows to find that bear. He searches through the woods, up hill and dale, and then he spots it 500 yards away, aims his rifle, pulls the trigger, and sets off after it. When he catches up to the bear, the bear says, “Did you shoot me again?”
The hunter, trembling, says, “Yes.”
The bear says, “Well, maybe this’ll teach you,” whereupon it grabs up the hunter, rips off his already tattered clothing, throws him violently to the ground, and really rips him a new one.
The hunter eventually gets to his feet, naked and dazed, and he decides he’s going after the bear one more time. He trips through dense underbrush, he trudges through soupy swamps, and he treks across vast valleys, and finally he finds the bear only a hundred yards away, across a small opening. He takes careful aim, holds his breath, and pulls the trigger.
The hunter, already exhausted, sprints up to the bear.
The bear says, “Did you shoot me AGAIN?”
The hunter says, “Yep.”
So the bear says, “You didn’t really come here to hunt, did you?”

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Related:  Bear (+406)      

It’s a sunny morning in the big forest and the Bear family is just waking up. Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty!

“Who’s been eating my porridge?!” he squeaks.

Daddy Bear arrives at the table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl. It is also empty!

“Who’s been eating my porridge?!” he roars.

Mummy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and screams:

“For Heaven’s sake, how many times do we have to go through this? I haven’t even started making the damn the porridge yet!”

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