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Freda had just finished her fish dinner. She was, however, not at all happy with it, so she called over the waiter.
“I’ve tasted fresher fish,” said Freda.
“Not in here,” replied the waiter.

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Mr & Mrs Goldberg had just got married. On their way to their honeymoon, Mr Goldberg said to his new wife “Would you have married me if my father hadn’t left me a fortune?”
She replied, “Darling, I would have married you no matter who had left you a fortune.”

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Q: What do you call a Torah with a seat belt?
A: A Safer Torah!

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Sadie and Maurice Goldberg were celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary with a group of friends at Blooms in Golders Green. But Maurice looked unhappy so his best friend Michael, a solicitor, went over to him.
“What’s the matter, Maurice”, he asked. “Why do you look so sad.”
“Do you remember on my 5th anniversary I asked you what would happen if I murdered Sadie?”
“Yes”, answered Michael, “I said you would get 20 years in jail.”
“Well”, said Maurice, “I would have been a free man tonight!”

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Q: How does an Israeli man commit suicide?
A: He jumps from his ego to his IQ.

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