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Solly, an orthodox Jew, goes to a job interview with a gentile employer.
In the course of the interview, which was going well, the employer asks Solly what kind of salary he is looking for.
Thinking of his large family and the many bills that have to be paid, Solly quickly replies that he’d needs around

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“Listen to me, Mr. Levy,” said the doctor. “If you ever expect to cure your insomnia, you will have to stop taking your trouble to bed with you.”
“I know, but I can’t,” said Herb Levy. “My wife refuses to sleep alone.”

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Moishe had been single for a long time. One day, he excitedly tells his mother that he’s fallen in love at last and he is going to get married. She is obviously overjoyed.
Moishe then tells his mother, “Just for fun, Mum, I’m going to bring over 3 women and you try and guess which one I’m going to marry.”
His mother agrees.
The next day, Moishe brings 3 beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they all chat for a while. Then Moishe turns to his mother and says, “Okay, Mum. Guess which one I’m going to marry?”
She immediately replies, “The red-head in the middle.”
“That’s amazing, Mum. You’re right. How did you know?”
“I don’t like her.”

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An Arab was walking through the Sahara desert, desperate for water, when he saw something, far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he walked towards the image, only to find Hymie sitting at a card table with a bunch of ties laid out on it.
The Arab asked “Please, I’m dying of thirst, can I have some water?”.
Hymie replied “I don’t have any water, but why don’t you buy a tie? Here’s one that goes nicely with your robes.”
The Arab replied, “I don’t want a tie, I need water.”
“OK, don’t buy a tie. But to show you what a nice guy I am, I’ll tell you that over that hill there, about 4 miles, is a nice restaurant. Walk that way, they’ll give you all the water you want.”
The Arab thanked him and walked away towards the hill and eventually disappeared. Three hours later the Arab came crawling back to where Hymie was sitting behind his card table.
Hymie said “I told you, about 4 miles over that hill. Couldn’t you find it?”
The Arab rasped, “I found it all right. But they wouldn’t let me in without a tie.”

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They tried to kill us.
We won.
Let’s eat.

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