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Q: What do you call a Torah with a seat belt?
A: A Safer Torah!

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Sadie and Maurice Goldberg were celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary with a group of friends at Blooms in Golders Green. But Maurice looked unhappy so his best friend Michael, a solicitor, went over to him.
“What’s the matter, Maurice”, he asked. “Why do you look so sad.”
“Do you remember on my 5th anniversary I asked you what would happen if I murdered Sadie?”
“Yes”, answered Michael, “I said you would get 20 years in jail.”
“Well”, said Maurice, “I would have been a free man tonight!”

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Q: How does an Israeli man commit suicide?
A: He jumps from his ego to his IQ.

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David, a senior citizen, was driving down the M25 towards Edgware, when his mobile phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife’s voice urgently warning him, “David, I just heard on the news that there’s a car going the wrong way down the M25. So please be careful!”
“Hell,” said David, “It’s not just one… there are dozens of them!”

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Solly, an orthodox Jew, goes to a job interview with a gentile employer.
In the course of the interview, which was going well, the employer asks Solly what kind of salary he is looking for.
Thinking of his large family and the many bills that have to be paid, Solly quickly replies that he’d needs around

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