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Naomi, being still unmarried, was bored one evening. So she decided to go to a London casino for the first time ever and was persuaded to play roulette. She asked someone at the table the best way to pick a number. He suggested putting her money on her age. So, she put ten chips on the number 28. When the number 34 came up, she fainted.

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A classic example of chutzpa is someone who kills his father and mother, then throws himself on the mercy of the court because he is an orphan.

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Abe goes to see his boss and says, “we’re doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow for Pesach and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff.”
“We’re short-handed, Abe,” the boss replies. “I just can’t give you the day off.”
“Thanks, boss.” says Abe, “I knew I could count on you!”

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Issy rings the bell of a very wealthy person’s house in Hampstead Garden Suburb and when the owner comes to the door, Issy greets him.
“Sholom Aleichem, Mr. Goldstein. I’m collecting for the Loads of Money Yeshivah, and I’m wondering if a nice wealthy Jewish person like yourself wouldn’t want to make a little contribution.”
“The name is Gold, not Goldstein, and I am not Jewish.”
“Are you sure?” asks Issy.
“I’m positive”.
“But”, says Issy, “it says here that you’re Jewish and my records are never wrong.”
“I can assure you that I am certainly not Jewish”, replies Mr Gold impatiently.
“Look sir, I know that my records are never wrong. You must be joking. Are you sure you aren’t Jewish?” demands Issy.
“For the last time, I am not Jewish, my father is not Jewish, and my grandfather, alav hashalom, wasn’t Jewish either!”

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Issy and Jacob are walking down Golders Green High Street when it starts to rain, and in no time at all, it’s raining quite hard. Luckily, Issy is carrying an umbrella.
“Nu,” says Jacob. “So when are you going to open the umbrella?”
“It won’t do us any good,” says Issy. “It’s full of holes.”
“So why then did you bring it?” replies Jacob.
“Because,” Issy says with shrug, “I didn’t think it would rain.”

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