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A group of elderly Jewish men meet every Wednesday in Brent Cross for a coffee and a chat. They drink their coffee and then sit for hours discussing the world situation. Usually, their discussion is very negative.
One day, Moishe surprises his friends by announcing, loud and clear, “You know what? I’ve now become an optimist.”
Everyone is totally shocked and all conversation dries up.
But then Sam notices something isn’t quite right and he says to Moishe, “Hold on a minute, if you’re an optimist, why are you looking so worried?”
Moishe replies, “Do you think it’s easy being an optimist?”

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Sadie and Maurice Goldberg were celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary with a group of friends at Blooms in Golders Green. But Maurice looked unhappy so his best friend Michael, a solicitor, went over to him.
“What’s the matter, Maurice”, he asked. “Why do you look so sad.”
“Do you remember on my 5th anniversary I asked you what would happen if I murdered Sadie?”
“Yes”, answered Michael, “I said you would get 20 years in jail.”
“Well”, said Maurice, “I would have been a free man tonight!”

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Two friends meet in the street. One says, “Is it true, Isaac, that your mother-in law is ill?”
“Yes.”
“In fact, Isaac, I heard that she was in hospital.”
“Yes.”
“How long has she been in hospital, Isaac?”
Isaac replies, “In 3 weeks time, please G-d, it will be a month.”

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Q: How does an Israeli man commit suicide?
A: He jumps from his ego to his IQ.

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David, a senior citizen, was driving down the M25 towards Edgware, when his mobile phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife’s voice urgently warning him, “David, I just heard on the news that there’s a car going the wrong way down the M25. So please be careful!”
“Hell,” said David, “It’s not just one… there are dozens of them!”

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