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Mr & Mrs Goldberg had just got married. On their way to their honeymoon, Mr Goldberg said to his new wife “Would you have married me if my father hadn’t left me a fortune?”
She replied, “Darling, I would have married you no matter who had left you a fortune.”

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Doctor Jacobs finished his examination and informed Herman that he was in perfect health. “But what about my headaches?” Herman moaned.
“I’m not at all worried about your headaches,” Dr. Jacobs replied.
“If you had my headaches, doctor, I wouldn’t worry about them either,” said Herman.

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Q: What do you call a Torah with a seat belt?
A: A Safer Torah!

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A group of elderly Jewish men meet every Wednesday in Brent Cross for a coffee and a chat. They drink their coffee and then sit for hours discussing the world situation. Usually, their discussion is very negative.
One day, Moishe surprises his friends by announcing, loud and clear, “You know what? I’ve now become an optimist.”
Everyone is totally shocked and all conversation dries up.
But then Sam notices something isn’t quite right and he says to Moishe, “Hold on a minute, if you’re an optimist, why are you looking so worried?”
Moishe replies, “Do you think it’s easy being an optimist?”

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Sadie and Maurice Goldberg were celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary with a group of friends at Blooms in Golders Green. But Maurice looked unhappy so his best friend Michael, a solicitor, went over to him.
“What’s the matter, Maurice”, he asked. “Why do you look so sad.”
“Do you remember on my 5th anniversary I asked you what would happen if I murdered Sadie?”
“Yes”, answered Michael, “I said you would get 20 years in jail.”
“Well”, said Maurice, “I would have been a free man tonight!”

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