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Mrs. Levy was talking to her neighbour. “Oy, my daughter-in-law is just so lazy! She sleeps until after ten o’clock every single morning! My poor son, Solomon, wakes up at the crack of dawn and has to make his own breakfast. The house she won’t clean; she made my Solomon get her a maid so she wouldn’t have to lift a finger. Then, when he comes home after a long, hard day at work, Solomon has to make dinner because she can’t be bothered even with that!”
The neighbour sighs and asks, “Nu… and how is your daughter?”
“Oh, now my daughter Rivka has an absolute gem of a husband. He insists my Rivka pamper herself by sleeping late in the morning; he hired help so she shouldn’t have to work so hard, and he even comes home from work and tells her to relax while he takes care of dinner!”

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Naomi, being still unmarried, was bored one evening. So she decided to go to a London casino for the first time ever and was persuaded to play roulette. She asked someone at the table the best way to pick a number. He suggested putting her money on her age. So, she put ten chips on the number 28. When the number 34 came up, she fainted.

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Related:  Jewish (+6997)      

A classic example of chutzpa is someone who kills his father and mother, then throws himself on the mercy of the court because he is an orphan.

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Related:  Jewish (+6997)      

Abe goes to see his boss and says, “we’re doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow for Pesach and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff.”
“We’re short-handed, Abe,” the boss replies. “I just can’t give you the day off.”
“Thanks, boss.” says Abe, “I knew I could count on you!”

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Related:  Jewish (+6997)      

Issy rings the bell of a very wealthy person’s house in Hampstead Garden Suburb and when the owner comes to the door, Issy greets him.
“Sholom Aleichem, Mr. Goldstein. I’m collecting for the Loads of Money Yeshivah, and I’m wondering if a nice wealthy Jewish person like yourself wouldn’t want to make a little contribution.”
“The name is Gold, not Goldstein, and I am not Jewish.”
“Are you sure?” asks Issy.
“I’m positive”.
“But”, says Issy, “it says here that you’re Jewish and my records are never wrong.”
“I can assure you that I am certainly not Jewish”, replies Mr Gold impatiently.
“Look sir, I know that my records are never wrong. You must be joking. Are you sure you aren’t Jewish?” demands Issy.
“For the last time, I am not Jewish, my father is not Jewish, and my grandfather, alav hashalom, wasn’t Jewish either!”

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