Joke's Database
     
Have fun searching 100254 jokes and pictures!


Related:  Jewish (+6997), Professional (+1060)      

Maurice Bloom had just picked up his first passenger of the evening. After about 5 minutes of driving, the passenger suddenly tapped Maurice on his shoulder to ask him a question.
Maurice screamed, lost control of his taxi, nearly hit a bus, went up onto the pavement and stopped only inches from a shop window.
For a second, everything went very quiet in the taxi, then Maurice said, “Look mate, don’t ever do that again. You scared the living daylights out of me.”
His passenger apologised and said, “I didn’t realise that a little tap could scare you so much.”
Maurice replied, “Sorry, it’s not really your fault. Today is only my second day as a cab driver – I’ve been driving hearses for the past 25 years.”

Share on Facebook!    Share on Twitter!    Share on Reddit!    Share on Stumbleupon!    Share on LinkedIn!    Share on Google!    Share with friends
Related:  HR (+462), Jewish (+6997)      

Bernie met his friend Alf in the street one day. As Alf was interested in how Bernie’s new job was going, especially as he was working for a Jewish firm, he asked. “How’s the new job going? Is it what you hoped it would be?”
Bernie replied, “Working for a Jewish firm is not all it’s cracked up to be. I handed in my notice yesterday.”
Alf asked, “Why?”
Bernie replied, “The firm is so keen to improve its profitability, it wants every part of me to contribute 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.”
Bernie went on to show Alf a page taken from his Office Manual. Bernie said, “Read this, this is why I resigned.”

HOLIDAYS. Employee’s holidays are considered by the directors to be completely unnecessary. All employees should realise that they are lucky to be employed. Should anyone demand a holiday entitlement, this will be considered by the directors as being disloyal, the firm will assume that the employee must be unhappy in his/her work and will cease to be considered an asset to the firm. Dismissal will therefore have to be seriously considered by the directors.
SICKNESS. The directors will consider it a sign of weakness should an employee fall ill. It is the duty of every employee to look after his/her health and therefore be available for duty on every working day. A visit to the doctor by an employee is considered totally unnecessary. If they are well enough to visit the doctor, they are well enough to come to work.
DEATH – OTHER THAN OF THE EMPLOYEE. If a relative or friend has died, unfortunate as this may be, there is obviously nothing more that can be done for them. Therefore, the directors will not accept such a death as a legitimate excuse for not coming into work. Funerals, if employees must attend them, will have to be arranged outside of working hours.
DEATH – OF THE EMPLOYEE. If an employee’s death should occur prior to the mandatory retirement age, the employee should have arranged a replacement for himself or herself before inflicting this inconvenience on the firm.

Share on Facebook!    Share on Twitter!    Share on Reddit!    Share on Stumbleupon!    Share on LinkedIn!    Share on Google!    Share with friends
Related:  Law (+1200)      

Morris walked into a lawyer’s office and inquired about the lawyer’s rates. “$150 for three questions,” replied the lawyer.
“Isn’t that awfully steep?” asked Morris.
“Yes,” the lawyer replied, “and what was your third question?”

Share on Facebook!    Share on Twitter!    Share on Reddit!    Share on Stumbleupon!    Share on LinkedIn!    Share on Google!    Share with friends
Related:  Jewish (+6997)      

Moshe goes to see his Rabbi. “Rabbi, last week I missed saying grace after meals.”
“Why,” asked the Rabbi.
“Because I forgot to wash my hands before the meal.”
“That’s twice you’ve broken the law but you still haven’t told me why.”
“The food wasn’t kosher.”
“You ate non-kosher food?” asked the Rabbi.
“It wasn’t a Jewish restaurant.”
“That makes it even worse,” said the now angry Rabbi. “Couldn’t you have eaten in a kosher one?”
“What, on Yom Kippur?”

Share on Facebook!    Share on Twitter!    Share on Reddit!    Share on Stumbleupon!    Share on LinkedIn!    Share on Google!    Share with friends
Related:  Jewish (+6997)      

Shirley sat next to Hette, a middle aged lady, in shul one Shabbos. She couldn’t help but notice Hette’s wonderful, huge diamond ring on her wedding finger. Shirley sat there staring at it but couldn’t hold out any longer and said to Hette, “I hope you don’t mind me saying this but I just have to let you know that I think that your ring is the most beautiful ring I have ever seen.”
“Oy vay,” said Hette. “Thank you for saying that. This definitely is a beautiful diamond ring, but unfortunately, it has a curse as well.”
“What do you mean?” said Shirley.
Hette replied, “Don’t you know that this is the Katz diamond?”
Shirley replied, “The Katz diamond?”
“Yes, the Katz diamond, and the Katz diamond has a curse.”
“But what ever is this curse?” asked Shirley.
“Mr Katz.”

Share on Facebook!    Share on Twitter!    Share on Reddit!    Share on Stumbleupon!    Share on LinkedIn!    Share on Google!    Share with friends


© 2015 ijokedb.com