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Related:  Jewish (+6996)      

Rebecca goes to see her Rabbi. He can see right away that she is angry. She immediately tells him that she wants a divorce.
“Why, what’s the matter?” he asks.
Rebecca replies, “I have a strong suspicion that he’s not the father of our youngest child!”

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Related:  Jewish (+6996)      

Abbe Caponovitch, a Jewish gangster, was dining at a kosher restaurant on New York’s Lower East Side, when members of the mob burst in and shot him full of lead. Abbe managed to stagger out of the restaurant and stumbled up the street to the block where his mother lived. Clutching his bleeding stomach, he then crawled up the stairs and banged on the door of his mother’s apartment, screaming, “Mama, Mama! Help me, Mama!”
His mother opened the door, eyed him up and down and said: “Bubbeleh, come in. First you eat, then you talk!”

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Related:  Jewish (+6996)      

Mrs. Levy was talking to her neighbour. “Oy, my daughter-in-law is just so lazy! She sleeps until after ten o’clock every single morning! My poor son, Solomon, wakes up at the crack of dawn and has to make his own breakfast. The house she won’t clean; she made my Solomon get her a maid so she wouldn’t have to lift a finger. Then, when he comes home after a long, hard day at work, Solomon has to make dinner because she can’t be bothered even with that!”
The neighbour sighs and asks, “Nu… and how is your daughter?”
“Oh, now my daughter Rivka has an absolute gem of a husband. He insists my Rivka pamper herself by sleeping late in the morning; he hired help so she shouldn’t have to work so hard, and he even comes home from work and tells her to relax while he takes care of dinner!”

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Related:  Women (+410)      

Naomi, being still unmarried, was bored one evening. So she decided to go to a London casino for the first time ever and was persuaded to play roulette. She asked someone at the table the best way to pick a number. He suggested putting her money on her age. So, she put ten chips on the number 28. When the number 34 came up, she fainted.

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Related:  Jewish (+6996)      

A classic example of chutzpa is someone who kills his father and mother, then throws himself on the mercy of the court because he is an orphan.

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