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Related:  Jewish (+6997)      

One day, Bernie was trying to pull out of a parking place but to his horror, he hit the bumper of the car parked in front of him. To make matters worse, the incident was witnessed by a handful of people waiting for a bus.
So Bernie got out of his car, inspected the damage carefully, took out a pen and a piece of paper and wrote a note, which he then left under the wiper blade of the other car.
This is what the note said. “Hello, I have just hit your car and there are some people here watching me. They think I am writing this note to leave you my name, phone number and car registration number. But I am not.”

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Related:  Jewish (+6997)      

Hette was a very successful businesswoman. In 2001, she had such a good year that she bought herself a Rolls Royce. But a couple of weeks later, she took it back to the dealer and complained that there were odd, wheezing noises coming from the front end of the car. The dealer had the car checked and telephoned Hette. ‘We can’t find anything wrong with the car, as we expected. There’s only one possible explanation,’ he said. ‘Your chauffeur must have asthma’.

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Related:  Jewish (+6997)      

Did you hear about the Israeli doctor who has invented a pill that is a combination of a tranquilliser and Viagra. Soon after you take it, you get an urge to make love to a woman – but if you can’t find one, you just don’t care.

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Related:  Jewish (+6997), Professional (+1059)      

Maurice Bloom had just picked up his first passenger of the evening. After about 5 minutes of driving, the passenger suddenly tapped Maurice on his shoulder to ask him a question.
Maurice screamed, lost control of his taxi, nearly hit a bus, went up onto the pavement and stopped only inches from a shop window.
For a second, everything went very quiet in the taxi, then Maurice said, “Look mate, don’t ever do that again. You scared the living daylights out of me.”
His passenger apologised and said, “I didn’t realise that a little tap could scare you so much.”
Maurice replied, “Sorry, it’s not really your fault. Today is only my second day as a cab driver – I’ve been driving hearses for the past 25 years.”

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Related:  HR (+462), Jewish (+6997)      

Bernie met his friend Alf in the street one day. As Alf was interested in how Bernie’s new job was going, especially as he was working for a Jewish firm, he asked. “How’s the new job going? Is it what you hoped it would be?”
Bernie replied, “Working for a Jewish firm is not all it’s cracked up to be. I handed in my notice yesterday.”
Alf asked, “Why?”
Bernie replied, “The firm is so keen to improve its profitability, it wants every part of me to contribute 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.”
Bernie went on to show Alf a page taken from his Office Manual. Bernie said, “Read this, this is why I resigned.”

HOLIDAYS. Employee’s holidays are considered by the directors to be completely unnecessary. All employees should realise that they are lucky to be employed. Should anyone demand a holiday entitlement, this will be considered by the directors as being disloyal, the firm will assume that the employee must be unhappy in his/her work and will cease to be considered an asset to the firm. Dismissal will therefore have to be seriously considered by the directors.
SICKNESS. The directors will consider it a sign of weakness should an employee fall ill. It is the duty of every employee to look after his/her health and therefore be available for duty on every working day. A visit to the doctor by an employee is considered totally unnecessary. If they are well enough to visit the doctor, they are well enough to come to work.
DEATH – OTHER THAN OF THE EMPLOYEE. If a relative or friend has died, unfortunate as this may be, there is obviously nothing more that can be done for them. Therefore, the directors will not accept such a death as a legitimate excuse for not coming into work. Funerals, if employees must attend them, will have to be arranged outside of working hours.
DEATH – OF THE EMPLOYEE. If an employee’s death should occur prior to the mandatory retirement age, the employee should have arranged a replacement for himself or herself before inflicting this inconvenience on the firm.

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