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Q: Why are many Jewish girls still single these days?
A: They have not yet met Dr. Right.

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An Israeli marries an Englishman and they decide to live in London. Although she cannot speak much English, she manages to communicate with her husband. However, problems always arise whenever she goes out shopping.
One day, she goes to the butchers to buy some chicken legs, but she doesn’t know how to ask for them. In desperation, she lifts up her skirt and shows him her thighs. The butcher gets the message and she leaves with chicken legs.
The next day she needs some chicken breasts. Again, she can’t describe in words what she needs to buy, so she unbuttons her blouse and shows the butcher her breasts. Again, she gets what she wants.
On the third day she goes out to buy some sausages. She brings her husband to the butcher shop and… So what does she do?

What were you thinking? Her husband speaks English.

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One day, Jacob, a Russian Jew slipped on the wet riverbank and fell into the water. Unfortunately, Jacob could not swim and was in serious danger of drowning. Two Tsarist policemen heard cries for help and rushed over. But when they saw that it was a Jew, they laughed and just stood their watching him drown.
“Help, I can’t swim,” shouted Jacob.
“Then you will just have to drown,” they replied.
Suddenly Jacob shouts with his last breath: “Down with the Tsar!”
The policemen immediately rushed into the river, pulled Jacob out, and arrested him for trouble making.

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One day, Freda said to her husband Tony “If we were rich, we’d spend six months a year in Florida, six months a year in Eilat, and six months a year in Spain.”
“But dear, I make that eighteen months in a year on holiday!” said Tony.
“Absolutely, darling. Isn’t is wonderful what one can do with money these days?”

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Relationships
Moishe and his wife Sadie are having dinner at an upmarket restaurant in Golders Green when an attractive young redhead walks by, smiles at Moishe and says, “Hello Moishe.”
Sadie immediately asks, “And who was that girl who just spoke to you?”
Moishe replies, “Oh her, that’s my mistress.”
“You have a mistress? I don’t believe you. How long has this been going on?” says Sadie.
“About ten years, on and off.” answers Moishe.
“Ten years?”, says Sadie. “You bastard! I’ll see a solicitor tomorrow and start divorce proceedings. I’ll ruin you, you wait and see.”
“Now hold on Sadie,” responds Moishe, “just think about it for a minute. If we get a divorce, you will only get only half of what we have together now. You won’t have our big house in Hampstead, you’ll no longer get a new Lexus as your birthday present from me each year, you won’t be able to play golf all day with your friends, you won’t… .”
But before Moishe can continue, a blonde walks past and says to him, “Hello, nice to see you again.”
Sadie asks, “And who was that, another of your ‘girls’?”
Moishe replies, “No, that’s Hyme’s mistress.”
“You mean that Hyme also has a mistress?” says Sadie, surprised.
Moishe answers, “Of course, she’s been with him for nearly twelve years.”
Sadie then says, proudly, “I like ours a lot better.”

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