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One day, Freda said to her husband Tony “If we were rich, we’d spend six months a year in Florida, six months a year in Eilat, and six months a year in Spain.”
“But dear, I make that eighteen months in a year on holiday!” said Tony.
“Absolutely, darling. Isn’t is wonderful what one can do with money these days?”

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Relationships
Moishe and his wife Sadie are having dinner at an upmarket restaurant in Golders Green when an attractive young redhead walks by, smiles at Moishe and says, “Hello Moishe.”
Sadie immediately asks, “And who was that girl who just spoke to you?”
Moishe replies, “Oh her, that’s my mistress.”
“You have a mistress? I don’t believe you. How long has this been going on?” says Sadie.
“About ten years, on and off.” answers Moishe.
“Ten years?”, says Sadie. “You bastard! I’ll see a solicitor tomorrow and start divorce proceedings. I’ll ruin you, you wait and see.”
“Now hold on Sadie,” responds Moishe, “just think about it for a minute. If we get a divorce, you will only get only half of what we have together now. You won’t have our big house in Hampstead, you’ll no longer get a new Lexus as your birthday present from me each year, you won’t be able to play golf all day with your friends, you won’t… .”
But before Moishe can continue, a blonde walks past and says to him, “Hello, nice to see you again.”
Sadie asks, “And who was that, another of your ‘girls’?”
Moishe replies, “No, that’s Hyme’s mistress.”
“You mean that Hyme also has a mistress?” says Sadie, surprised.
Moishe answers, “Of course, she’s been with him for nearly twelve years.”
Sadie then says, proudly, “I like ours a lot better.”

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One day, Bernie was trying to pull out of a parking place but to his horror, he hit the bumper of the car parked in front of him. To make matters worse, the incident was witnessed by a handful of people waiting for a bus.
So Bernie got out of his car, inspected the damage carefully, took out a pen and a piece of paper and wrote a note, which he then left under the wiper blade of the other car.
This is what the note said. “Hello, I have just hit your car and there are some people here watching me. They think I am writing this note to leave you my name, phone number and car registration number. But I am not.”

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Hette was a very successful businesswoman. In 2001, she had such a good year that she bought herself a Rolls Royce. But a couple of weeks later, she took it back to the dealer and complained that there were odd, wheezing noises coming from the front end of the car. The dealer had the car checked and telephoned Hette. ‘We can’t find anything wrong with the car, as we expected. There’s only one possible explanation,’ he said. ‘Your chauffeur must have asthma’.

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Did you hear about the Israeli doctor who has invented a pill that is a combination of a tranquilliser and Viagra. Soon after you take it, you get an urge to make love to a woman – but if you can’t find one, you just don’t care.

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