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Related:  Jewish (+6994)      

Show me a Jewish boy who didn’t become a doctor and I’ll show you a lawyer.

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Related:  Business (+60)      

Morris and Bernard met in a restaurant for a business lunch.
Morris said, “I have a good deal for you, Bernard. When I was in London Zoo recently, I happened to pick up an elephant they didn’t need any more. I could let you have it for three thousand pounds.”
Bernard sipped his gin and tonic and said, “Morris, what am I going to do with an elephant? I live in a third floor flat. I barely have room for my furniture. I can’t even squeeze in a card table. So you think I’m going to buy an elephant?”
Morris said, “I could let you have three of them for two grand.”
“Aha,” said Bernard, “now you’re talking!”

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Related:  Jewish (+6994)      

Harry and Alf are bragging with each other about their recent fishing expeditions.
“Harry says, “I caught a fish so huge, it must have weighed 50 lbs!”
“That’s nothing,” scoffs Alf, “I caught an antique lamp. It had a date of 1837 engraved on it: the date when Queen Victoria came to the throne. And you know what? The lamp was still lit!”
Harry stared at his friend incredulously and then replied, slowly, “Listen Alf, I’ll tell you what, we must stop this boasting – so how’s this for a compromise? I will say my fish weighed only 5 lbs and you… well, you put your light out!”

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Related:  Jewish (+6994)      

Rebecca goes to see her Rabbi. He can see right away that she is angry. She immediately tells him that she wants a divorce.
“Why, what’s the matter?” he asks.
Rebecca replies, “I have a strong suspicion that he’s not the father of our youngest child!”

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Related:  Jewish (+6994)      

Mrs. Levy was talking to her neighbour. “Oy, my daughter-in-law is just so lazy! She sleeps until after ten o’clock every single morning! My poor son, Solomon, wakes up at the crack of dawn and has to make his own breakfast. The house she won’t clean; she made my Solomon get her a maid so she wouldn’t have to lift a finger. Then, when he comes home after a long, hard day at work, Solomon has to make dinner because she can’t be bothered even with that!”
The neighbour sighs and asks, “Nu… and how is your daughter?”
“Oh, now my daughter Rivka has an absolute gem of a husband. He insists my Rivka pamper herself by sleeping late in the morning; he hired help so she shouldn’t have to work so hard, and he even comes home from work and tells her to relax while he takes care of dinner!”

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