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Related:  Jewish (+6994)      

An Israeli marries an Englishman and they decide to live in London. Although she cannot speak much English, she manages to communicate with her husband. However, problems always arise whenever she goes out shopping.
One day, she goes to the butchers to buy some chicken legs, but she doesn’t know how to ask for them. In desperation, she lifts up her skirt and shows him her thighs. The butcher gets the message and she leaves with chicken legs.
The next day she needs some chicken breasts. Again, she can’t describe in words what she needs to buy, so she unbuttons her blouse and shows the butcher her breasts. Again, she gets what she wants.
On the third day she goes out to buy some sausages. She brings her husband to the butcher shop and… So what does she do?

What were you thinking? Her husband speaks English.

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Related:  Jewish (+6994)      

One day, Freda said to her husband Tony “If we were rich, we’d spend six months a year in Florida, six months a year in Eilat, and six months a year in Spain.”
“But dear, I make that eighteen months in a year on holiday!” said Tony.
“Absolutely, darling. Isn’t is wonderful what one can do with money these days?”

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Related:  Jewish (+6994)      

One day, Bernie was trying to pull out of a parking place but to his horror, he hit the bumper of the car parked in front of him. To make matters worse, the incident was witnessed by a handful of people waiting for a bus.
So Bernie got out of his car, inspected the damage carefully, took out a pen and a piece of paper and wrote a note, which he then left under the wiper blade of the other car.
This is what the note said. “Hello, I have just hit your car and there are some people here watching me. They think I am writing this note to leave you my name, phone number and car registration number. But I am not.”

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Related:  Jewish (+6994)      

Did you hear about the Israeli doctor who has invented a pill that is a combination of a tranquilliser and Viagra. Soon after you take it, you get an urge to make love to a woman – but if you can’t find one, you just don’t care.

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Related:  Jewish (+6994), Professional (+1058)      

Maurice Bloom had just picked up his first passenger of the evening. After about 5 minutes of driving, the passenger suddenly tapped Maurice on his shoulder to ask him a question.
Maurice screamed, lost control of his taxi, nearly hit a bus, went up onto the pavement and stopped only inches from a shop window.
For a second, everything went very quiet in the taxi, then Maurice said, “Look mate, don’t ever do that again. You scared the living daylights out of me.”
His passenger apologised and said, “I didn’t realise that a little tap could scare you so much.”
Maurice replied, “Sorry, it’s not really your fault. Today is only my second day as a cab driver – I’ve been driving hearses for the past 25 years.”

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