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Related:  Jewish (+6994), Sex (+4810)      

Ask any man and he will tell you that any woman’s ultimate fantasy is to have two men at once. While this has been verified by a recent sociological study, it appears that most men do not realize that in the Jewish version of this fantasy, one man is cooking and the other is cleaning.

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Related:  Jewish (+6994), Kids (+2428)      

Little Benny and little Sarah are at Edgware infants’ school. One day during lunch, Sarah says, “Benny, do you want to play mummies and daddies with me?”
Benny replies, “OK. What do you want me to do?”
“I want you to communicate your thoughts,” she says.
“Communicate my thoughts?” says Benny, “I have no idea what that means.”
Sarah instantly smirks and with a knowing look says, “That’s fine then. You can be the daddy.”

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Related:  Jewish (+6994), Marriage (+787)      

Hette arrives home quite late one night and says to her worried Moishe, “Sorry I’m late. I had to come home by train, as I couldn’t get my car to start. But I’m sure I know why.”
“So what’s the problem then, my mechanical engineer of a wife?” asks Moishe.
“I think there’s water in the carburettor,” replies Hette.
“How on earth can you know that?” says Moishe. “You don’t even know how to open the bonnet or to change the time on the car’s clock yet alone know where the carburettor is.”
“Maybe so,” says Hette, “but I still think there’s water in it.”
Moishe then says, “OK, I’ll go along with you. Let’s check it out right now. Where did you leave the car?”
Hette replies, “In the lake!”

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Related:  Christmas (+1015), Jewish (+6994)      

Father Christmas was on duty, working in the Brent Cross Shopping Centre. When a little girl comes up to his table, Santa asks her, “What’s your name, dear, and what do you want for Christmas?”
The girl replies, “My name is Mary and I would like a new Barbie doll for Christmas, please.”
Santa tells her, “I will add your Barbie doll to my list, but for now, please take a present from my toy sack.”
Then a little boy comes up to his table. Santa asks him, “What’s your name, boy, and what do you want for Christmas?”
The boy replies, “My name is Peter and I want a Harry Potter remote control car for Christmas.”
Santa tells him, “I will add your Harry Potter car to my list, but for now, please take a present from my toy sack.”
Then another little boy comes up to his table. Santa asks him, “What’s your name, handsome, and what do you want for Christmas?”
The boy replies, “My name is Moishe and I’m Jewish. I’m not allowed to ask for anything from Santa.”
Santa points to his toy sack and whispers in the boy’s ear, “Nem tzvay.” (take two)

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Related:  Jewish (+6994)      

Q: Why are many Jewish girls still single these days?
A: They have not yet met Dr. Right.

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