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One day, Jacob, a Russian Jew slipped on the wet riverbank and fell into the water. Unfortunately, Jacob could not swim and was in serious danger of drowning. Two Tsarist policemen heard cries for help and rushed over. But when they saw that it was a Jew, they laughed and just stood their watching him drown.
“Help, I can’t swim,” shouted Jacob.
“Then you will just have to drown,” they replied.
Suddenly Jacob shouts with his last breath: “Down with the Tsar!”
The policemen immediately rushed into the river, pulled Jacob out, and arrested him for trouble making.

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One day, Freda said to her husband Tony “If we were rich, we’d spend six months a year in Florida, six months a year in Eilat, and six months a year in Spain.”
“But dear, I make that eighteen months in a year on holiday!” said Tony.
“Absolutely, darling. Isn’t is wonderful what one can do with money these days?”

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One day, Bernie was trying to pull out of a parking place but to his horror, he hit the bumper of the car parked in front of him. To make matters worse, the incident was witnessed by a handful of people waiting for a bus.
So Bernie got out of his car, inspected the damage carefully, took out a pen and a piece of paper and wrote a note, which he then left under the wiper blade of the other car.
This is what the note said. “Hello, I have just hit your car and there are some people here watching me. They think I am writing this note to leave you my name, phone number and car registration number. But I am not.”

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Hette was a very successful businesswoman. In 2001, she had such a good year that she bought herself a Rolls Royce. But a couple of weeks later, she took it back to the dealer and complained that there were odd, wheezing noises coming from the front end of the car. The dealer had the car checked and telephoned Hette. ‘We can’t find anything wrong with the car, as we expected. There’s only one possible explanation,’ he said. ‘Your chauffeur must have asthma’.

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Did you hear about the Israeli doctor who has invented a pill that is a combination of a tranquilliser and Viagra. Soon after you take it, you get an urge to make love to a woman – but if you can’t find one, you just don’t care.

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