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Becky and Myron decided to take their little son from the heat of the city to his first visit to the beach. Dressed in his little sailor suit and hat and pail and shovel in hand, the boy happily played at the water’s edge as his mother and father spread their picnic blanket. Then suddenly, to his parents’ horror, a huge wave crashed down on the boy and then dragged him far out to sea. As neither of his parents could swim, his mother began to wail and cry, “Dear God, be merciful. Return our son to us!”
Suddenly another huge wave cast the boy back up on the sand at his parents’ feet. His mother inspected her son and then quickly looked back towards the heavens and said, “He had a hat!”

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Moishe telephoned his wife Sadie. “Sadie, darling, I’ve got some good news. You know that Lloyd Webber musical you’ve always wanted to see?”
“Yes.”
“Well, I’ve just bought us two tickets to see it.”
“Oh Moishe, that’s marvellous. I’ll start dressing immediately.”
“Sadie, that’s just what I wanted to hear you say. The tickets are for tomorrow night’s performance.”

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One Succoth, as two African Americans are standing on Brooklyn Bridge, Moishe walks past carrying a Luluv and Estrog.
“Hey man, Jew, where you goin’ with that palm tree and that lemon?” they ask.
“I’m going to shul.” Moishe replied.
“What’s ‘shul’?” they ask.
“Well, come with me and I’ll show you.” Moishe said.
So one goes with Moishe to synagogue and later returns to his friend after services.
“Dem Jews is crazy,” he says. “First dey says ‘oh no,’ den dey says ‘Ah don’ know’ and den dey says ‘How sh’Ah know?'”

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Many years ago, when I was a young boy, I found a mezuzah on the wall of a deserted house near my street. As there was still time before I had to get home for my tea, I pulled it off the wall and opened it. Inside, I found a piece of old paper on which was written the words that I will never forget: –
“Please help me. I’m being held prisoner in a mezuzah factory.”

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Ruth had just stepped out of the shower when she heard her doorbell ring.
“Who is it?” she shouted downstairs.
“It’s the blind man,” came the reply.
Ruth decided it didn’t matter if she opened the door without any clothes on because the man was blind. In fact she thought it would be a rather daring thing to do.
So she opened the door wide and he said, “It’s John Lewis Department Store, Brent Cross. Where do you want me to put these blinds?”

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