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Little Benny and little Sarah are at Edgware infants’ school. One day during lunch, Sarah says, “Benny, do you want to play mummies and daddies with me?”
Benny replies, “OK. What do you want me to do?”
“I want you to communicate your thoughts,” she says.
“Communicate my thoughts?” says Benny, “I have no idea what that means.”
Sarah instantly smirks and with a knowing look says, “That’s fine then. You can be the daddy.”

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Related:  Jewish (+6993), Marriage (+787)      

Hette arrives home quite late one night and says to her worried Moishe, “Sorry I’m late. I had to come home by train, as I couldn’t get my car to start. But I’m sure I know why.”
“So what’s the problem then, my mechanical engineer of a wife?” asks Moishe.
“I think there’s water in the carburettor,” replies Hette.
“How on earth can you know that?” says Moishe. “You don’t even know how to open the bonnet or to change the time on the car’s clock yet alone know where the carburettor is.”
“Maybe so,” says Hette, “but I still think there’s water in it.”
Moishe then says, “OK, I’ll go along with you. Let’s check it out right now. Where did you leave the car?”
Hette replies, “In the lake!”

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Related:  Christmas (+1017), Jewish (+6993)      

Father Christmas was on duty, working in the Brent Cross Shopping Centre. When a little girl comes up to his table, Santa asks her, “What’s your name, dear, and what do you want for Christmas?”
The girl replies, “My name is Mary and I would like a new Barbie doll for Christmas, please.”
Santa tells her, “I will add your Barbie doll to my list, but for now, please take a present from my toy sack.”
Then a little boy comes up to his table. Santa asks him, “What’s your name, boy, and what do you want for Christmas?”
The boy replies, “My name is Peter and I want a Harry Potter remote control car for Christmas.”
Santa tells him, “I will add your Harry Potter car to my list, but for now, please take a present from my toy sack.”
Then another little boy comes up to his table. Santa asks him, “What’s your name, handsome, and what do you want for Christmas?”
The boy replies, “My name is Moishe and I’m Jewish. I’m not allowed to ask for anything from Santa.”
Santa points to his toy sack and whispers in the boy’s ear, “Nem tzvay.” (take two)

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Related:  Jewish (+6993)      

Q: Why are many Jewish girls still single these days?
A: They have not yet met Dr. Right.

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Related:  Jewish (+6993)      

An Israeli marries an Englishman and they decide to live in London. Although she cannot speak much English, she manages to communicate with her husband. However, problems always arise whenever she goes out shopping.
One day, she goes to the butchers to buy some chicken legs, but she doesn’t know how to ask for them. In desperation, she lifts up her skirt and shows him her thighs. The butcher gets the message and she leaves with chicken legs.
The next day she needs some chicken breasts. Again, she can’t describe in words what she needs to buy, so she unbuttons her blouse and shows the butcher her breasts. Again, she gets what she wants.
On the third day she goes out to buy some sausages. She brings her husband to the butcher shop and… So what does she do?

What were you thinking? Her husband speaks English.

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