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Related:  Christmas (+1018), Jewish (+6994)      

Father Christmas was on duty, working in the Brent Cross Shopping Centre. When a little girl comes up to his table, Santa asks her, “What’s your name, dear, and what do you want for Christmas?”
The girl replies, “My name is Mary and I would like a new Barbie doll for Christmas, please.”
Santa tells her, “I will add your Barbie doll to my list, but for now, please take a present from my toy sack.”
Then a little boy comes up to his table. Santa asks him, “What’s your name, boy, and what do you want for Christmas?”
The boy replies, “My name is Peter and I want a Harry Potter remote control car for Christmas.”
Santa tells him, “I will add your Harry Potter car to my list, but for now, please take a present from my toy sack.”
Then another little boy comes up to his table. Santa asks him, “What’s your name, handsome, and what do you want for Christmas?”
The boy replies, “My name is Moishe and I’m Jewish. I’m not allowed to ask for anything from Santa.”
Santa points to his toy sack and whispers in the boy’s ear, “Nem tzvay.” (take two)

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Related:  Jewish (+6994)      

Q: Why are many Jewish girls still single these days?
A: They have not yet met Dr. Right.

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Related:  Jewish (+6994)      

An Israeli marries an Englishman and they decide to live in London. Although she cannot speak much English, she manages to communicate with her husband. However, problems always arise whenever she goes out shopping.
One day, she goes to the butchers to buy some chicken legs, but she doesn’t know how to ask for them. In desperation, she lifts up her skirt and shows him her thighs. The butcher gets the message and she leaves with chicken legs.
The next day she needs some chicken breasts. Again, she can’t describe in words what she needs to buy, so she unbuttons her blouse and shows the butcher her breasts. Again, she gets what she wants.
On the third day she goes out to buy some sausages. She brings her husband to the butcher shop and… So what does she do?

What were you thinking? Her husband speaks English.

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Related:  Jewish (+6994)      

One day, Jacob, a Russian Jew slipped on the wet riverbank and fell into the water. Unfortunately, Jacob could not swim and was in serious danger of drowning. Two Tsarist policemen heard cries for help and rushed over. But when they saw that it was a Jew, they laughed and just stood their watching him drown.
“Help, I can’t swim,” shouted Jacob.
“Then you will just have to drown,” they replied.
Suddenly Jacob shouts with his last breath: “Down with the Tsar!”
The policemen immediately rushed into the river, pulled Jacob out, and arrested him for trouble making.

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Related:  Jewish (+6994)      

One day, Freda said to her husband Tony “If we were rich, we’d spend six months a year in Florida, six months a year in Eilat, and six months a year in Spain.”
“But dear, I make that eighteen months in a year on holiday!” said Tony.
“Absolutely, darling. Isn’t is wonderful what one can do with money these days?”

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