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Moshe had been away on a lengthy business trip and on the plane back home, he began thinking of all the romantic things he would do on his return. So when he came home, he quietly suggested to Becky that they go to bed early that night for a bit of l-o-v-e. But Becky said, “Oh Moishe, I’m so tired from looking after the house all the time you were away. Please, another time if you don’t mind.”
The next night Moshe asked again. Becky said, “Oy vay, Moishe, such a terrible headache I have got. I won’t be able to do anything and it wouldn’t be any good. Please, wait a bit longer.”
On the third night, Moshe had gotten just a little impatient. “How about it?” he said, a bit abruptly.
Becky snapped back at him, “Moishe. This is the third night in a row you’ve asked me. What are you? Some kind of sex maniac?”

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Related:  Jewish (+6993)      

Benny had worked long and hard all his life and now his end was near. His family had all gathered around his hospital bed. Through half-closed and watery eyes and with a very croaky voice, Benny said, “Sadie darling, are you here?”
“Yes, dear, I’m here.”
“Sam, are you here?”
“Yes, dad, I’m here.”
“Hannah, are you here?”
“Yes, daddy.”
“Rifka, are you here?”
“Yes, dad.”
“Harry, are you here?”
“Yes, grandpa.”
Then, struggling to sit up and using his last ounce of strength, Benny shouted, “If you’re all here, who on earth is looking after the shop?”

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Related:  Jewish (+6993)      

Maurice and Sarah were Londoners and were blessed with seven healthy children. After many months of discussion, they finally decided to move to New York. It should have been a simple enough move, but when they arrived, they had great difficulty finding a suitable apartment to live in. Although many were big enough, the landlords always seemed to object to such a large family living there. If only Maurice wasn’t so honest about the size of his family!
After several days of unsuccessful searching, Maurice had an idea. He told Sarah to take the four younger children to visit the local cemetery while he went with the older three children to find an apartment. After looking for most of the morning, Maurice found a place that was ideal.
The landlord asked him, “How many children do you have?”
Maurice answered with a deep sigh, “Seven… but four are with their dear mother in the cemetery.”
He got the apartment!

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Related:  Jewish (+6993)      

Alf arrives home from work and as soon as he sets foot in the house, Sadie is on to him, telling him that their friend Michael Bloom has finally quit smoking.
“Imagine that, Alf,” she says, “someone who smoked 3 packs a day for 20 years has stopped smoking all of a sudden. Now that’s what I call will power – something that you definitely don’t have.”
But Sadie hadn’t finished.
“And that’s not all. I hear that Bernard, that drunken friend of yours, is finally giving up drinking – another example of the kind of will power that you don’t have.”
“OK, Sadie,” said Alf, “you want to see will power, do you? Well here’s will power. I am going to sleep in the spare room from now on. I am going to prove to you that I won’t be affected at all by not sleeping with a woman.”
Alf keeps to his word.
One night, when he had been sleeping alone for a week, there is a knock on his bedroom door.
Alf shouts out, “What do you want?”
Sadie replies, “Bloom has started smoking again.”

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Related:  Jewish (+6993), Sex (+4811)      

Ask any man and he will tell you that any woman’s ultimate fantasy is to have two men at once. While this has been verified by a recent sociological study, it appears that most men do not realize that in the Jewish version of this fantasy, one man is cooking and the other is cleaning.

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