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Q: What happened to the Pope when he went to Mount Olive?
A: Popeye almost killed him!

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Related:  Animals (+5185)      

Q. Did you hear Lassie had a son with a Rottweiler?

A. It rips off your arm, then runs for help.

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Related:  Jewish (+6992)      

Shlomo was driving home one evening when he suddenly remembered that it was his daughter’s birthday and he hadn’t bought her a present. So he drove to Brent Cross Shopping Centre and ran all the way to the toyshop.
“How much is the latest Barbie doll?” he asked the manager.
The manager replied, “Which one? We have ‘Barbie goes to the Gym’ for $17.99, ‘Barbie goes to the Dance’ for $16.99, ‘Barbie goes to the Shops’ for $15.99, ‘Barbie goes to the Seaside’ for $18.99, and ‘Barbie goes to the Barmitzvah’ for $19.99. We also have ‘Divorced Barbie’ for $350.00”.
Shlomo is confused and asked the manager, “Why does ‘Divorced Barbie’ cost $350 when all the others are less than $20?”
“It’s simple,” replied the manager, “divorced Barbie comes with Ken’s car, Ken’s House, Ken’s boat, Ken’s dog, Ken’s cat and Ken’s furniture.”

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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32389)      

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Earl
Earl who?
Earl I want for Christmas is lots of everything!

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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32389)      

Yo mamas so stupid she put ice in her drawls to keep her crab fresh.
Yo mamma so stupid she studied for a drug test.
Yo mamma so stupid she thought Taco Bell was a Mexican phone company!
Yo mamma so stupid she tried to drown a fish!
Yo mamma so stupid when she messed up on the computer and tried to fix it with whiteout
Yo momma so stupid she thought Boys-2-men was a daycare center.
Yo momma so stupid, she got locked up in the super market and starved to death.
Yo momma so stupid I told her Christmas was right around the corner and she went to the other side of the building.
Yo momma so stupid if she go it a penny for her thoughts, you’d get change.
Yo momma so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes
Yo momma so stupid she asked you “What is the number for 911”
Yo momma so stupid she bought a solar-powered flashlight!
Yo momma so stupid she brought a spoon to the super ball.
Yo momma so stupid she could trip over a cordless phone!
Yo momma so stupid she decided to climb 50 walls. By the time she reached the 47th she got tired, she then turned around and climbed back.
Yo momma so stupid she got stabbed in a shoot out.
Yo momma so stupid she had her dog suck her left titties and made the right one jealous.
Yo momma so stupid she had to climb over the glass wall just to see what was on the other side.
Yo momma so stupid she hears it’s chilly outside so she ran outside with a bowl
Yo momma so stupid she jumped out the window and went up.
Yo momma so stupid she likes to eat really goods food.
Yo momma so stupid she makes Beavis and Butt-Head look like Nobel Prize winners.
Yo momma so stupid she saw a sign that said, “caution wet floor”, she peed.
Yo momma so stupid she sits on the TV, and watches the couch!
Yo momma so stupid she sold her car for gasoline money!
Yo momma so stupid she stars at an orange juice for 20 min because it said, “Concentrate”.
Yo momma so stupid she stepped on a crack and broke her own back.
Yo momma so stupid she stole a free sample of bread.
Yo momma so stupid she strangled herself with a cordless phone.
Yo momma so stupid she stuck a battery up hey ass and said, “I got the power”.
Yo momma so stupid she thinks a quarterbacks a refund!
Yo momma so stupid she thinks Fleetwood Mac is a new hamburger at McDonalds!
Yo momma so stupid she thought taco-bell was a Mexican hot-line.
Yo momma so stupid she thought an elevator was a mobile home.
Yo momma so stupid she thought boy-to-men was a day care center!
Yo momma so stupid she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train.
Yo momma so stupid she thought Taco Bell was a Mexican phone company.
Yo momma so stupid she thought the tire on a bus was chocolate donuts.
Yo momma so stupid she threw a rock a t the floor and missed.
Yo momma so stupid she told someone to meet here at the corner of “WALK” and “DON’T WALK”.
Yo momma so stupid she took a cup to see Juice.
Yo momma so stupid she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
Yo momma so stupid she took an umbrella to see Purple Rain.
Yo momma so stupid she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jif.
Yo momma so stupid she tried to wake ups a sleeping bag.
Yo momma so stupid she wanted to lose weight so she ate her own fat.
Yo momma so stupid she watches “The Three Stooges” and takes notes.
Yo momma so stupid she went to the movie theater and tried to change the channel.
Yo momma so stupid some one told her it was chilly out side and she ran and got a bowl.
Yo momma so stupid that she puts lipstick on her head just to make-up her mind
Yo momma so stupid that she tried to put M&M’s in alphabetical order!
Yo momma so stupid that she went to the gap to get her teeth fixed.
Yo momma so stupid was born on Independence Day and can’t remember her birthday.
Yo momma so stupid when asked on an application, “Sex?” she marked, “M, F and sometimes Wednesday too.”
Yo momma so stupid when her husband asked her for sex she said, “female”.
Yo momma so stupid when I said it was chilly outside she went and got a bowl and a spoon.
Yo momma so stupid when she got locked in a bathroom she peed in her pants.
Yo momma so stupid when she looks down she saw her nipples was leaking.
Yo momma so stupid when she read on her job application to not write below the dotted line she put “O.K.”
Yo momma so stupid when she saw the NC-17 (under 17 not admitted) sign, she went home and got 16 friends
Yo momma so stupid when she saw the tires on the bus she thought they were chocolate donuts.
Yo momma so stupid when she stepped in the tub it made a tidal wave and thought it was a splash.
Yo momma so stupid when she went to take the 44 bus, she took the 22 twice instead.
Yo momma so stupid when the job application said “sex” she put “yes, please”.
Yo momma so stupid when you stand next to her you hears the ocean!
Yo momma so stupid you have to dig for her IQ!
Yo momma so stupid, she couldn’t pass a blood test.
Yo momma so stupid, she took toilet paper to a crap game.
Yo momma so stupid, she tried to commit suicide by jumping out of a basement window.
Yo momma so stupid, when she got struck by lighting, she said, I got the POWER.
Yo momma so stupid, when the police asked her who killed her mother she looked in the mirror and said she did it.

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