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Related:  Bar (+1637)      

A man walks into a bar and the bartender asks, “What’ll you have?”

The guy answers, “A scotch, please.”

The bartender hands him the drink and says, “That’ll be five dollars,” to which the man replies, “What are you talking about? I don’t owe you anything for this.”

A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, says to the bartender, “You know, he’s got you there. In the original offer, which constitutes a binding contract upon acceptance, there was no stipulation of remuneration.”

The bartender’s not impressed, but says to the guy, “Okay, you beat me for a drink, but don’t ever let me catch you in here again.”

The next day, the same guy walks into the bar. The bartender says, “What the hell are you doing in here? I can’t believe you’ve got the audacity to come back!”

The guy says, “What are you talking about? I’ve never been in this place in my life!”

To which the bartender replies, “I’m very sorry, but this is uncanny. You must have a double.”

The man replies, “Thank you! Make it a scotch.”

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Related:  Marriage (+788)      

Dave went on a business trip for a few days. When he returned, his wife reported that the dog really missed him. “She spent every night at the front door, waiting for you to come home,” she said.

“What an example of devotion,” Dave replied. “I wonder if you’d be that concerned about me?”

“Honey,” she answered, “if you were gone overnight, and I didn’t know where you were, you can be sure I’d be waiting for you at the front door.”

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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32425)      

Q: Who speaks on behalf of the Ghosts Union?
A: Their Spooksperson!

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Related:  Music (+2463)      

How many Deadheads does it take to change a lightbulb?

12,001. One to change it, 2,000 to record the event and take pictures of it, and 10,000 to follow it around until it burns out.

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Related:  Bar (+1637)      

There was this duck that walked into a bar and sat down in a stool and the bartender said, “can I help you”?

The duck said, “quack, quack, quack, got any raisins?”

The bartender said, “NO! This is a bar and we don’t sell raisins.” The duck walked out and then he came in the next day and sat in the very same stool!

The bartender walked over and asked him if he could help him? The duck said, “quack, quack, quack, got any raisins?”

The bartender said, “NO this is a BAR we don’t sell raisins!” So the duck walked out again and left. He came back the next day and sat in the same stool once again!
The duck yelled at the bartender, “quack, quack, quack, got any raisins?”

The bartender said, “NO. And if you come back here once more I am gonna nail your webbed feet to the ground and you are gonna die there.”

The duck said, “ok”, and left.

The next day came and sure enough the duck came back except he only peeped his head inside the door. He said, “quack, quack, got any nails?”

The bartender replied, “No!”

The duck said “Good, then you got any raisins?”

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