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Related:  Q & A (+15906), Sport (+1015)      

Q: What part of a football pitch smells nicest?

A: The scenter spot!

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Related:  Professional (+1060), Q & A (+15906)      

Q: How do you know if an accountant is an extrovert or introvert?

A: An extrovert looks at your shoes when talking to you, an introvert looks at their shoes when talking to you.

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Related:  Jewish (+6995)      

Hannah is frying some eggs for her Sam’s breakfast when he suddenly enters the kitchen and goes over to the cooker.
“Careful with the eggs,” Sam says, “be careful… . Now put in some more butter… . Oy veh, youre cooking too many eggs at once… . There’s too many of them… . So turn them already, turn them now… . We need some more butter, but where are we going to get more butter?… . Theyre going to stick… . I said they’re going to stick… . Careful… . I said be careful… . Are you crazy?… . You never listen to me when youre cooking, never… . Hurry up, turn them now… . Dont forget to salt them, you know how you always forget the salt… . Use the salt now, use the salt, the salt, I said.”
Hannah stares at him, “What on earth is wrong with you this morning? Don’t you think I know how to fry a couple of eggs?”
Sam calmly replies, “I just wanted to show you, dear, what it feels like when I’m driving with you in the car.”

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Related:  Jewish (+6995)      

Moshe was a kosher butcher in Hendon. He was not doing very well and to make matters worse, his wholesaler kept on writing him threatening letters to pay his outstanding invoices. After the fifth such letter, Moshe lost his patience and replied to his wholesaler. This is what he wrote: –

Dear Sir,
I object to your recent threatening letters and I think I need to explain to you how I do business. Every month, my accountant calculates how much money I can afford to pay out. Then I place all my creditors’ invoices in a hat and get my secretary to draw out as many invoices from the hat as I have money to pay. If you persist in sending out these threatening letters, I wont even put your invoices in the hat.”

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Related:  Politics (+3831)      

When white man found this land, Indians were running it.
There were:

– No Taxes
– No Debt
– Plenty buffalo
– Plenty beaver
– Medicine man free
– Women did all the work
– Men hunted and fished all the time

The white man was dumb enough to think he could improve on that system!

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