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One day, a little boy, was outside in the backyard stomping on honeybees.

When his father came out and saw what the little boy was doing, he made him stop right away and told the little boy, “That’s it for you. No honey for a week.”

Well, then the little boy went to the front yard of the house and started stomping on butterflies. When his father saw what Teddy was doing, he made him stop right away and said, “Stomping on butterflies is a terrible thing to do. Just for that, no butter for a week.”

After that, little boy and his father went into the kitchen and saw the little boy’s mother stomping on cockroaches.

The little boy turned to his father and said, “Should I tell her or should you?”

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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32426)      

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he’s drinking it the monkey jumps around all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them, then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole.
The bartender screams at the guy, “Did you see what your monkey just did?” The guy says, “No, what?” “He just ate the cue ball off my pool table, whole!”, says the bartender. “Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me,” replied the patron. He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. I’ll pay for the cue ball and stuff.” He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves.
Two weeks later he’s in the bar again, and he has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is drinking his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his ass, pulls it out, and eats it.
The bartender is disgusted. “Did you see what your monkey did now?”, he asks.
“Now what?”, responds the patron.
“Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his ass, then pulled it out and ate it!” says the barkeeper.
“Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me,” replied the patron. “He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that cue ball he measures everything first!”

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What would happen if we priced our “COWS” using the same criteria the auto industry uses to price a “CAR”?

LIST PRICING A COW

A farmer had been taken several times by the local car dealer. One
day, the car dealer informed the farmer that he was coming over
to purchase a cow. The farmer priced his unit as follows:

BASIC COW………………………………………….$499.9
Shipping and handling…………………………………35.75
Extra Stomach………………………………………….79.25
Two Tone Exterior……………………………………142.10
Produce Storage Compartment…………………..126.50
Heavy Duty Straw Chopper………………………..189.60
Four Spigot/High Output Drain System………….149.20
Automatic Fly Swatter…………………………………88.50
Genuine Cowhide Upholstery………………………179.90
Deluxe Dual Horns……………………………………..59.25
Automatic Fertilizer Attachment……………………339.40
4X4 Traction Drive Assembly………………………884.16
Pre-delivery Wash and Comb………………………..69.80
______________________________________________

FARMER’S SUGGESTED LIST PRICE: …….$2,843.3
Additional Dealer Adjustments: ……………………….300.00

TOTAL LIST PRICE (Including Options)………$3,143.36

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Q: What is Transylvania?
A: Dracula’s terror-tory.

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Related:  Kids (+2428)      

A six-year-old boy told his father he wanted to marry the little girl across the street.
The father being modern and well-schooled in handling children, hid his smile behind his hand.
“That’s a serious step,” he said. “Have you thought it out completely?”
“Sure,” his young son answered. “We can spend one week in my room and the next in hers. It’s right across the street, so I can run home if I get lonely in the night.”
“How about transportation?” the father asked.
“I have my wagon, and we both have our tricycles,” the little boy answered.
The boy had an answer to every question the father raised.
Finally, in exasperation,the man asked, “What about babies? When you’re married, you’re liable to have babies, you know.”
“We’ve thought about that, too,” the little boy replied. “We’re not going to have babies. Every time she lays an egg, I’m going to step on it!”

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