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A rural Frenchman was on trial for killing his wife when
he found her with a neighbor. Upon being asked why he shot
her instead of her lover, he replied,
“Ah, m’sieur, is it not better to shoot a woman once than a
different man every week?”

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Thirty minutes before a plane landed, its cabin lights came on,
indicating to the flight attendants that breakfast could be served.
One of the passengers, upset because he was awakened, growled, “Who
turned on the fucking lights!”
“Oh, no sir,” the nearest flight attendant replied. “Those are the
breakfast lights. You slept through the ‘fucking lights.'”

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Boss: “My laptop computer is locked up. Can you help?”
Dilbert: “Remember you have to hold it upside down and shake it to reboot.”
Boss: “Oh, that’s right.”
Wally: “I wonder if he’ll ever realise we gave him an “Etch-A-Sketch.”

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Why are E.T.s eyes so big?

Because he saw the phone bill.

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The new FDA milk labeling rules are so strict, it’s now illegal to print a
picture of a missing fat kid on a carton of skim milk.

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