Joke's Database
     
Have fun searching 100254 jokes and pictures!


Related:  Animals (+5195)      

A man runs into the vet’s office carrying his dog, screaming for
help. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him
put his dog down on the examination table. The vet examines the
still, limp body and after a few moments tells the man that his
dog, regrettably, is dead. The man, clearly agitated and not
willing to accept this, demands a second opinion.

The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat and puts
the cat down next to the dog’s body. The cat sniffs the body,
walks from head to tail poking and sniffing the dog’s body and
finally looks at the vet and meows. The vet looks at the man and
says, “I’m sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead too.”

The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead.

The vet brings in a black Labrador. The lab sniffs the body,
walks from head to tail, and finally looks at the vet and barks.
The vet looks at the man and says, “I’m sorry, but the lab thinks
your dog is dead too.”

The man, finally resigned to the diagnosis, thanks the vet and
asks how much he owes. The vet answers, “$650.”

“$650 to tell me my dog is dead?” exclaimed the man…

“Well,” the vet replies, “I would only have charged you $50 for
my initial diagnosis. The additional $600 was for the cat scan
and lab tests.”

Share on Facebook!    Share on Twitter!    Share on Reddit!    Share on Stumbleupon!    Share on LinkedIn!    Share on Google!    Share with friends
Related:  Hanukkah (+21)      

10. No roof damage from reindeer
9. Never a silent night when you’re among your Jewish loved ones
8. If someone screws up on their gift, there are seven more days to correct it
7. Betting Hanukkah gelt (the chocholate coins) on candle races
6. You can use your fireplace
5. Naked spin-the-dreidel games
4. Fun waxy buildup on the menorah
3. No awkward explanations of virgin birth
2. Cheer optional
1. No Irving Berlin songs

Share on Facebook!    Share on Twitter!    Share on Reddit!    Share on Stumbleupon!    Share on LinkedIn!    Share on Google!    Share with friends
Related:  Jewish (+6997)      

It was the first time the Captain and the First Officer had flown together, and it was obvious by their silence that they didn’t get along.

After 30 minutes, the Captain finally spoke. He said, “I don’t like Chinese.”

The First Officer replied, “Ooooh, no like Chinese? Why that?”

The Captain said, “You bombed Pearl Harbor. That’s why I don’t like Chinese.”

The First Officer said, “Nooooo, noooo… Chinese not bomb Pearl Harbor. That JAPANESE, not Chinese.”

The Captain answered, “Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese… it doesn’t matter. They’re all alike.”

Another 30 minutes of silence.

Finally the First Officer said, “No like Jew.”

The Captain replied, “Why not? Why don’t you like Jews?”

“Jews sink Titanic.”

The Captain tried to correct him, “No, no. The Jews didn’t sink the Titanic, it was an iceberg.”

“Iceberg, Goldberg, Rosenberg, Spielberg… no mattah, all same.”

Share on Facebook!    Share on Twitter!    Share on Reddit!    Share on Stumbleupon!    Share on LinkedIn!    Share on Google!    Share with friends
Related:  Music (+2463)      

Q: How does a guitar player show he’s planning for the future?

A: He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

Share on Facebook!    Share on Twitter!    Share on Reddit!    Share on Stumbleupon!    Share on LinkedIn!    Share on Google!    Share with friends
Related:  Men vs. Women (+5690)      

Sam met his friend Morris on the street. “Morris,” he said, “I haven’t seen you in years. You look terrible – what’s happened?”

“You won’t believe,” said Morris. I got married three times in the last three years and buried three wives!”

“How terrible, Morris, how tragic,” Sam said. “What happened?”

“Three years ago, I married this rich widow, and she died a month later after eating poison mushrooms. A year later, I met this wealthy divorcee, and she died a month after we married, again from poison mushrooms. Then last year, I married again, and a month later, she died.”

“Don’t tell me,” Sam said. “Poison mushrooms.”

“No, a fractured skull,” said Morris. “She wouldn’t eat the poison mushrooms.”

Share on Facebook!    Share on Twitter!    Share on Reddit!    Share on Stumbleupon!    Share on LinkedIn!    Share on Google!    Share with friends


© 2015 ijokedb.com