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Late one Saturday evening, I was awakened by the ringing of my phone. In a sleepy grumpy voice I said hello. The party on the other end of the line paused for a moment before rushing breathlessly into a lengthy speech.

“Mom, this is Susan and I’m sorry I woke you up, but I had to call because I’m going to be a little late getting home. See, Dad’s car has a flat but it’s not my fault. Honest! I don’t know what happened. The tire just went flat while we were inside the theater. Please don’t be mad, okay?”

Since I don’t have any daughters, I knew the person had dialed my number by mistake. “I’m sorry dear,” I replied, “but you’ve reached the wrong number. I don’t have a daughter.”

“Gosh, Mom,” the young woman’s voice replied, “I didn’t think you’d be this mad.”

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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32388)      

Two Polish truck drivers are barreling along when they come up to an overpass. A sign says, “Clearance: 11″2′.” So they get out, measure their truck, and realize that it’s 11″6′.
So the first Polak looks at the second Polak and says, “I don’t see any cops around….let’s go for it!”

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Related:  Men vs. Women (+5688)      

I still miss my ex-husband, but my aim is improving.

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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32388)      

Three drunks were sitting at a bar.
The first one said… “I went in my daughter’s room, looked in the drawer and found a pack of cigarettes.”
He paused. “I didn’t even know she smoked!”
The second drunk said… “I can beat that! I went into my daughters room, looked in the closet and found a case of beer. I didn’t even know she drank!”
The first two looked at the third as he begin to speak..
“I can beat that! I went into my daughter’s room and looked under her pillow. I found a pack of condoms!!!”
He paused…
“I didn’t even know she had a penis!!!”

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Related:  Christmas (+1018), Q & A (+15907)      

Q: But what about his chimp?

A: King Kong merrily on high, of course!

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