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Q. What’s the brown stuff between the elephants toes?
A. Slow natives.

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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32431)      

One gay man says to the other, did you hear Newt Gingrich is coming out?
“Really?” the second gay man says, “that’s amazing!”
The first gay man says, “yeah we’re lucky, he’s only coming
out of Congress, would you wanna sleep with him?”

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Related:  Politics (+3832)      

One afternoon, three close friends named Hercules, Sleeping Beauty and Don Juan, sat by the river contemplating their lives.

Bold and arrogant, Hercules exclaimed that he was surely the strongest person in the world.

“That may be true”, said Sleeping Beauty, “But I am better because I am obviously the most beautiful person in the world.”

Don Juan laughed at both of them and said that without a doubt, he must be the greatest person alive simply because he had been with the most women.

After several hours of argument, they decided to consult a Guru for the truth.

First, Hercules went into Guru’s cave. A few moments later he came out with a massive grin on his face. The Guru had said that he was, in fact, the strongest person in the world. He was very pleased.

Sleeping beauty came out of the cave with a lovely smile: “It is true! I AM the most beautiful woman in the world!”

Moments later a distraught Don Juan came stomping out of the cave: “Who the hell is Bill Clinton!!???”

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Related:  Animals (+5194), Q & A (+15910)      

Q: What happened to the Mammoth that swallowed the Guiding Orb?
A: It roared with de-light!

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Related:  Music (+2463)      

C, E-flat and G go into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve minors,” and E-flat leaves. C and G have an open fifth between them and after a few drinks, G is out flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, “Excuse me, I’ll just be a second.”

A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor and sends him out. Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and shouts, “Get out now. You’re the seventh minor I’ve found in this bar tonight.”

Next night, E-flat, not easily deflated, comes into the bar in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender (who used to have a nice corporate job until his company downsized) says: “You’re looking pretty sharp tonight. Come on in. This could be a major development.” And in fact, E-flat takes off his suit and everything else and stands there au naturel. Eventually, C, who had passed out under the bar the night before, begins to sober up and realizes in horror that he’s under a rest.

So, C goes to trial, is convicted of contributing to the diminution of a minor and sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an up scale correctional facility. The conviction is overturned on appeal, however, and C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless.

The bartender decides, however, that since he’s only had tenor so patrons, the soprano out in the bathroom and everything has become alto much treble, he needs a rest and closes the bar.

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