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Related:  Jewish (+6997)      

The dentist told Melvyn that he needed a tooth removed right away. The dentist asked, “Do you want a local anesthetic?”
Melvyn shook his head and said, “Let’s not pinch pennies, doctor. Get the best–use imported.”

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Related:  Men vs. Women (+5688)      

“Cash, check or charge?” I asked after folding items the woman wished to
purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I notice a remote control for a
television set in her purse. “Do you always carry your TV remote?” I
asked.
“No,” she replied. “But my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I
figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him.”

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Related:  Presidents Day (+45), Q & A (+15908)      

Q: Did Lincoln know that the North would win the Civil War?

A: After a while, he took it for Grant-ed!

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Related:  Q & A (+15908), Sport (+1015)      

Q: Why are football stadiums always cool?

A: Because they’re full of fans.

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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32432)      

A middle-aged blonde goes to the doctor and says “Doc I have this really bad itch can you tell me whats wrong?”

He examines her and says, “You have crabs.”

She says, “Thats impossible! I have never had sex before,” and storms out of the doctor’s office.

She goes to another doctor and he says the same thing, and again she insists that it is impossible because she had never had sex.

Finally, she goes to a third doctor and says, “Look Doc… I have seen two other doctors about this itch and they keep telling me I have crabs, but that is impossible.”

He examines her and he says, “Ohhhh. Now I see the problem. It’s not crabs. Your cherry is rotten and you have fruit flies.”

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