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Related:  Blonde (+4664), Q & A (+15908)      

Q: Why do blondes have two more brain cells than a cow?

A: So that when you pull their tits, they don’t moo.

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Related:  Light Bulb (+1131), Professional (+1060), Q & A (+15908)      

Q: How many actors does it take to change a lightbulb?
A1: Five – one to climb the ladder and the other four to say that should have been me!
A2: One to change it, and 99 to stand there and say “I could have done it better.”
A3: Just one. He stands there, and the world revolves around him.

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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32429)      

Two men died and went to Heaven. St. Peter greeted them, and said “I’m sorry, gentlemen, but your mansions aren’t ready yet. Until they are, I can send you back to Earth as whatever you want to be.”

“Great!” said the first guy, “I want to be an eagle soaring above beautiful scenery!”

“No problem,” replied St. Peter, and POOF! The guy was gone. “And what do you want to be,” St. Peter asked the other guy.

“I’d like to be one cool stud!” was the reply.

“Easy,” replied St. Peter, and the other guy was gone.

After a few months, their mansions were finished, and St. Peter sent an angel to fetch them back. “You’ll find them easily,” he says, “One of them is soaring above the Grand Canyon, and the other one is on a snow tire somewhere in Detroit!”

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Related:  Men vs. Women (+5688)      

• The female always makes the rules.
• The rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.
• No male can possibly know all the rules.
• If the female suspects the male knows all the rules, she must immediately change some or all the rules.
• The female is never wrong.
• If the female is wrong, it is due to a misunderstanding, which was a direct result of something the male did or said wrong.
• If the above applies, the male must apologise immediately for causing the misunderstanding.
• An apology without flowers is not an apology.
• The female may change her mind at any time.
• The male must never change his mind at any time without the expressed consent of the female.
• The male may not point out that the woman has changed her mind.
• The female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.
• The male must remain calm at all times, unless the female wants him to be angry or upset.
• The female must, under no circumstances, let the male know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset.
• The female is ready when she is ready.
• The male must be ready at all times.
• If the female is PMS, all rules are null & void.
• The male may not inquire if the woman is angry or upset.
• The male may not inquire when the women will be ready.
• The male may not inquire about the women’s time of the month.
• The male is expected to mind-read at all times.
• The male must earn the respect of the female by giving his life up in service to her needs and nurturing of her character.

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Related:  Drunk (+138), Marriage (+788), Women (+410)      

Dear Abby,

I was married to Bill for three months and I didn’t know he drank until one night he came home sober…

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