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Related:  Football (+145)      

After the first day of football practice one guy Travis asks Justin, “Justin, do you know that you have a cork in you a–?” Justin simply says “yea.”
Travis replys “Well, doesn’t it hurt?”

“yea, but i can’t take it out” Travis is confused, “why not?” he asked.

Justin says “well, over the summer i was walking on the beach and i found a bottle with a cork in it. So, i pulled the cork out and a genie popped out and said that she will grant me one wish. So i said NO S—!!!!!”

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Related:  Jewish (+6993)      

The Israeli police are looking for a man who calls himself Joseph. He’s wanted for looting offences in Haifa. The suspect is described as the son of a Barcelona ex-nun and a German father. He’s a former flutist and works occasionally on a farm.
In short, he’s “A Haifa-lootin, flutin Teuton, son-of-a-nun from Barcelona, part-time plowboy Joe.”

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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32386)      

Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other, “Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?”

“Outstanding,” Fred replied. “They taught us all the latest psychological techiniques-visulization, association-it made a huge difference for me.”

“That’s great! What was the name of the clinic?”

Fred went blank He thought and thought, but couldn’t remember.

Then a smile broke across his face and he asked, “What do you call that flower with the long stem and thorns?”

“You mean a rose?”

“Yes, that’s it!” He turned to his wife. . .”Rose, what was the name of that clinic?”

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Related:  Sex (+4811)      

– Watching a nature show where animals fornicate, he keeps winking and doing the eyebrow thing.

– When you ask him what kind of car he likes to drive, he solemnly replies, “The skin bus to tuna town,” and then laughs until he cries.

– You note that integrity is so important in a man, he notes that what he looks for in a “chick ” is “you know.”

– He whispers, “You’re beautiful,” to your thighs, then glances up at your face and says, “Oh you, too.”

– When you comment on the rarity of men these days who seek mature relationships, he giggles quite a bit.

– In conversation with others, he refers to you as his “quality tail.”

– Washing dishes after you’ve cooked him dinner for the first time, you reach behind you to take the paper towels off the paper-towel rod and then realize that you don’t own a paper-towel rod.

– When you’re insulted by his “motel” suggestion at the end of your first date, he looks impressed and says, “Hotel?”

– When you proudly recount your glorious high school valedictory speech to him, he praises “your multi-talented mouth.”

– When you tell him what you do for a living, he stares at your breasts and loudly asks, “What do they do?”

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Related:  Sales (+103)      

A travelling salesman was about to check in at a hotel when he noticed a very charming bit of femininity giving him the so-called eye.

In a causal manner he walked over and spoke to her as though he had known her all his life. Both walked back to the desk and registered as Mr. and Mrs.

After a three-day stay he walked up to the desk and informed the clerk that he was checking out. The clerk presented him with his bill for $1600.

“There is a mistake here,” he protested. “I have been here only three days.”

“Yes,” replied the clerk, “But your wife has been here a month.”

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