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Related:  Politics (+3830)      

Ma Bell will now be adding a new tax to Clinton’s telephone – a luxury tax!

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Related:  Politics (+3830), Q & A (+15910)      

Q: What is the difference between TV characters Dan and Roseanne Conner and the Clintons?

A: The Conners own their own home.

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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32427)      

Your Clothes

-1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.

-2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.

-3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.

The Baby’s Name

-1st baby: You pore over baby-name books and practice pronouncing and writing combinations of all your favorites.

-2nd baby: Someone has to name his or her kid after your great-aunt Mavis, right? It might as well be you.

-3rd baby: You open a name book, close your eyes, and see where your finger points.

Preparing for the Birth

-1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.

-2nd baby: You don’t bother practicing because you remember that last time, breathing didn’t do a thing.

-3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your 8th month.

The Layette

-1st baby: You pre-wash your newborn’s clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby’s little bureau.

-2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.

-3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can’t they?

Worries

-1st baby: At the first sign of distress — a whimper, a frown — you pick up the baby.

-2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.

-3rd baby: You teach your 3-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.

Activities

-1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.

-2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.

-3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.

Going Out

-1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home 5 times.

-2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.

-3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.

At Home

-1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.

-2nd baby: You spend a bit of every day watching to be sure your older child isn’t squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.

-3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.

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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32427)      

Man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm. His wife is lying in bed reading. Man says, ‘This is the pig I have sex with when you’ve got a headache.’ Wife replies, ‘I think you’ll find that is a sheep.’ Man replies, ‘I think you’ll find I was talking to the sheep …’

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Related:  Politics (+3830)      

Acute – opposite of an ugly
Artery – the study of paintings
Bacteria – back door of a cafeteria
Barium – what doctors do to patients
Benign – what you are after you’re 8.
Bowel – letter like A,E,I,O, or U
Cat Scan – searching for a kitty
Cauterize – made eye contact with her
Cesarean Section – neighborhood in Rome
Colic – a sheep dog
Concussion – a prisoner’s sofa
Congenital – to be friendly
D & C – where the White House is
Dilate – to live too long
Enema – not a friend
Fester – quicker
Fibula – a small lie
Genital – not a Jew
GI series – a soldier ball game
Hangnail – a coat hook
Hospital – a prostitute ejecting saliva
Impotent – distinguished, well known
Jaundice – to include in a group
Kinesthetics – relationships among relatives
Labor Pain – getting hurt at work
Leper – a wild cat
Malaria – shopping place
Medical Staff – a doctor’s cane
Morbid – a higher bid
Nitrates – cheaper than day rates
Node – was aware of
Outpatient – a person who fainted
Pap Smear – a fatherhood test
Pelvis – a cousin of Elvis
Post-operative – a letter carrier
Prostate – flat on your back
Recovery Room – a place used for upholstery work.
Rectum – dang near killed ‘em
Rheumatic – amorous
Secretion – hiding something
Seizure – a Roman emperor
Serology – study of English Knighthood
Tablet – a small table
Terminal Illness………getting sick at the airport
Tumor – more than one
Urinate – two steps short of a perfect “10″.
Urine – opposite of you’re out
Varicose – nearby
Vein – conceited

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