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Shlomo was a miser and his friend Isaac knew this. One evening, Shlomo and Isaac went out for a meal with their girlfriends. At the end of the meal, Isaac overheard Shlomo say to his girl, “Marry me darling and I’ll buy you the sun, the moon and the stars.”
Shlomo immediately called over the waiter and said, “Separate bills please.”

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This just in:
A well known college professor has been arrested and accused of putting marijuana in the food that seagulls consume. When asked why he did this he stated –
“I want to leave no tern unstoned”

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Related:  Animals (+5186)      

Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhinoceros?
A: Elephino.

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“Hey, my book is back to front.”

“Isn’t it impolite to talk when the rabbi is talking?”

“Why do people keep coming in even after the service begins? Don’t they know what time it starts?”

“Do people always get up and walk out just before the rabbi gives his sermon?”

“Hey, I remember this part from ‘Fiddler on the Roof.'”

“Who brings kids to a place like this?”

“You’d think nobody had ever seen a cell phone.”

“Pardon me, but you have some string hanging down from your scarf.”

“That boy can’t be more than 12 or 13 – and they let him lead the service?”

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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32386)      

q: You know how to make hillbilly chicken soap?
a: You start by stealing a couple of chickens…

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