Joke's Database
     
Have fun searching 100180 jokes and pictures!


Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32388)      

Three guys had to spend the night at a hotel and share a double bed.
In the morning, the guy on the right said “I had this great dream last night, that a girl gave me a handjob”
The guy on the left replied “That’s weird so did I”
Finally, the guy in the middle said “Lucky for you guys…I only dream’t I was skiing”

Share on Facebook!    Share on Twitter!    Share on Reddit!    Share on Stumbleupon!    Share on LinkedIn!    Share on Google!    Share with friends
Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32388)      

One day a boy came walking home from school. On the way home he saw a creek. He quickly jumped in, clothes and all. When he arrived home completely soaked his dad asked, “Son what happened?”
“I jumped in that creek down the road.”
“Why did you do that?”
“I dunno.”
His dad was very angry and said, “If you jump in that creek again, just because, I’m gonna tan that hide – just because! Is that clear?”
“Yes dad.” replies his son.
The next day, the boy came home walking from school, and sure enough when he saw that creek, he jumped right on in.
When he went home, his dad knew what had happened and asked, “Didn’t I tell you not to jump in that creek again?”
“Yes dad, but Satan told me to do it!”
His dad, being somewhat religous, decided to give his son the benefit of the doubt and tells him – “Next time Satan tells you to do something like that, say ‘Satan get thee behind me in the name of Jesus’.”
“Ok dad.” replied the son.
Well the next day after school, the boy was walking across the bridge, and well you know the rest. He came home again soaked.
His dad said, “I thought I told you what to say when you came to that creek!”
“I said what you told me dad, and when I did, Satan pushed me in!”

Share on Facebook!    Share on Twitter!    Share on Reddit!    Share on Stumbleupon!    Share on LinkedIn!    Share on Google!    Share with friends
Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32388)      

Two new chemical elements have recently been discovered. Here for the first time is a description of their properties.
Element Name: WOMAN Symbol: WO Atomic Weight: (don’t even go there!)
Physical Properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze any time. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if not used well.
Chemical properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses Strong affinity to gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Violent when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a better specimen.
Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.
Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands. ——————————-
Element Name: MAN Symbol: XY Atomic Weight: (180 +/- 50)
Physical properties: Solid at room temperature, but gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as young samples.
Chemical properties: Attempts to bond with WO any chance it can get. Also tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with Kd (Element: Child) for prolonged period of time. Neutralize by saturating with alcohol.
Usage: None known. Possibly good methane source. Good samples are able to produce large quantities on command.
Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell.

Share on Facebook!    Share on Twitter!    Share on Reddit!    Share on Stumbleupon!    Share on LinkedIn!    Share on Google!    Share with friends
Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32388)      

I was walking home last night when I noticed an old drunk staggering along the road. He passed a woman who was walking a young child. “Lady”, said the drunk, “that’s the ugliest kid I’ve ever seen. Damn, that is one ugly child!.” As the drunk wandered off, the lady burst into tears. Just then, a mailman came to her rescue. “What’s the matter, madam?” he asked. “I’ve just been horribly insulted” she sobbed. “There there,” said the mailman, reaching into his pocket. “Dry your eyes with this tissue, and here’s a banana for the chimp”

Share on Facebook!    Share on Twitter!    Share on Reddit!    Share on Stumbleupon!    Share on LinkedIn!    Share on Google!    Share with friends
Related:  Family (+438)      

– The pet cat got better food than you did.

– Your parents told you about strange men giving away sweets and to go and find as many of them as possible.

– You play “hide & seek” with your Mother and she hides in another town.

– Your parents take you to an orphanage and tell you to mingle.

– Your parents told you about the magic money box in the cupboard where you can hide your pocket money, and – you’ve since found out it was the coin-op electric meter.

– You had to share your sandbox with the cat.

– You always got your weekly allowance in Traveler’s Checks.

– Your folks threw a “going-into-the-Army” party when you were only three years old.

– You run away, and the family can’t give the Police an accurate description.

– You kept getting left beside the monkey enclosure at the zoo.

– You were always stood-up at the Father-Son banquet held at the local Church.

– Kidnappers send back a piece of your ear and your parents demand more proof before they pay any ransom.

– When you were born, your Father gave out old cigar butts.

– Your parents encourage you to fish in shark infested waters.

– As a baby, your Father threw you in the air and walked away.

– You find out your Mother is nursing another baby on the side.

– Your tub toys included a toaster shaped like a rubber duck.

Share on Facebook!    Share on Twitter!    Share on Reddit!    Share on Stumbleupon!    Share on LinkedIn!    Share on Google!    Share with friends


© 2015 ijokedb.com