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Mommy, Mommy! Suzi got run over by a steamroller.

Shut up. I’m in the bathroom, slide her under the door.

[Alt answer] Shut up and get the maple syrup.

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Related:  Animals (+5197)      

A man was driving along a freeway when he noticed a chicken running along side his car. He was amazed to see the chicken keeping up with him because he was doing 50 MPH. He accelerated to 60 and the chicken stayed right next to him. He speeded up to 75 MPH and the chicken passed him up. The man noticed the chicken had three legs. So, he followed to chicken down a road and ended up at a farm. He got out of his car and saw that all the chickens had three legs.
He asked the farmer “What’s up with these chickens?”
The farmer said “Well, everybody likes chicken legs. I bred a three legged bird. I’m going to be a millionaire.”
The man asked him how they tasted.
The farmer said “Don’t know, haven’t caught one yet.”

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When white man found this land, Indians were running it.
There were:

- No Taxes
- No Debt
- Plenty buffalo
- Plenty beaver
- Medicine man free
- Women did all the work
- Men hunted and fished all the time

The white man was dumb enough to think he could improve on that system!

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Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven.
God comes and says “I want the men to make two lines.
One line for the men that dominated their women on earth
and the other line for the men that were whipped by their women.
Also, I want all the women to go with St Peter.”

Said and done, the next time God looks the women are gone
and there are two lines.
The line of the men that were whipped was 100 miles long,
on the line of men that dominated women there was only one man.

God got mad and said. “You men should be ashamed of yourselves.
I created you in my image, and you were all whipped by your mates.
Look at the only one of my sons that stood up and made me proud.
Learn from him!”
Tell them my son how did you manage to be the only one on that line?
The man said, “I don’t know.
My wife told me to stand here.”

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Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. Then
when you do criticize that person, you’ll be a mile away and
have his shoes.

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