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Related:  Politics (+3831)      

A wealthy Democrat had a summer house in the Maine woods. Each summer he’d invite a different friend (no, that’s not the punch line) to spend a week or two. On one occasion, he invited a Czechoslovakian to stay with him. They had a splendid time in the country – rising early and living in the great outdoors. Early one morning they went out to pick berries for their morning breakfast. As they went around the berry patch along came two huge bears. The Democrat dashed for cover. His friend wasn’t so lucky and the male bear reached him and swallowed him whole. The Democrat ran back to his car, drove to town as fast has he could, and got the sheriff. The sheriff grabbed his rifle and dashed back to the berry patch with the Democrat. Sure enough, both bears were still there. “He’s in THAT one!” cried the Democrat, pointing to the male. The sheriff looked at the bears, and without batting an eye, leveled his gun, took careful aim, and SHOT THE FEMALE.
“Whatd’ya do that for?!” exclaimed the Democrat, “I said he was in the other!” “Yep,” said the sheriff, “and would YOU believe a Democrat who told you that the Czech was in the Male?”

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Related:  Military (+607), Q & A (+15909)      

Q: Why did congress enact the Marine Corps?
A: So, the sailors would have someone to dance with!

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Related:  Travel (+293)      

* You don’t understand why there aren’t more 24-hour diners elsewhere in the country.

* You know what a Wawa is, and know the location of at least 15 of them.

* You think a mountain is that big freakin’ hill in Atlantic Highlands.

* You know Asbury Park is no longer the mecca of East Coast resort towns.

* Even though there’s a new Wal-Mart in your town, you still go to the Englishtown Auction for cheap stuff.

* You can name all the flavors of salt water taffy.

* Your car is covered with yellow-green dust in April and May.

* You buy Shop-Rite brand food at Shop-Rite.

* You can smell and know when it’s low tide.

* The Jets/Giants game has started fights at your school and/or local bar.

* There are no self serve gas stations and you like it that freakin’ way… “yous gotta problem wit dat?”

* You’ve had sex on the beach, and I’m not talking about the beverage.

* You know how to successfully handle a traffic circle.

* You know what skeeball is and you can get three 50′s in a row.

* You think the Olive Garden is crap and should have never opened any restaurants in New Jersey.

* You’ve run out of money on the Parkway.

* You’re Italian.

* You know where to get the best bagels and pizza.

* Donald Trump is mentioned at least daily in your local paper.

* You say “water” weird. (Wooder, Cawfee, Dowg, wadever).

* Even your school made good Italian subs.

* You’ve lived through hurricanes, nor’easters and fires, but have never seen a tornado, earthquake, tsunami or volcano.

* You can’t believe MTV went to Seaside Heights.

* You know that ACME is an actual store, not just a Warner Bros.creation.

* You only go to New York City for day trips.

* You know what a “jug handle” is.

* You have mandatory recycling. Enforced by law.

* You’ve eaten a pork roll and cheese on a hard roll…and like it.

* You go to at least one parade at the boardwalk each year.

* You’ve pondered, “Maybe basketball would be more popular in New Jersey if the Nets didn’t blow,”

* You can go bowling at 1:30 A.M. (with automatic scoring)!

* In high school, you worked at a Friendly’s.

* Route 18 doesn’t freak you out at night.

* Because your town was founded before 1776, all the restaurants, taverns and shops have “ye,” “olde,” and “colonial” in their names.

* You don’t have to go to Red Lobster to get fresh seafood.

* You once said, “It smells like New York in here.”

* You’ve waited for the damn drawbridge for more than 20 damn minutes.

* At least three people in your family still love Bruce Springsteen.

* There’s a fruit and vegetable stand down the road.

* “Anyone who makes bad pizza can go to hell” is your attitude.

* You always use a minimum of 10 variations of the word “damn” while driving.

* You don’t take any shit from anybody. Especially from someone from New York, because you live here for christ’s sake and just who the hell do they think they are anyway? Invading our damn beaches and bars, they’re just here for the damn summer and they think they own the damn place and….

* You’ve gone to the race track with twenty different daily double bets from twenty different people.

* You’ve spent St Patrick’s day in Belmar.

* You know that there are bakeries which are not part of a supermarket, but actual individual stores.

* You’ve ordered a “hard roll with butter” for breakfast.

* One time, a sea gull shit on your head.

* You’ve eaten at a Windmill, drunk off your ass, at 3am at least a dozen times.

* You know what a “benny” is and can pick one out at the beach.

* You’ve planned a local trip around ensuring you pass at least one Dunkin’ Donuts.

* You’re an aggressive driver.

* At least 5 people in your immediate family have asthma.

* Your drinking water should not be used for drinking.

* Your town has more water restrictions than people living in “dry” states i.e. Arizona, and Nevada.

* Potholes are as common as mosquitoes.

* You believe pigeons carry hand guns.

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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32430)      

Q: What do Israeli soldiers do when they get bored?
A: They go over to the West Bank & the Gaza Strip and get stoned.

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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32430)      

The old man was saying to his doctor,
“You know, Doc, when I was young, it was as hard as a rock. As I got a
little older, I could bend it a little and now I can bend it alot. Does
that mean I’m getting stronger?”

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