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Related:  Jewish (+6993)      

Naomi had only recently got married and was in Golders Green having a chat with her best friend Becky. Naomi says, “Tell me, Becky, I’ve forgotten the procedure. When one first gets married, how long should one wait before starting to point out to one’s husband what disgusting habits his friends have?”

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Related:  Q & A (+15907)      

Q: How do you cook vegatables in the microwave?
A: Take them out their wheelchair.

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Related:  Sex (+4810)      

This guy was walking down a street in Texas and this hooker
says, “Say, wanna have a good time? We do things in a big
way down here in Texas.”
“Sure,” he says and they were off to the nearest motel. She
takes off her clothes and he keeps staring at her.
She says, “Is this the first pussy you seen since you crawled
out of one?”
The guy says, “No, just the first one I’ve seen big enough to
crawl back into.”

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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32387)      

A middle aged man walks into the bank and says to the young teller, “I
want to open a
fucking checking account”. “Please sir”, she replies, “we can’t have
language like that in
here.” “Why the Fuck not?” he asked. “Sir,” Came her retort, “I must
ask you to refrain
from swearing.” “I don’t give a shit what you want,” he answers, “I
just want to open a
fucking checking account.”
With this the teller leaves and returns in a moment with her branch
manager. The manager
asks if he might be able to help the gentleman. “Shit yes”, came the
reply, “I just won 14
million dollars in the lottery and want to open a fucking checking
account.” The branch
manager says, “I see, and this stupid, fucking, bitch is giving you a
hard time?”

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Related:  Politics (+3832)      

Bill Clinton is visiting a school. In one class, he asks the students if anyone can give him an example of a “tragedy”. One little boy stands up and offers that, “If my best friend who lives next door was playing in the street and a car came along and killed him, that would be a tragedy.”

“No,” Clinton says, “That would be an ACCIDENT.”

A girl raises her hand. “If a schoolbus carrying fifty children drove off a cliff, killing everyone involved…that would be a tragedy.”

“I’m afraid not,” explains Clinton. “That is what we would call a GREAT LOSS.”

The room is silent; none of the other children volunteer.

“What?” asks Clinton, “Isn’t there any one here who can give me an example of a tragedy?”

Finally, a boy in the back raises his hand. In a timid voice, he says: “If an airplane carrying Bill and Hillary Clinton were blown up by a bomb, that would be a tragedy.”

“Wonderful!” Clinton beams. “Marvelous! And can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?”

“Well,” says the boy, “because it wouldn’t be an accident, and it certainly would be no great loss!”

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