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Related:  Valentine's Day (+249)      

Cabbage always has a heart;
Green beans string along.
You’re such a Tomato,
Will you Peas to me belong?

You’ve been the Apple of my eye,
You know how much I care;
So Lettuce get together,
We’d make a perfect Pear.

Now, something’s sure to Turnip,
To prove you can’t be Beet;
So, if you Carrot all for me
Let’s let our tulips meet.

Don’t Squash my hopes and dreams now,
Bee my Honey, dear;
Or tears will fill Potato’s eyes,
While Sweet Corn lends an ear.

I’ll Cauliflower shop and say
Your dreams are Parsley mine.
I’ll work and share my Celery,
So be my valentine.

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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32386)      

How many witches does it take to change a Light bulb?
Depends on what you want it changed into…

How many T.V. evangelists does it take to change a Light bulb?
One. But for the message of hope to continue to go forth,
send in your tax-deductible donation today.

Q: How many Yuppies does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to call the electrician and one to mix the martinis.

Q: How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, the bulb will change itself when it is ready.

Q: How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. “You gotta hardware problem? Call the maintenance engineer”.

How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?
There is nothing wrong with that lightbulb and my client
demands an immediate apology and damages!

How many chiropractors does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one, but it takes forty-nine visits!

How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one. They don’t like to share the spotlight.

How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, one to screw it almost all the way in and the other to
give it a surprising twist at the end.

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Related:  Light Bulb (+1131), Professional (+1060), Q & A (+15907)      

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A1: “How many can you afford?”
A2: It only takes one to change your bulb…to his.
A3: Two. One to change it and one to keep interrupting by standing up and shouting “Objection!”
A4: Three. One to do it and two to sue him for malpractice.
A5: Three. One to turn the bulb, one to shake him off the ladder, and the third to sue the ladder company.
A6: Three. One to sue the power company for insufficiently supplying power, or negligent failure to prevent the surge
that made the bulb burn out in the first place, one to sue the electrician who wired the house, and one to sue the bulb
manufacturers.
A7: Fifty four. Eight to argue, one to get a continuance, one to object, one to demur, two to research precedents, one
to dictate a letter, one to stipulate, five to turn in their time cards, one to depose, one to write interrogatories, two to
settle, one to order a secretary to change the bulb, and twenty-eight to bill for professional services.

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Related:  Blonde (+4657)      

Q: Why did the blond lay out on the lawn chair in her bikini at midnight?
A: She wanted to get a dark tan.

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Related:  Technology (+1813)      

God, grant me the serenity to accept a post I cannot change,
Courage to walk past the computer without turning it on when I’m running late for work,
And the wisdom to know the difference between “come to bed now” meaning “let’s have some fun” and “come to bed NOW” meaning “that computer has got to go”!

– Amen

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