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An Australian Combat Field Engineer Sergeant and a U.S Marine were on exchange duty and were sharing the latrines.
The Aussie Sergeant finished first and walked out without washing his hands. The U.S Marine watched in disgust, finished his squirt, washed his hands and walked up to the Aussie Sergeant and said. ” In the U.S Marine Corps we were taught to wash our hands after a leak”.
The rather large Aussie Sergeant replied, ” In the Australian Army mate, we were taught not to piss on our hands …! “

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Related:  Blonde (+4657), Q & A (+15905)      

Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde’s head?
A: A Space Invader.

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You sat at the same desk for 4 years and worked for three different companies

Your company welcome sign is attached with Velcro

Your resume is on a diskette in your pocket

Your company logo on your badge is applied with stick-um

You order your business cards in “half orders” instead of whole boxes

When someone asks about what you do for a living, you lie

You get really excited about a 2% pay raise

You learn about your layoff on CNN

Your biggest loss from a system crash is that you lose your best jokes

You sit in a cubicle smaller than your bedroom closet

Salaries of the members on the Executive Board are higher than all the Third World countries’ annual budgets combined

You think lunch is just a meeting to which you drive

It’s dark when you drive to and from work

Fun is when issues are assigned to someone else

Communication is something your group is having problems with

You see a good looking person and know it is a visitor

Free food left over from meetings is your main staple

Weekends are those days your significant other makes you stay home

Being sick is defined as can’t walk or you’re in the hospital

Art involves a white board

You’re already late on the assignment you just got

You work 200 hours for the $100 bonus check and jubilantly say “Oh wow, thanks!”

Dilbert cartoons hang outside every cube and are read only by your co-workers

Your boss’ favorite lines are, “When you get a few minutes” or “When you’re freed up”

Your boss’ second favorite lines are, “…this isn’t exactly what we need. It may be what we asked for, but things have changed.”

Vacation is something you rollover to next year, or you try to use up three weeks between Christmas and New Years because otherwise you will lose it, or you get a check for it every January

Your relatives and family describe your job as “works with computers”

Change is the norm

The only reason you recognize your kids and friends is because their pictures are hanging in your cube

You only have makeup for fluorescent lighting

You read this entire list and understood it.

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Personally I think one of the greatest things about marriage is that
as both husband and Father, I can say anything I want to around the
house.

Of course, no one pays the least bit of attention.

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Yo momma so old and stupid she knew the Virgin Mary when she was 10 and said, “Li’l Mary will never amount to anything”.
Yo momma so old even God calls her mother!
Yo momma so old god sent her to hell cause she didn’t pay him back.
Yo momma so old her birth certificate is in Roman numerals.
Yo momma so old her birth certificate says expired on it.
Yo momma so old her social security number is 1!
Yo momma so old I told her to act her own age, and the bitch died.
Yo momma so old she farts dust.
Yo momma so old she gotta picture with her and Jesus on a seesaw.
Yo momma so old she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.
Yo momma so old she has Jesus beeper number!
Yo momma so old she knew Burger King when he was a prince.
Yo momma so old she knew Mr. Clean when he had an afro.
Yo momma so old she owes Jesus 3 bucks!
Yo momma so old she ran track with dinosaurs.
Yo momma so old she sat behind Jesus in the third grade.
Yo momma so old she uses to gangbang with the Hebrews.
Yo momma so old she was a waitress at the Last Supper.
Yo momma so old she was Jesus Wet Nurse
Yo momma so old she’s blind from the big bang
Yo momma so old that when God said let be the light, she hit the switch.
Yo momma so old that when she was in school there was no history class.

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