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Related:  Jewish (+6995)      

Issy had never been on a train in his life. One day, he decided that as it was a lovely sunny day, he would try a train ride. Off he went with his yarmulke on his head, a shtick of vusht under one arm and a blackbread & some herrings in a jar in the other. He sits down in a plush compartment and gets settled down to fress. Suddenly, a porter pops his head in and says. “Sir, you will have to leave this compartment. It’s reserved for the Archbishop of Canterbury.”
Issy replies “Vell, how do you know I’m not de Archbishop of Canterbury?”

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Related:  Jewish (+6995)      

Religious Quickies

* A good sermon should have a good beginning and a good ending – and they should be as close together as possible.
* Definition of Atheism: a non-prophet organization.
* Photons have mass? I didnt even know they were Catholic.
* Im convinced that God put me here to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now, Im so far behind, I don’t think Ill ever die.
* Adam said to Eve, “Ill wear the plants in this family.”
* Sects, sects, sects. Is that all you monks ever think about?
* On the sixth day, God created the platypus. And God said, “Lets see the evolutionists try and figure this one out.”
* And on the seventh day, God said, “Let there be Danish.”

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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32430)      

Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse’s legs, rump, and chest.
After a few minutes, Johnny asked, “Dad, why are you doing that?”
His father replied, “Because when I’m buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy.
Johnny, looking worried, said, “Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom.”

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Related:  Politics (+3831)      

Q: How did Bill Clinton get a crick in his neck?

A: Trying to save both faces.

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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32430)      

What a drag it is getting old…
When I went to the bar tonight, I noticed this old boy about 75-80 years sitting all alone in the corner and he was crying over his cocktail.
I stopped and asked him what was wrong.
He said: “I have a 22 year old lover at home. I met him a month or so ago, right here in this very bar!” He continued; “He makes love to me every morning and then he makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground, brewed coffee.”
I said: “Well, then why are you crying?”
He said: “He makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies and then he makes love to me half the afternoon.”
I said: “Well, so why are you crying?”
He said: “For dinner he makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert and then he makes love to me until 2:00 am.”
I said: “Well, for goodness sakes! Why in the world would you be CRYING!”
And he said: “I CAN’T REMEMBER WHERE I LIVE!”

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