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Related:  Medical (+1839)      

A Dr. was hurriedly going down the hallway when a nurse came rushing after him explaining that she needed his signature on a patients chart.

He reached into his pocket and was about to sign his name when he realized he was holding a rectal thermometer. “Damn!” he says to the nurse, “Some asshole has got my favorite pen!”

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Related:  Animals (+5186), Q & A (+15907)      

Q: What is the difference between an elephant and a flea?
A: An elephant can have fleas but a flea can’t have elephants!

Q: Why did the elephant paint his toenails red?
A: So he could hide in the cherry tree!

Q: How do you know when there is an elephant under your bed?
A: When your nose touches the ceiling!

Q: What do you call an elephant that flies?
A: A jumbo jet!

Q: What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?
A: Big holes all over Australia!

Q: How does an elephant get down from a tree?
A: He sits on a leaf and waits till autumn!

Q: Why did the elephant paint himself with different colours?
A: Because he wanted to hide in the colouring box!

Q: Why were the elephants thrown out of the swimming pool?
A: Because they couldn’t hold their trunks up!

Q: What time is it when an elephant sits on the fence?
A: Time to fix the fence!

Q: Why does an elephant wear sneakers?
A: So that he can sneak up on mice!

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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32386)      

Did you hear about the woman who has five legs?

Her knickers fit her like a glove!

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Related:  Jewish (+6993)      

Q: Have you seen the newest Jewish-American Princess horror movie?
A: It’s called “Debbie Does Dishes”.

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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32386)      

Four expectant fathers were in a Minneapolis hospital waiting room, while their wives were in labor.

The nurse arrived and announced to the first man, “Congratulations sir, you’re the father of twins.”

“What a coincidence!” the man said with some obvious pride. “I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team.”

The nurse returned in a little while and turned to the second man, “You, sir, are the father of triplets.”

“Wow, that’s really an incredible coincidence,” he answered. “I work for the 3M Corporation. My buddies at work will never let me live this one down.”

An hour later, while the other two men were passing cigars around, the nurse came back. This time, she turned to the third man, who had been quiet in the corner. She announced that his wife had just given birth to quadruplets. Stunned, he barely could reply.

“Don’t tell me another coincidence?” asked the nurse.

After finally regaining his composure, he said, “I don’t believe it, I work for the Four Seasons Hotel.”

After hearing this, everybody’s attention turned to the fourth guy, who had just fainted, flat out on the floor. The nurse rushed to his side and, after some time, he slowly gained back his consciousness.

The nurse asked, “Sir, are you all right?”

“Yes” says the man, “I’m o.k. now. I just had a shocking thought. I work at the 7-11 Store.”

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