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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32430)      

A muslim was sat next to an Australian on an aeroplane. After the plane had taken off the air hostess came over and asked for drinks orders. The Australian orders a ‘Jack Daniels’ and coke. The air hostess asks the muslim if he too would like a drink? Looking at the Australians drink, the muslim replies in disgust ‘Id rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores and had my head shoved up a sheeps arsehole, than let liquor pass my lips!’ The Aussie passes the drink back to the air hostess and sayes ‘Strewth, I didnt know we had a choice!’

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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32430)      

How many archaeologists does it take to change a light bulb?
Generally only one, but some rooms we can’t even get into since 1933.
How many archaeologists does it take to change a light bulb?
Are you kidding?! Why would we let them do that?! The broken bulb is a national treasure, pointing to our rich, rich history and culture. No, we would rather build a shrine there, and charge admission to see the ‘ancient luminosity device’…hmmm, maybe we could even sell little figurines…
How many archaeologists does it take to change a light bulb?
Actually they are afraid to do it…they think that if they remove the top layer bulb, that they will disturb the (presumed) earlier bulbs that are screwed in beneath the one that is currently showing…
How many archaeologists does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but it will take years and years of initial site study…we have to first correlate all the surrounding furniture and domestic devices, and then decide whether the anthropological theory about the bulb being a cultic object (based on its central location in the room, its being up out of reach–symbolizing transcendence, and its obviously sun-like shape) is a correct socio-economic understanding…
How many archaeologists does it take to change a light bulb?
All of them. One to change the bulb, and the rest of them to weep about what Thiering, Allegro, Baigent and Leigh will write about it…
How many archaeologists does it take to change a light bulb?
No amount of them can do it, but for an underground antiquities dealer it only takes 5 minutes…
How many archaeologists does it take to change a light bulb?
501–one to take the old bulb out, and 500 to proclaim that it confirms the biblical record…
How many archaeologists does it take to change a light bulb?
501–one to take the old bulb out, and 500 to proclaim that it dis-confirms the biblical record…(so much for the univocity of the archaeological record, eh?)
How many archaeologists does it take to change a light bulb?
Well, actually, it only takes a couple to remove the old bulb, but then they get so involved in studying the old bulb (especially in trying to correlate its appearance with all other burned-out bulbs within a 1000 km radius), that they never get around to putting the new bulb in…

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Related:  Medical (+1839)      

A woman in her 30′s was taking her mother, who was in her 60′s to the gynecologist. After dropping her mother off, she and her daughter ran a few errands, then returned to the doctor.

While the older woman had her feet in the stirrups, the doctor remarked, “Don’t we look pretty today!” as he performed his examination. The lady was quite shocked, but said nothing.

When her daughter picked her up, she was quite upset. The following conversation ensued:

Mother: Do you know what that doctor said to me? He said, “Don’t we look pretty today”, while he was looking between my legs! Do you think that was appropriate?

Daughter: No! Are you sure he wasn’t referring to your hairstyle or something?

Mother: Well, it still wasn’t appropriate or professional. I wonder if it could be considered sexual harassment. What do you think?

Daughter: I don’t know. Were you embarrassed?

Mother: I was very embarrassed. I used some of your FDS this morning, and he may have smelled that, but I still don’t think he should have commented!

Daughter: I don’t have any FDS.

Mother: Why, sure you do! In the blue can that was on back of the toilet. I used some before the appointment…

Granddaughter: That’s my Barbie Golden Glitter Hair Spray!!

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Related:  Financial (+1218), Q & A (+15908)      

Q: How can you tell when an accountant owns a used car lot?
A: She keeps turning back the gas gauge.

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Related:  Medical (+1839)      

Three surgeons were discussing which types of patients they preferred to operate on. Doctor Waters said, “I prefer librarians. All of their organs are alphabetized.”
Doctor Franklin replied, “I prefer mathematicians because all of their organs are numbered.”

Lastly, Doctor Zang responded, “I prefer lawyers. They are gutless, heartless, brainless, spineless, and their heads and rear ends are interchangeable.”

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