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Related:  Dog (+336)      

A man took his Rottweiler to the vet and said “My dog’s cross- eyed, is there anything you can do for him?”
“Well,” said the vet, “lets have a look at him.” So he picks the dog up and has a good look at its eyes.
“Hmm,” says the vet, “I’m going to have to put him down”
“Just because he’s cross-eyed?” says the man.
“No, because he’s heavy,” says the vet.

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Related:  Sport (+1015)      

Two pigeons were talking as they stood on the boundary watching the game. ‘Now here’s what we do,’ ‘We wait till the bowler runs up and bowls, and then, as the batsman hits it, we suddenly fly up over the stand. It gets the crowd every time!’

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Related:  Medical (+1839)      

A Dr. was hurriedly going down the hallway when a nurse came rushing after him explaining that she needed his signature on a patients chart.

He reached into his pocket and was about to sign his name when he realized he was holding a rectal thermometer. “Damn!” he says to the nurse, “Some asshole has got my favorite pen!”

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Related:  Animals (+5186), Q & A (+15908)      

Q: What is the difference between an elephant and a flea?
A: An elephant can have fleas but a flea can’t have elephants!

Q: Why did the elephant paint his toenails red?
A: So he could hide in the cherry tree!

Q: How do you know when there is an elephant under your bed?
A: When your nose touches the ceiling!

Q: What do you call an elephant that flies?
A: A jumbo jet!

Q: What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?
A: Big holes all over Australia!

Q: How does an elephant get down from a tree?
A: He sits on a leaf and waits till autumn!

Q: Why did the elephant paint himself with different colours?
A: Because he wanted to hide in the colouring box!

Q: Why were the elephants thrown out of the swimming pool?
A: Because they couldn’t hold their trunks up!

Q: What time is it when an elephant sits on the fence?
A: Time to fix the fence!

Q: Why does an elephant wear sneakers?
A: So that he can sneak up on mice!

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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32384)      

Did you hear about the woman who has five legs?

Her knickers fit her like a glove!

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