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Related:  Law (+1200)      

One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny trail, and he tripped over a large snake and fell, KerPlop!, right on his twitchy little nose. “Oh, please excuse me!” said the bunny. “I didn’t mean to trip over you, but I’m blind and couldn’t see.”

“That’s perfectly all right,” replied the snake. “To be sure, it was MY fault. I didn’t mean to trip you, but I’m blind too, and I didn’t see you coming. By the way, what kind of animal are you?”

“Well, I really don’t know,” said the bunny. “Since I’m blind, I’ve never seen myself. Maybe you could examine me and find out.”

So the snake felt the bunny all over, and he said, “Well, you’re soft, and cuddly, and you have long silky ears, and a little fluffy tail, and a dear twitchy little nose. You must be a bunny rabbit!”

And the little blind bunny was so pleased he danced with joy.

Then he said, “I can’t thank you enough, but by the way, what kind of animal are you?”

And the snake replied that he didn’t know, and the bunny agreed to examine HIM, and when he was finished, the snake said, “Well, what kind of an animal am I?”

The bunny replied, “You’re hard, you’re cold, you’re slimy, and you haven’t got any balls… You must be a lawyer!”

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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32432)      

Picture yourself near a stream.

Birds are softly chirping in the crisp, cool mountain air.

Nothing can bother you here.

No one knows this secret place.

You are in total seclusion from that place called The World.

The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.

The water is clear.

You can easily make out the face of the person whose head you’re holding under the water.

There now … feeling better?

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Related:  Religious (+819)      

Little Johnny goes up to his mother and asks, “Is God male or female?”
After thinking for a moment, his mother responds, “Well, honey, God is
both male and female.”
This confuses Little Johnny, so he asks, “Is God black or white?”
“Well, God is both black and white.”
This further confuses him so he asks, “Is God gay or straight?”
At this the mother is getting concerned, but answers nonetheless,
“Honey, God is both gay and straight.”
At this Little Johnny’s face lights up with understanding and he
triumphantly asks, “Mom, is God Michael Jackson?”

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Related:  New Year (+83)      

Amaze your friends this New Year’s Eve by actually knowing the words to the song that everyone sings at midnight!

Should auld acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot and days of auld lang syne?
For auld lang syne, my dear, for auld lang syne,
we’ll take a cup of kindness yet, for auld lang syne.

Should auld acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot and days of auld lang syne?
And here’s a hand, my trusty friend And gie’s a hand o’ thine
We’ll tak’ a cup o’ kindness yet For auld lang syne.

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Related:  Mother's Day (+18)      

Two children ordered their mother to stay in bed one Mother’s Day morning.

As she lay there looking forward to being brought breakfast in bed, the smell of bacon floated up from the kitchen.

Finally, the children called her to come downstairs.

She found them both sitting at the table eating bacon and eggs.

“As a surprise for Mother’s Day,” one explained, “we decided to cook our own breakfast!”

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