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Related:  Professional (+1060), Q & A (+15907)      

Q: What do you get when you cross a music critic with a bowling ball?

A: A bowling ball that wouldn’t know a good performance if it heard one.

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Related:  Kids (+2428), Q & A (+15907)      

Q: What do you call someone who is afraid of Santa?
A: A Clausterphobic

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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32386)      

These two businessmen were chatting over a well earned drink in a New York bar one Friday evening.
‘God, I embarrassed myself last week’ says the first. ‘There I was in the railroad station trying to get to Pittsburgh. The ticket clerk had the biggest breasts I had ever seen outside of Playboy, and when she served me I said “Give me a ticket to TITS – BURGH”. I’ve never been so embarrassed in my life”.
‘I know what you mean’ said his colleague. Only the other morning I was having breakfast with my wife, and when I meant to say “pass the butter”, what I actually said was “you miserable cow, you’ve completely f. . . cked up my life”. She’s still not speaking to me.

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Related:  Sport (+1015)      

Pat is appearing on the television quiz show ‘Who wants to be a Millionaire’. He has already reached the £64,000 mark but he only has one lifeline left which is to phone a friend.

“You’ve done really well to get this far Pat” the quizmaster says, “the next question is worth £125,000 if you decide to play. Are you ready?”

“Sure” Pat nods.

“On screen is a photograph of a current Manchester United player as a small baby.” the quizmaster continues, “The question is Pat, and don’t forget this is for £125,000, which player is it?”

Pat looks at the picture on screen for a while and says “I’m pretty sure it’s Ruud Van Nistelroy… No, I’m sure it is… Can I phone a friend just to check?”

“OK” the quizmaster asks, “Who are going to phone?”

Pat answers and pretty soon the phone is ringing and his best friend Mick picks up at the other end. The quizmaster explains the situation to Mick and Pat asks him the same question.

Without any hesitation Mick replies “No, that’s definately Paul Scholes ”

Pat looks concerned now “Are you sure Mick, I’m convinced that it’s Ruud Van Nistelroy?”

“Definately” Mick replies.

“Well” the quizmaster continues, “You’ve used your lifeline, now I need your answer”

“OK” says Pat, looking nervous now, “But I’m sure it’s Ruud Van Nistelroy, that’s my final answer… Ruud Van Nistelroy.”

“You had £64,000 Pat, If you’re right you win £125,000, if you’re wrong you leave us with the money you’ve got so far…” There’s a tense drum roll and the music dips before the quizmaster speaks again

“Sorry Pat, you were wrong. Never mind, you’ve been a great contestant and you’ve won £64,000. Here’s your cheque and thanks for playing.”

As the audience start to applaud Pat asks, “What was the correct answer, it’s killing me!”

The quizmaster replies, “Louis Saha.”

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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32386)      

Why do black people wear doo-rags?

You would too if you had pubes on your head.

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