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Related:  Jewish (+6995)      

It is not generally known that a few years ago the Jewish community in Madrid discovered at the last moment that they had no horseradish for making chrain for Pesach. All the countries they asked replied in the same way, “Sorry, we have none left to send you.”
So, in desperation, the Spanish Chief Rabbi called his friend in Israel and begged him to immediately send him some horseradish by air freight. He agreed and three days before Pesach, a crate of the best grade of tear-jerking Israeli horseradish was loaded onto an El Al Flight to Madrid. All seemed to be going OK but when the Chief Rabbi went to the airport to pick up his desperately needed horseradish, he was shocked to learn that there was a strike and that no crates of any kind would be unloaded at the airport for at least four days.
So, as it is said, “The chrain in Spain stayed mainly on the plane.”

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Related:  Holidays (+1418)      

Dad: “Most people don’t have to work today, because it’s Labor Day.”
Son: “If they’re not working, shouldn’t it be ‘No-Labor’ Day?”

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Related:  Men vs. Women (+5687)      

A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie. The genie said, “OK, OK. You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah.” This is the fourth time this month and I’m getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three. You only get one wish”

The man sat and thought about it for awhile and said, “I’ve always wanted to go to Hawaii but I’m scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?”

The genie laughed and said, “That’s impossible. Think of the logistics of that How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete…how much steel No, think of another wish.”

The man said OK and tried to think of a really good wish. Finally, he said, “I’ve been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don’t care and that I’m insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women… know how they feel inside and what they’re thinking when they give me the silent treatment… know why they’re crying, know what they really want when they say nothing… know how to make them truly happy… ”

The genie said, “You want that bridge two lanes or four?”

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Related:  Italian (+655)      

I noticed a big difference between NY Italians and Chicago Poles when I was young: if you told an Italian joke, the NY Italian would probably laugh and tell you a better one. Tell a Polack joke to the Polish guy, and you risked getting your head punched off your shoulders.

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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32385)      

A man was driving home late one afternoon, and he was driving above the speed limit. He notices a police car with its red lights on in his rear view mirror. He thinks “I can outrun this guy,” so he floors it and the race is on. The cars are racing down the highway – 60, 70, 80, 90 miles an hour.

Finally, as his speedometer passes 100, the guy figures “what the heck,” and gives up. He pulls over to the curb.

The police officer gets out of his cruiser and approaches the car. He leans down and says “Listen mister, I’ve had a really lousy day, and I just want to go home. Give me a good excuse and I’ll let you go.”

The man thought for a moment and said… “Three weeks ago, my wife ran off with a police officer. When I saw your cruiser in my rear view mirror, I thought that you were the officer and that you were trying to give her back to me!”

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