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Related:  Blonde (+4657), Q & A (+15907)      

Q. How does a blonde like her eggs in the morning?
A. Fertilized

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Related:  Blonde (+4657)      

There was a blonde driving down the road listening to the radio. The DJ was telling blonde joke after blonde joke until the blonde was mad enough she turned her radio off.

A mile down the road, she saw another blonde out in a corn field in a boat rowing. The blonde stopped her car jumped out and yelled, “You bimbo, it’s blondes like you that give us all a bad name. If I could swim I’d come out there and give you what’s coming to you!”

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Related:  Drunk (+137)      

You lose arguments with inanimate objects.

You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.

Job interfering with your drinking.

Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.

Career won’t progress beyond Senator from Massachusetts.

The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.

Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group.

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case – coincidence?? – I think not!

Two hands and just one mouth… – now THAT’S a drinking problem!

You can focus better with one eye closed.

The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar.

You fall off the floor…

Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops.

Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!

Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you.

At AA meetings you begin: “Hi, my name is… uh…”

Your idea of cutting back is less salt.

The whole bar says ‘Hi’ when you come in…

You think the Four Basic Food Groups are Caffeine, Nicotine, Alcohol, and Pretzels

Roseanne looks good.

Don’t recognize wife unless seen through bottom of glass.

That stupid pink elephant followed me home again.

Senators Kennedy and Packwood shake their heads when they walk past you.

“I’m as jober as a sudge.”

The shrubbery’s drunk from too frequent watering.

You wake up screaming “TORO TORO TORO!” in the middle of the night.

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Related:  Men vs. Women (+5687), Q & A (+15907)      

Q: What do toilet seats, anniversaries and a clitoris have in common?

A: Men miss them all.

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Related:  Medical (+1839), Over the Hill (+599)      

An elderly woman went into the doctor’s office. When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, “I’d like to have some birth control pills.”

Taken aback, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, “Excuse me, Mrs. Smith, but you’re 75 years old. What possible use could you have for birth control pills?”
The woman responded, “They help me sleep better.”

The doctor thought some more and continued, “How in the world do birth control pills help you to sleep?”

The woman said, “I put them in my granddaughter’s orange juice and I sleep better at night.”

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