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Related:  Light Bulb (+1131), Q & A (+15908)      

Q: How many strong does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: 115. One to hold the bulb and 114 to rotate the house.

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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32427)      

“Dear Reyer School, God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your
recent senior citizen’s luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at the county
home for the aged. All my people are gone. It’s nice to know that someone
thinks of me. God bless you for your kindness to an old forgotten lady.
My roommate is 95 and always had her own radio, but would never let me
listen to it. The other day her radio fell and broke into a lot of pieces.
It was awful. She asked if she could listen to mine, so naturally I told
her to go fuck herself.

Sincerely,
Edna Johnston”

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Related:  Easter (+210)      

A man was blissfully driving along the highway when he saw the Easter Bunny hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the Bunny, but unfortunately, the rabbit jumped in front of his car and was hit. The basket of eggs went flying all over the place. Candy, too.

The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side of the road, and got out to see what had become of the Bunny carrying the basket. Much to his dismay, the colorful Bunny was dead. The driver felt guilty and began to cry.

A woman driving down the same highway saw the man crying on the side of the road and pulled over. She stepped out of her car an asked the man what was wrong.

“I feel terrible,” he explained. “I accidentally hit the Easter Bunny and killed him. There may not be an Easter because of me. What should I do?”

The woman told the man not to worry. She knew exactly what to do. She went to her car trunk and pulled out a spray can. She walked over to the limp dead Bunny and sprayed the entire contents of the can onto the furry little animal.

Miraculously, the Easter Bunny came back to life! He jumped up, picked up the spilled eggs and candy, waved his paw at the two humans and hopped on down the road.

Fifty yards away, the Easter Bunny stopped, turned around and waved.

He hopped another fifty yards down the road, stopped, turned around and waved again.

The man was astonished. He said to the woman, “What in Heaven’s name is in your spray can?!”

The woman turned the can around so that the man could read the label.

It said: HAIR SPRAY. Restores life to dead hair. Adds permanent wave.

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Related:  Animals (+5196), Q & A (+15908)      

Q: How do you catch a polar bear?

A: You cut a hole in the ice. Then you open a can of peas. Place the peas next to the whole in the ice. When the bear comes to take a pea… you kick him in the ice hole.

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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32427)      

Doctor: Nurse, how is that little girl doing who swallowed ten quarters last night?

Nurse: No change yet.

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