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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32431)      

40 Californians shiver uncontrollably, Minnesotans go swimming.

35 Italian cars don’t start.

32 Water freezes.

30 You can see your breath. Politicians begin to worry about the
Homeless.

25 Boston water freezes.
Cat insists on sleeping on your bed with you.

20 Californians weep pitiably, Minnesotans eat ice cream.
You can hear your breath.

15 N.Y. City water freezes.
Politicians begin to talk aobut the homeless.

12 You plan a vacation to Mexico.

10 Too cold to snow

5 You need jumper cables to get the car going.
Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you.

3 You plan a vacation in Houston.

0 Too cold to skate.
American cars don’t start.

-5 You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo.

-10 Too cold to think.
Politicians actually do something about the homeless.

-15 Cat insists on sleeping in your pajamas with you.
You need jumper cables to get the driver going.

-20 You plan a 2-week hot bath.

-25 The mighty Monongahela freezes.
Japanese cars don’t start.

-30 Californians disappear, Minnesotans button top button…

Below -30 The kids call home from college.

End of the world…

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Related:  LGBT (+289), Q & A (+15908)      

Q: How can you tell when your house has been burglarized by gays?
A: When you come home, you discover that your jewelry is missing, and all your furniture has been tastefully rearranged.

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Related:  Redneck (+1460)      

Unlike clothes and shoes, a toothbrush should never be a hand-me-down item.
If you have to vacuum the bed, it’s time to change the sheets.
While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one’s OWN truck keys.
Plucking unwanted nose hair is time-consuming work. A cigarette lighter and a small tolerance for pain can accomplish the same goal and save hours.
Note: Its a good idea to keep a bucket of water handy when using this method.
Going without underwear is NOT an option. (from Redneck Ferret)
Dab a little perfume here and there. (from Tweetheart86chic)
Once every month take the kids out to the back yard so pa can hose them down. (from Tweetheart86chic)
Both of your socks should always be the same color, or they should at least both be fairly dark. (from OrlandotheAxe98)
Remeber, the cleanest kid goes in the tub first. (from TSimonreid)

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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32431)      

The District Attorney requested all the robbery victims to
come to the police station to study a lineup of five people. He placed
his suspect at the end of the line. Then he asked each to step forward
and say, “Give me all your money… and I need some change in quarters,
nickels and dimes.” The first four did it right. However, when it was
the last man’s turn to recite, he broke the case by blurting out,
“That isn’t what I said.”

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Related:  Politics (+3830)      

During a recent publicity outing, Hillary sneaked off to visit a
fortune teller of some local repute. In a dark and hazy room,
peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news.

“There’s no easy way to say this, so I’ll just be blunt: Prepare
yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and
horrible death this year.”

Visibly shaken, Hillary stared at the woman’s lined face, then at
the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a
few deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know. She
met the fortune teller’s gaze, steadied her voice, and asked her
question:

“Will I be acquitted?”

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