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In a crowded city at a crowded bus stop, a stunningly beautiful young
woman was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight black
leather mini skirt with matching leather boots and jacket. As the bus
rolled up and it became her turn to get on the bus, she became aware that
her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the
bus’ first step.

So, slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she
reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little, thinking that this
would give her enough slack to raise her leg. Again she tried to make the
step onto the bus only to discover she still could not make the step.

So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her and
unzipped her skirt a little more. And for a second time she attempted the
step and once again, much to her dismay, she could not raise her leg
because of the tight skirt.

So, with a coy little smile to the driver, she again unzipped the
offending skirt to give a little more slack and again was unable to make
the step.

About this time the big Texan that was behind her in the line picked her
up easily from the waist and placed her lightly on the step of the bus.
The pretty young woman went ballistic and turned on the would-be hero,
screeching at him, “How dare you touch my body!! I don’t even know who
you are!!!!”

At this the Texan drawled, “Well ma’am, normally I would agree with you
but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kind a figured that we was
friends.”

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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32432)      

Two men are talking. The first sez, “I got married because I was tired
of eating out, cleaning the house, doing the laundry and wearing
shabby clothes.”

“Amazing,” said the second, “I just got divorced for the very same
reasons.”

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Related:  Celebrity (+963), Q & A (+15911)      

Q: What’s the difference between Madonna and the Panama Canal?

A: Well, you see, the Panama canal is a busy ditch…

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Related:  Politics (+3830)      

Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in l846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in l946.

Abraham Lincoln was elected President in l860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in l960.

The names Lincoln and Kennedy each contain seven letters.

Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.

Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.

Both Presidents were shot in the head.

Lincoln’s secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy’s secretary was named Lincoln.

Both were assassinated by Southerners.

Both were succeeded by Southerners.

Both successors were named Johnson.

Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in l908.

John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.

Both assassins were known by the their three names.

Both names are comprised of fifteen letters.

Lincoln was shot at the theater named “Kennedy”
Kennedy was shot in a car called “Lincoln”.

Booth ran from the theater and was caught in a warehouse.
Oswald ran from a warehouse and was caught in a theater.

Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.

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Two parents take their son on a vacation and go to a nude beach. The father goes for a walk on the beach and the son goes and plays in the water.
The son comes running up to his mom and says, “Mommy, I saw ladies with boobies a lot bigger than yours!”
The mom says, “The bigger they are, the dumber they are.”
So he goes back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and says, “Mommy, I saw men with dingers a lot bigger than Daddy’s!”
The mom says, “The bigger they are, the dumber they are.”
So he goes back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and says, “Mommy, I just saw Daddy talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw and the more and more he talked, the dumber and dumber he got!”

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