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Related:  Jewish (+6993)      

Becky and Myron decided to take their little son from the heat of the city to his first visit to the beach. Dressed in his little sailor suit and hat and pail and shovel in hand, the boy happily played at the water’s edge as his mother and father spread their picnic blanket. Then suddenly, to his parents’ horror, a huge wave crashed down on the boy and then dragged him far out to sea. As neither of his parents could swim, his mother began to wail and cry, “Dear God, be merciful. Return our son to us!”
Suddenly another huge wave cast the boy back up on the sand at his parents’ feet. His mother inspected her son and then quickly looked back towards the heavens and said, “He had a hat!”

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Related:  Holidays (+1418)      

10. You get winded from knocking on the door.

9. You have to have another kid chew the candy for you.

8. You ask for high fiber candy only.

7. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balance and fall over.

6. People say, “Great Keith Richards mask!” and you’re not wearing a mask.

5. When the door opens you yell, “Trick or…” and can’t remember the rest.

4. By the end of the night, you have a bag full of restraining orders.

3. You have to carefully choose a costume that won’t dislodge your hairpiece.

2. You’re the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with awalker.

1. You avoid going to houses where your ex-wives live.

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Related:  Music (+2462)      

Satchmo always got his hair cut in the salon of Monsieur Dudas in New Orleans’ French Quarter. As a young, penniless artist, he ran up quite a bill there. Since he couldn’t pay, he promised instead to advertise for the hairdresser. That’s why he ended so many songs by “… Ah, Barber Dudas”

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Related:  Jewish (+6993)      

God is so disenchanted with all the noisy earthly music he keeps on hearing that he decides to do something about it. He sits down to write a Rosh Hashanah (New Year) symphony. When he finishes, God is very pleased with his effort. It is, he says to himself, ‘a magnificent musical symphony, exactly how real music should sound.’
Now that it’s ready, God wants his symphony performed as quickly as possible, so he assembles the greatest musicians of all time and invites everyone who ever lived to hear his masterpiece. No one could refuse.
The day of the unique concert arrives and God himself decides to conduct his own composition. He stands in front of a music stand made of solid gold, taps his baton for order and then the music begins.
The first movement lasts a whole year, but passes so quickly that no one notices. The second movement is even more beautiful than the first and even though this lasts over 2 years, no one seems to mind.
Now comes the third movement. This is the longest and loveliest of all and midway through is a special solo part – one note struck on a silver triangle. It is the highpoint of the symphony. And guess who has been personally selected by God to strike that note? It’s none other than Moshe. Moshe’s family are so proud – it is such an honour to be chosen.
Moshe stands patiently waiting his cue – he doesn’t want to miss it. Then it comes. All the other instruments are hushed. Moshe swings and… .. Oy Gevalt, he misses. There is no sound at all. The orchestra goes deathly quiet and a groan goes up from the audience of billions.
God taps his baton on the gold music stand for order and says, “OK everyone, lets start again from the top.”

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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32387)      

President Bill Clinton called Chretien with an emergency: Our largest
condom factory has exploded!” the American President cried, “My people’s
favourite form of birth control! This is a true disaster!”
“Bill, da Canadian pipple would be ‘appy to do anyt’ing wit’in der power
to ‘elp you,” replied the Prime Minister.
“I do need your help,” said Clinton. “Could you possibly send 1,000,000
condoms ASAP to tide us over?”
“Certainment! I get right on it!” said Chretien.
“Oh, and one more small favour, please?” said Clinton.
“Oui?”
“Could the condoms be red, white & blue in colour, at least 10″ long and
4″ in diameter?” said Clinton.
“No problem,” replied the Prime Minister and, with that, Chretien hung up
and called the President of Trojan Condoms.
“I need a favour, you got to make 1,000,000 condoms right away and send
‘dem to Hamerica.”
“Consider it done,” said the President of Trojan.
“Great! Now listen, dey hab to be bleu, blanc et rouge in colour; at
least 10″ long and 4″ in diameter.”
“Easily done. Anything else?”
“Yah,” said the Prime Minister, “an’ print ‘MADE IN CANADA, SIZE MEDIUM’
on each one.”

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