Joke's Database
     
Have fun searching 100254 jokes and pictures!


Related:  Blonde (+4662)      

A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.

She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, “I’ve kidnapped you.”

She then wrote a note saying, “I’ve kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, A Blonde.”

The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid’s shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.

The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree.

The Blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, “How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?”

Share on Facebook!    Share on Twitter!    Share on Reddit!    Share on Stumbleupon!    Share on LinkedIn!    Share on Google!    Share with friends
Related:  Blonde (+4662), Q & A (+15907)      

Q: Why is a blonde like a turtle?

A: They are both screwed when they’re on their back.

Share on Facebook!    Share on Twitter!    Share on Reddit!    Share on Stumbleupon!    Share on LinkedIn!    Share on Google!    Share with friends
Related:  Jewish (+6995)      

Moshe is an inventor, or at least he thinks he is. After spending many months in his study working on his latest ideas, he rings the Patent Office and books an appointment. When he arrives, the receptionist greets him, “Good morning Mr. Levy. I see you’re booked to meet with one of our consultants to discuss your three new inventions. Before you do so, however, I have to fill in this form. I only need to ask you some basic questions. Is this OK with you?”
“Yes, it’s fine, thank you,” replies Moshe.
After asking Moshe the usual questions such as name, address, nationality and age, the receptionist goes on to ask, “And what is your first invention, Mr Levy?”
“I’ve invented a folding bottle,” replies Moshe, proudly.
“And do you have a name for it?” she asks.
“Yes, I call it a FOTTLE,” replies Moshe.
“And what’s your second invention?” she asks, smiling ever so slightly.
“I’ve invented a folding carton,” replies Moshe.
“And what do you call that?” she asks.
“I call it a FARTON,” replies Moshe.
At that, she can’t help laughing as she says, “If I may say so, Mr Levy, those are rather silly names for new products. And the name of your carton is a bit rude too.”
Moshe is not prepared to take any further ridicule from her and walks out of the office. He doesn’t even tell her about his third invention, his folding bucket.

Share on Facebook!    Share on Twitter!    Share on Reddit!    Share on Stumbleupon!    Share on LinkedIn!    Share on Google!    Share with friends
Related:  Q & A (+15907)      

Q: What do you call a woodpecker with no beak?
A: A headbanger!

Share on Facebook!    Share on Twitter!    Share on Reddit!    Share on Stumbleupon!    Share on LinkedIn!    Share on Google!    Share with friends
Related:  Men vs. Women (+5690), Q & A (+15907), Sex (+4816)      

As a young, modern virgin of the nineties, you no doubt have many questions concerning romance, love, even s..e..x. In this
sensitive and frank “question and answer” format, noted sex therapist Dr Ruth explains everything you’ve ever wondered about.

Q: Where can I find the man of my dreams?

A: This is a difficult question, since every virgin probably has a different ideal of what their own personal Prince Charming
should act and look like. However, when it comes to finding Mr Right, I can give
you a good suggestion on where to start – and that’s in a bar. That’s
right, go to a bar… preferably the kind that smells of stale beer and
lots of men crowded around watching a sports event on television. Pick a
man that looks interesting – it’s best to stay away from the shallow
“pretty boys” in designer clothes with bulging muscles. Instead, I
recommend you pick somebody a little older and wiser, possibly
reassuring pot belly. Boldly approach him, offer to buy him a few beers,
then invite him back to your place. He’ll advise you from there.

Q: How do I know if I found Mr Right?

A: Unfortunately, there’s no sure way to tell. Therefore, I suggest you try out many different kinds of men and many different
kinds of bars.

Q: Do men like aggresive virgins?

A: Definitely. Although they don’t admit it, men are often shy – so it’s
up to you to be bold. In addition to bars, don’t be afraid to approach
men on streetcorners, in restaurants, even in restrooms. Break the ice
with simple “hello”, followed by an offer to buy them dinner, drinks -
even an expensive gift. Then invite them to back to your place.

Q: What if a man’s married?

A: Go for it. This is a great opportunity to enjoy the valuable
experience a married man possesses, without being tied down by any sort
of commitment.

Q: But what if I fall in love with a married man?

A: This is a tough one, especially if you’re a woman and find yourself
pregnant. Ask him how he feels about his wife and family. If he says his
wife doesn’t understand him and he’s thinking of leaving her, believe
him and continue your relationship, secure in the knowledge that he’ll
soon make good his promise. Married men rarely lie about such important
matters.

Q: How do I know if I’m ready for sex?

A: Ask your boyfriend. He’ll know when the time is right. When it comes
to love and sex, experienced men are much more responsible, since
they’re not confused emotionally as virgins. It’s a proven fact.

Q: Should I have sex on the first date?

A: YES. Before if possible.

Q: What exactly happens during the act of sex?

A: Again, this is entirely up to the man. The important thing to
remember is that you must do whatever he tells you without question.
Sometimes, however, he may ask you to do certain things that may at
first seem strange to you. Do them anyway.

Q: How long should the sex act last?

A: This is a natural and normal part of nature, so don’t feel ashamed or
embarrassed. After your man has finished making love, he’ll have a
natural desire to leave you suddenly, and go out with his friends to
play golf. Or perhaps another activity, such as going out with his
friends to the bar for the purpose of consuming large amounts of alcohol
and sharing a few personal thoughts with his buddies. Don’t feel left
out – while he’s gone you can busy yourself by doing his laundry,
cleaning his apartment, or perhaps even going out to buy him an
expensive gift. He’ll come back when he’s ready.

Q: What is “afterplay”?

A: After a man has finished making love, he needs to replenish his manly
energy. “Afterplay” is simply a list of important activities for you to
do after the lovemaking. This includes lighting his cigarette, making
him a sandwich or pizza, bringing him a few beers, or leaving him alone
to sleep while you go out and buy him an expensive gift.

Q: Does the size of the penis matter?

A: Yes. Although many virgins believe that quality, not quantity, is
important, studies show this is simply not true. The average erect male
penis measures about six centimeters. Anything longer than that is
extremely rare and, if by some chance your lover’s sexual organ is seven
centimeters or over, you should go down on your knees and thank you
lucky stars and do everything possible to please him, such as doing his
laundry, cleaning his apartment and buying him an expensive gift.

Q: What about the orgasm?

A: What about it? There’s no such thing. It’s a myth.

Q: Are you sure?

A: Will you stop asking so many questions? Do you distrust experienced
men or something? Instead, prove how much you care for your boyfriend by
going out and buying him an expensive gift.

Share on Facebook!    Share on Twitter!    Share on Reddit!    Share on Stumbleupon!    Share on LinkedIn!    Share on Google!    Share with friends


© 2015 ijokedb.com