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1. The only place in North America to get bombed in the war… by a moron who set a munitions ship on fire
2. Your province is shaped like male genitalia
3. Everyone is a fiddle player
4. If someone asks if you’re a Newfie, you are allowed to kick their ass
5. The local hero is an insane, fiddle playing, sexual pervert
6. The province that produced Rita MacNeil, the world’s largest land mammal
7. You are the reason Anne Murray makes money
8. You can pretend you have Scottish heritage as an excuse to wear a kilt
9. The economy is based on fish, lobster, and fiddle music
10. Even though it smells like dead sea animals, Halifax is considered Canada’s most beautiful city

People can be divided into three groups: Those who make things happen, those who watch things happen, and those who wonder what happened.

A man and his wife were driving their RV across the country and were nearing a town spelled Kissimee. They noted the strange spelling and tried to figure how to pronounce it – KISS-a-me; kis-A-me; kis-a-ME. They grew more perplexed as they drove into the town.
Since they were hungry, they pulled into a place to get something to eat. At the counter, the man said to the waitress:
“My wife and I can’t seem to be able to figure out how to pronounce this place. Will you tell me where we are and say it very slowly so that I can understand.”
The waitress looked at him and said: “Buuurrrgerrr Kiiiinnnng.”

As an elderly lady sat on her front porch reflecting on her long life, a fairy godmother suddenly appeared and offered to fulfill three wishes for her.
“Well,” said the woman, “I guess I’d like to be rich.”
POOF!
The fairy godmother turned her rocking chair into solid gold.
“And I wouldn’t mind being a young and beautiful princess.”
POOF!
The fairy godmother turned the old woman into an exquisite young princess, with a priceless crown of jewels.
“Your third wish?” asked the fairy godmother.
The elderly woman’s dog raised his head and uttered a single, weak, hoarse “woof.”
“Could you possibly turn my wonderful dog into a handsome prince?”
POOF!
There, in front of the old woman, who has now turned into a beautiful princess, stood the most handsome young man any one had ever seen. More handsome than any one could possibly imagine. She stared at him in awe, completely smitten.
As he came toward her, her knees weakened. He bent down, brushing his lips across her ear as he whispered, “I’ll bet you’re sorry you had me neutered.”

There was a guy from Ohio and he went to Texas on a vacation. The first night on the town he stopped at a big restaurant. He sat down at a table and a waitress comes up to him and asked him for his order. He told her that he wanted a beer. She went to the back and came back a few minutes later with a two foot tall bottle of beer. He looked at it and said “Isn’t that a little big?” the waitress replied “Everything is big in Texas.”
So then she asked him want he would like to eat. He looked at the menu and said he wanted the grilled steak. She went to the back and came out thirty minutes later with his order. But by this time he had drunk half of the beer and was a little drunk. She put the steak on the table and he looked at it for a second. It took up half the table with some hanging off the sides of the plate. He looked at her and said “Isn’t that a little big?” she then replied “Everything is big in Texas.”
So he ate some of the steak and drank the rest of the beer. At this point he was really drunk. Then the waitress came near his table and he flagged her down. He then asked her where the bathroom was. She said “It’s to your right, three doors down on your left.”
So he stumbled to the hallway and went three doors down. But instead of turning left he turned right and went out on to a balcony and stepped off in to a pool. Then he looked up and started to wave his arms and yelled “Don’t flush!”



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