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“As you know, I don’t need to take any money from anybody. I have plenty of money myself. I will make the decisions for the people.”

A couple had been married for 35 years and was celebrating the husband’s 60th birthday.
During the party, a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would give them one wish each.
The wife said, “We’ve been so poor all these years, and I’ve never gotten to see the world. I wish we could travel all over the world.”
The fairy waved her wand and POOF! She had the tickets in her hand.
Next, it was the husband’s turn.
He paused for a moment, and then said, “Well, I’d like to be married to a woman 30 years younger than me.”
The fairy waved her wand and POOF! He was 90.

AP December 12, 1999 – The Energizer Bunny, known best for, “going and going and going…” passed away last evening at 12:42am.

Upon completion of the autopsy early this morning, the chief medical examiner ruled that the death was caused by acute cardiac arrest, induced by sexual over- stimulation.

Apparently, someone put the battery in backwards and the bunny kept coming and coming and coming…

Foul play has not been ruled out.

A man walking on the beach sees a bottle, picks it up, and a genie comes out, “I’ve been in there for 1000’s of years, I’ll grant you one wish”.
“Well” pauses the man, “I have always wanted to go to Hawaii, but could never afford the plane ticket, or the cruise, can you build a bridge?
“Man, quite the wish, I mean the concrete, the pave, the steel, you know what you are asking for, this is complicated. Would you have anything simpler in mind?
“I have always wanted to know how women think”, says the man, “why they react the way they do, why they do all that they do”.
“Will that be 2 lanes or 4 on the bridge?”

– You only know three spices – salt, pepper and ketchup.
– You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
– The mosquitoes have landing lights.
– You have more miles on your snowblower than your car.
– You have 10 favourite recipes for bottled moose.
– Canadian Tire on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas.
– You live in a house that has no front step, yet the door is one meter above the ground.
– You’ve taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.
– Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow.
– You think sexy lingerie is tube-socks and a flannel nightie with only 8 buttons.
– You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car.
– The local paper covers national and international headlines on 1/4 page, but requires 6 pages for local softball scores.
– At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant.
– The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun.
– Your snowblower gets stuck on the roof.
– You think the start of salmon fishing season is a national holiday.
– You frequently clean grease off your barbeque so the bears won’t prowl on your deck.
– You know which leaves make good toilet paper. v – You find -40C a little nippy.
– The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freeze.
– You can play road hockey on skates.
– You know 4 seasons – Winter, Still Winter, almost Winter and Construction.
– The municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus.
– You actually get these jokes and forward them to all your Newfie friends.

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