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A man was driving home one evening and realized that it was his daughter’s birthday and he hadn’t bought her a present. He drove to the mall and ran to the toy store and he asked the store manager “How much is that new Barbie in the window?”

The Manager replied, “Which one? We have ‘Barbie Goes to the Gym’ for $19.95 … ‘Barbie Goes to the Ball’ for $19.95 … ‘Barbie Goes Shopping’ for $19.95 … ‘Barbie Goes to the Beach’ for $19.95… ‘Barbie Goes to the Nightclub’ for $19.95 … and ‘Divorced Barbie’ for $375.00.”

“Why is the Divorced Barbie $375.00 when all the others are $19.95?” Dad asked surprised.

“Divorced Barbie comes with Ken’s car, Ken’s House, Ken’s boat, Ken’s dog, Ken’s cat and Ken’s furniture.”

A 55 year old man who was born on May 5, has been married 5 years, has 5 children, makes $55,555.55 a year, who’s lucky number is 5 receives a phone call from a friend.
The friend informs the man that a horse named Lucky 5 will be running in the fifth race at the local track that evening.
Excitedly, the man withdraws 5,555.00 cash from his bank account, goes to the races and bets on Lucky 5.
Sure enough the horse comes in fifth.

1. Everybody assumes you’re an asshole
2. Racism is socially acceptable
3. The only province to ever kidnap federal politicians
4. You can take bets with your friends on which English neighbor will move out next
5. Other provinces basically bribe you to stay in Canada
6. The FLQ
7. Your hockey team is made up entirely of dirty French guys
8. The province with the oldest, nastiest hookers
9. NON-smokers are the outcasts
10. You can blame all your problems on the “Anglo bastards”



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