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Bernard, who is noted for his gracious manners, was awakened one morning at four forty four a.m. by his ringing telephone…

“Your dog’s barking, and it’s keeping me awake,” said an angry voice.

Bernard thanked the caller and politely asked his name and number before hanging up.

The next morning at precisely four forty four a.m., Bernard called his neighbor back …

“Good morning, Mr. Williams… Just called to say that I don’t *have* a dog.”

A State Government Employee sits in his office and out of boredom, decides to see what’s in his old filing cabinet. He pokes through the contents and comes across an old brass lamp. “This will look nice on my mantelpiece,” he decides and takes it home with him.

While polishing the lamp, a genie appears and grants him three wishes. “I wish for an ice cold diet Pepsi right now!” He gets his Pepsi and drinks it. Now that he can think more clearly, he states his second wish. “I wish to be on an island where beautiful nymphomaniacs reside.” Suddenly he is on an island with gorgeous females eyeing him lustfully. He tells the genie his third and last wish: “I wish I’d never have to work ever again.”

POOF!

He’s back in his government office.

1. Weed
2. Vancouver: 1.5 million people and two bridges
3. The local hero is a pot-smoking snowboarder
4. The local wine doesn’t taste like malt vinegar
5. Your $400,000 Vancouver home is 5 hours from downtown
6. A university with a nude beach
7. You can throw a rock and hit three Starbucks locations
8. If a cop pulls you over, just offer them some of your hash
9. There’s always some sort of deforestation protest going on
10. Cannabis

You can name everyone you graduated with.

You know what 4-H is.

You ever went to parties at a pasture, barn, or in the middle of a dirt road.

You used to drag “main.”

You schedule parties around the schedule of different police officers, since you know which ones would bust you and which ones wouldn’t (same goes with the game warden)

You ever went cow-tipping or snipe hunting.

You could never buy cigarettes because all the store clerks knew how old you were (and if you were old enough they’d tell your parents anyhow).

When you did find someone old enough and brave enough to buy cigarettes, you still had to go out to the country and drive on back roads to smoke them.

You have ever gone home for Homecoming.

It was cool to date someone from the neighboring town.

You had senior skip day.

The whole school went to the same party after graduation.

You don’t give directions by street names or directions by references (turn by Nelson’s house, go two blocks past Anderson’s, and it’s four houses left of the track field).

You can’t help but date a friend’s ex-girlfriend (or boyfriend).

Your car stays filthy because of the dirt roads, and you will never own a dark vehicle for this reason.

You think kids that ride skateboards are weird.

The town next to you is considered “trashy” or “snooty”, but is actually just like your town.

You refer to anyone with a house newer than 1980 as the “rich people.”

The people in the city dress funny, then you pick-up on the trend two years later.

You bragged to your friends because you got pipes on your truck for your birthday.

Anyone you want can be found at either the Dairy Queen or the feed store.

You see at least one friend a week driving a tractor through town.

Football coaches suggest that you haul hay for the summer to get stronger.

Directions are given using “the” stop light as a reference.

Your letter jacket was worn after your 19th birthday.

You have ever taken a trailer or dog to school on a daily basis.

Weekend excitement involves a trip to a Wal-Mart.

Even the ugly people enter beauty pageants.

You decide to walk somewhere for exercise and 5 people pull over and ask if you need a ride.

Your teachers call you by your older siblings names.

Your teachers remember when they taught your parents.

You can charge at all the local stores.

The closest McDonald’s is 45 miles away… So is the closest mall.

It is normal to see an old man riding through town on a riding lawnmower.

You laugh your head off reading this because you know they’re all true and forward it to everyone who lives in your town!

A man and his wife were driving their RV across the country and were nearing a town spelled Kissimee. They noted the strange spelling and tried to figure how to pronounce it – KISS-a-me; kis-A-me; kis-a-ME. They grew more perplexed as they drove into the town.
Since they were hungry, they pulled into a place to get something to eat. At the counter, the man said to the waitress:
“My wife and I can’t seem to be able to figure out how to pronounce this place. Will you tell me where we are and say it very slowly so that I can understand.”
The waitress looked at him and said: “Buuurrrgerrr Kiiiinnnng.”



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