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One day a bear was chasing a rabbit through the forest when they tripped over a genies lamp.
the genie comes out and says “hold it, hold it, hold it. If you two will just quit chasing each other for three minutes I’ll give you both three wishes”.
So they say okay that sounds fair.
the genie says “okay who’ll go first?”
the bear pushes the rabbit out of the way and says “i’ll go first”
so the genie says “okay”.
the bear goes “i wish all the bears in the forest exept for me were girls”.
the genie snappes his fingers and says done.
the rabbit says “I wish I had a crash helmet”.
the bear goes well thats a dumb wish.
but the rabbit says “thats my wish”.
the genie snappes his fingers and says done.
the bear says “I wish every bear in the world exept me were girls”.
the genie goes thats a big wish “it’ll count as two wishes”.
the bear goes “o-okay i’ll do it”.
the rabbit has two wishes left so the rabbit says “i wish for a motor scooter”.
then he gets on the scooter puts on his crash helmet and as he’s driving away
he yells “i wish the bear was gay”.

A man walks into a bar with a paper bag. He sits down and places the bag on the counter. The bartender walks up and asks what’s in the bag. The man reaches into the bag and pulls out a little man, about one foot high and sets him on the counter. He reaches back into the bag and pulls out a small piano, setting it on the counter as well. He reaches into the bag once again and pulls out a tiny piano bench, which he places in front of the piano. The little man sits down at the piano and starts playing a beautiful piece by Mozart!
“Where on earth did you get that?” says the bartender.
The man responds by reaching into the paper bag. This time he pulls out a magic lamp. He hands it to the bartender and says: “Here. Rub it.”
So the bartender rubs the lamp, and suddenly there’s a gust of smoke and a beautiful genie is standing before him. “I will grant you one wish. Just one wish .. each person is only allowed one!”
The bartender gets real excited. Without hesitating he says, “I want a million bucks!” A few moments later, a duck walks into the bar. It is soon followed by another duck, then another. Pretty soon, the entire bar is filled with ducks and they keep coming! The bartender turns to the man and says, “Y’know, I think your genie’s a little deaf. I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks.”
“Tell me about it!” says the man, “do you really think I asked for a 12 inch pianist?”

There was a guy who just got out of a really bad divorce with his wife. One day, he found a genie’s lamp.
The genie came out and said, “Hello master. I will grant you three wishes but, what ever you wish for your wife gets double.”
The guy didn’t like that part but he made a wish anyway. For his first wish, he said, “Genie, I want a house in Hawaii.”
POOF!!! He got one house, his wife got two.
This didn’t make him happy but, he made his second wish.
“Genie,I want 2 billion dollars.”
POOF! He got two billion, his wife four billion.
By now, this guy isn’t very happy.
The genie says, “You have one wish left. I have to remind you, what ever you wish for your wife gets double.”
The guy says, “Yeah, yeah. I know.”
So the guy thinks real hard and says “I got it! Genie, beat me half to death!”

A couple decide to go golfing to the best golf course in their state. While playing, the husband tells his wife to be very careful, as there were many houses along the golf course. But the stupid wife swings her club and it breaks one of the glasses of the biggest house on the course.

So the husband and wife decided to go and apologize to the owner of the house. When they reached the house they found a glass bottle lying on the floor broken into hundreds of pieces. They found an old man sitting in his rocking chair and greeted the couple inside.

He said, “I am a genie and I would like to thank you for letting me free from this bottle, and I would like to grant you 2 wishes and the 3rd wish is mine.”

So the husband says “I want a private aircraft for myself.” The wife said she would like a house in every single country.

The genie says, “for the past 200 years he has never had sex and would like to have sex with the lady.”

The husband agrees and the genie takes the lady up and begins having sex.

Then he asks the lady “How old is your husband?”

she replies “47″

and the genie says “And he still believes in genies?”

“I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.”

Groucho Marx (1890-1977)



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