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1. You wake up one morning to find you suddenly have beachfront property
2. Amusing town names like “Flin Flon” and “Winnipeg”
3. All your local bands make it big and move to Toronto
4. The only province to ever violently rebel against the federal government
5. Hundreds of huge, horribly frigid lakes
6. Nothing compares to a wicked Winnipeg winter
7. You don’t need a car, just take the canoe to work
8. You can be an Easterner or a Westerner depending on your mood
9. Because of your license plate, you are still “friendly” even when you cut someone off
10.Pass the time watching trucks and barns float by

There was this man that took 2 nude pictures of himself.
The one picture was of the top half and the second picture was the bottom half of him.
So he decided to send the pictures through the mail, the top half to his mom and the bottom half to his girlfriend.
The letters got mixed up in the mail and the mother received the bottom half picture of her son.
She opened it and said “Thats my Son Big nose and lots of hair!”

Three guys were standing at the top of the Empire State Building in NYC. The first guy says to the second, “You know, the wind currents are so strong here in NYC that one could step off the edge of the building and literally float in mid-air due to the upward thrust of the thermal air current.”
“No way, man, you’re crazy,” said the second guy to the first. So the first guy steps off the edge of the building and justs floats in mid-air for about 20 seconds and then returns to the roof of the building.
The second guy is simply thrilled and says, “watch me do that” as he steps from the edge roof into the open air. Of course he falls like a stone straight down all the way to the waiting pavement below–SPLAT!
The third guy, who has remained quiet the entire time, leans over to the first guy and say, “You know something Superman, sometimes you can be a real asshole!”

Marriage is like a mousetrap. Those on the outside are trying to get in. Those on the inside are trying to get out.

Two guys, of limited intelligence, were on a ship that sank in the middle of the ocean. They manage to inflate a life raft and grab a box of provisions before their ship slips under the surface.

After floating under blazing heat for six days, they ran out of food and water. On the tenth day, bleary eyed and half dead from heat, thirst and starvation, they spotted a small object floating toward them in the water.

As it drew near, they were ecstatic to find that it was an old oil lamp. They grabbed the lamp and rubbed it. Out popped a tired old genie who said, “Okay, so you freed me from the stupid lamp, but hey, I’ve been doing this three-wishes thing for a while now and quite frankly, I’m burned out. You guys only get one wish and then I’m outta here, so make it a good one.”

Without thinking, the first guy blurted out, “Give us all the beer we can drink for the rest of our lives!”

“Fine,” said the genie, and he instantly turned the entire ocean to beer.

“Great move, Einstein,” said the second guy, slapping the first guy up the side of his head. “Now we’re gonna have to pee in the boat!”



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