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It was another Payday and I was tired of Mr. Goodbar. I saw Miss Hershey standing behind the Powerhouse on the corner of Clark and Fifth Avenue when I whipped out my Whopper and whispered, “hey Sweetheart, how’d you like to Krunch on my big hunk for a Million Dollar Bar?” Well, she immediately went down on my Tootsie Roll, and it was like Pure Almond Joy! I couldn’t help but grab her delicious Mounds because it was easy to see that this little Twix had the Red Hots. It was all I could do to hold the Snicker and Crackle as my Butterfinger went up her tight little Kit Kat and she started to scream “Oh Henry, Oh Henry!” Soon she was fondling my Peter Pan and ZagNut and I knew it wouldn’t be long before I blew my Milk Duds clear to Mars that gave her a taste of the old Milky Way. She asked me if I was into M&M, but I said, “Hey Chicklet, no kinky stuff.” I said “Look you little Reese’s Pieces, don’t be a Zero, be a Lifesaver. Why don’t you take my Whatchamacallit and slip it up your Bit ‘O’ Honey?” (What a piece of Juicy Fruit she was, too!) She screamed, “Oh Crackerjack, you’re better than the Three Musketeers!” as I rammed my Ding Dong up her Rocky Road and into her Peanut Butter Cup. Well, I was giving it to her Good ‘N’ Plenty, when all the sudden… my Starburst! Yeah, as luck would have it, she started to grow Chunky and complained of a Wrigley in her stomach. Sure enough, nine months later, out popped… Baby Ruth!

A 55 year old man who was born on May 5, has been married 5 years, has 5 children, makes $55,555.55 a year, who’s lucky number is 5 receives a phone call from a friend.
The friend informs the man that a horse named Lucky 5 will be running in the fifth race at the local track that evening.
Excitedly, the man withdraws 5,555.00 cash from his bank account, goes to the races and bets on Lucky 5.
Sure enough the horse comes in fifth.

A State Government Employee sits in his office and out of boredom, decides to see what’s in his old filing cabinet. He pokes through the contents and comes across an old brass lamp. “This will look nice on my mantelpiece,” he decides and takes it home with him.

While polishing the lamp, a genie appears and grants him three wishes. “I wish for an ice cold diet Pepsi right now!” He gets his Pepsi and drinks it. Now that he can think more clearly, he states his second wish. “I wish to be on an island where beautiful nymphomaniacs reside.” Suddenly he is on an island with gorgeous females eyeing him lustfully. He tells the genie his third and last wish: “I wish I’d never have to work ever again.”

POOF!

He’s back in his government office.

“To those critics who are so pessimistic about our economy, I say, Don’t be economic girlie men!”

- at the Republican convention

1. Even though more people live on Vancouver Island, you still got the big-ass bridge
2. You can walk across the province in half an hour
3. You were probably once an extra on “Road to Avonlea”
4. This is where all those tiny red potatoes come from
5. The economy is based on fish, potatoes, and CBC TV shows
6. Tourists arrive, see the “Anne of Green Gables” house, then promptly leave
7. You can drive across the the province in two minutes
8. It doesn’t matter to you if Quebec separates
9. You don’t share a border with the Americans, or with anyone for that matter
10. You can confuse ships by turning your porch lights on and off at night



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