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A State Government Employee sits in his office and out of boredom, decides to see what’s in his old filing cabinet. He pokes through the contents and comes across an old brass lamp. “This will look nice on my mantelpiece,” he decides and takes it home with him.

While polishing the lamp, a genie appears and grants him three wishes. “I wish for an ice cold diet Pepsi right now!” He gets his Pepsi and drinks it. Now that he can think more clearly, he states his second wish. “I wish to be on an island where beautiful nymphomaniacs reside.” Suddenly he is on an island with gorgeous females eyeing him lustfully. He tells the genie his third and last wish: “I wish I’d never have to work ever again.”

POOF!

He’s back in his government office.

A woman was walking along the beach when she stumbled upon a Genie’s lamp. She picked it up and rubbed it, and lo-and-behold a Genie appeared. The amazed woman asked if she got three wishes.
The Genie said, “Nope…due to inflation, constant down-sizing, low wages in third-world countries, and fierce global competition, I can only grant you one wish. So…what’ll it be?”
The woman didn’t hesitate. She said, “I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other.”
The Genie looked at the map and exclaimed, “Gadzooks, lady! These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I’m good but not THAT good! I don’t think it can be done. Make another wish.”
“The woman thought for a minute and said, “Well, I’ve never been able to find the right man. You know, one that’s considerate and fun, likes to cook and helps with the housecleaning, is good in bed and gets along with my family, doesn’t watch sports all the time and is faithful. That’s what I wish for … a good mate.”
The Genie let out a long sigh and said, “Let me see that map again.”

A man walks into a bar with a paper bag. He sits down and places the bag on the counter. The bartender walks up and asks what’s in the bag. The man reaches into the bag and pulls out a little man, about one foot high and sets him on the counter. He reaches back into the bag and pulls out a small piano, setting it on the counter as well. He reaches into the bag once again and pulls out a tiny piano bench, which he places in front of the piano. The little man sits down at the piano and starts playing a beautiful piece by Mozart!
“Where on earth did you get that?” says the bartender.
The man responds by reaching into the paper bag. This time he pulls out a magic lamp. He hands it to the bartender and says: “Here. Rub it.”
So the bartender rubs the lamp, and suddenly there’s a gust of smoke and a beautiful genie is standing before him. “I will grant you one wish. Just one wish .. each person is only allowed one!”
The bartender gets real excited. Without hesitating he says, “I want a million bucks!” A few moments later, a duck walks into the bar. It is soon followed by another duck, then another. Pretty soon, the entire bar is filled with ducks and they keep coming! The bartender turns to the man and says, “Y’know, I think your genie’s a little deaf. I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks.”
“Tell me about it!” says the man, “do you really think I asked for a 12 inch pianist?”

A couple had been married for 35 years and was celebrating the husband’s 60th birthday.
During the party, a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would give them one wish each.
The wife said, “We’ve been so poor all these years, and I’ve never gotten to see the world. I wish we could travel all over the world.”
The fairy waved her wand and POOF! She had the tickets in her hand.
Next, it was the husband’s turn.
He paused for a moment, and then said, “Well, I’d like to be married to a woman 30 years younger than me.”
The fairy waved her wand and POOF! He was 90.

A man walking on the beach sees a bottle, picks it up, and a genie comes out, “I’ve been in there for 1000′s of years, I’ll grant you one wish”.
“Well” pauses the man, “I have always wanted to go to Hawaii, but could never afford the plane ticket, or the cruise, can you build a bridge?
“Man, quite the wish, I mean the concrete, the pave, the steel, you know what you are asking for, this is complicated. Would you have anything simpler in mind?
“I have always wanted to know how women think”, says the man, “why they react the way they do, why they do all that they do”.
“Will that be 2 lanes or 4 on the bridge?”



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