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Three guys, a Tarheel, a Blue Devil and an NC State Wolfpack are out walking along the beach together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it.

“I will give you each one wish; that’s three wishes total,” says the Genie.

The Wolfpack says, “I am studying to be a farmer; my dad was a farmer and my son will also farm. I want the land in the Piedmont to forever be fertile.”

With a blink of the Genie’s eye, –POOF– the land in the Piedmont was made forever fertile.

The Tarheel was amazed, so he said, “I want a wall around Chapel Hill, so that no one can come into our precious city.”

Again, with a blink of the Genie’s eye, –POOF– there was a huge wall around Chapel Hill.

The Blue Devil says, “I’m very curious. Please tell me more about this wall.”

The Genie explains, “Well, it’s about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick and nothing can get in or out.”

The Blue Devil says, “Fill it up with water.”

How To Tell Where A Driver Is From!

1. One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: CHICAGO

2. One hand on wheel, one finger out window: NEW YORK

3. One hand on wheel, one finger out window, cutting across all lanes of traffic: NEW JERSEY

4. One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator: BOSTON

5. One hand on wheel, one hand on nonfat double decaf cappuccino, cradling cell phone, brick on accelerator, gun in lap: LOS ANGELES

6. Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror: OHIO, but driving in CALIFORNIA

7. Waving at everyone that you pass, eating a moon pie, sipping an RC, smiling and chewing and talking to yourself. TENNESSEE

8. One hand on 12 oz. Double shot latte, one knee on wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on brake, mind on radio game, banging head on steering wheel while stuck in traffic: SEATTLE

9. One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle, alternating between both feet being on the accelerator and both feet on brake, throwing McDonald’s bag out the window: TEXAS

10. Four-wheel drive pick-up truck, shotgun mounted in rear window, beer cans on floor, squirrel tails attached to antenna: ALABAMA

11. Two hands gripping wheel, blue hair barely visible above windshield, driving 35 on the Interstate in the left lane with the left blinker on: FLORIDA

12. Knee up against steering wheel, one hand on Tim Horton’s coffee cup, cell phone in ear, accelerator to the floor, applying makeup/doing crossword puzzle/reading morning Free Press, knocking down orange barrels, changing lanes without turn signals: MICHIGAN

One day a man spotted a lamp by the roadside. He picked it up, rubbed it vigorously, and a genie appeared.
“I’ll grant you your fondest wish,” the genie said.
The man thought for a moment, then said, “I want a spectacular job. A job that no man has ever succeeded at or has ever even dared try.”
“Poof!” said the genie. “You’re a housewife.”

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at a craps table.
A very attractive redhead comes in and wants to bet twenty-thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.
She says, “I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I’m bottomless.”
With that she strips naked from the waist down, and rolls the dice while yelling, “Momma needs a new pair of pants!”
She then begins jumping up and down and hugging each of the dealers. “YES! I WIN! I WIN!”
With that she picks up her money and clothes and quickly leaves. The dealers just stare at each other dumbfounded.
Finally one of them asks, “What did she roll anyway?”
The other answers, “I thought YOU were watching!”

Knock-knock
Who’s there?
Hutch
Hutch who?
God bless you!

Knock-knock
Who’s there?
Ben
Ben who?
Ben waiting, what took you so long?

Knock-nock
Who’s there?
Lettuce
Lettuce who?
Lettuce in, it’s cold out here!

Knock-knock
Who’s there?
Little old lady
Little old lady who?
I didn’t know you could yodel!

Knock-knock
Who’s there?
Atch
Atch who?
Bless you!

Knock-knock
Who’s there?
Dishes
Dishes who?
Dishes the stupidest knock-knock joke ever!

Knock-knock
Who’s there?
Doris
Doris who?
Doris closed, that’s why I’m knocking.

Knock-knock
Who’s there?
Acid
Acid who?
Acid sit down and be quiet!

Knock-knock
Who’s there?
Ada
Ada who?
Ada burger for lunch.

Knock-knock
Who’s there?
Adair
Adair who?
Adair once but I’m bald now!

Knock-knock
Who’s there?
Adolf
Adolf who?
Adolf ball hit me in the mouth!

Knock-knock
Who’s there?
Alaska
Alaska who?
Alaska my friend the question then!

Knock-knock
Who’s there?
Aida
Aida who?
Aida lot of sweets and now I’ve got tummy ache!

Knock-knock
Who’s there?
Aladdin
Aladdin who?
Aladdin the street wants a word with you.

Knock-knock
Who’s there?
Alba
Alba who?
Alba in the kitchen if you need me.

Knock-knock
Who’s there?
Alec
Alec who?
Alec-tricity. Isn’t that a shock?!

Knock-knock
Who’s there?
Alexia
Alexia who?
Alexia again to open this door!

Knock-knock
Who’s there?
Alfalfa
Alfalfa who?
Alfalfa you, if you give me a kiss!

Knock-knock
Who’s there?
Alfie
Alfie who?
Alfie terrible if you leave!

Knock-knock
Who’s there?
Alfred
Alfred who?
Alfred the needle if you sew!

Knock-knock
Who’s there?
Allied
Allied who?
Allied, so sue me!

Knock-knock
Who’s there?
Alma
Alma who?
Alma-ny knock-knock jokes can you take?!

Knock-knock
Who’s there?
Amana
Amana who?
Amana bad mood!

Knock-knock
Who’s there?
Ammonia
Ammonia who?
Ammonia little kid!

Knock-knock
Who’s there?
Amory
Amory who?
Amory Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Knock-knock
Who’s there?
Amy
Amy who?
Amy fraid I’ve forgotten!

Knock-knock
Who’s there?
Annetta
Annetta who?
Annetta wisecrack and you’re out of here!

Knock-knock
Who’s there?
Augusta
Augusta who?
Augusta go home now!

Knock-knock
Who’s there?
Boo!
Boo who?
Don’t cry, it’s only a joke!

Knock-knock
Who’s there?
Button
Button who?
Button in is not polite!

Knock-knock
Who’s there?
Carl
Carl who?
Carl get you there quicker than if you walk!

Knock-knock
Who’s there?
Cash
Cash who?
I knew you were nuts!

Knock-knock
Who’s there?
Cassie
Cassie who?
Cassie the forest for the trees!

Knock Knock
Who’s there !
Celeste !
Celeste who ?
Celeste time I’m going to tell you this !

Knock-knock
Who’s there?
Cereal
Cereal who?
Cereal pleasure to meet you!

Knock-knock
Who’s there?
Colleen
Colleen who?
Colleen up this mess!

Knock-knock
Who’s there?
Cologne
Cologne who?
Cologne me names won’t help!

Knock-knock
Who’s there?
Cozy
Cozy who?
Cozy who’s knocking!

Knock-knock
Who’s there?
Collier
Collier who?
Collier big brother see if I care!

Knock-knock
Who’s there?
Congo
Congo who?
Congo out, I’m grounded!

Knock-knock
Who’s There?
Impatient cow
Impatient c—MOO!!!

Knock-knock
Who’s there?
Lettuce
Lettuce who?
Lettuce pray!!!

Knock-knock
Who’s there?
Oops, wrong door!

Knock-knock
Who’s there?
I
I who?
I am!!!!!

Knock-knock!
Who’s there?
Madame
Madame who?
Madame foot will be up your butt if you don’t open this door!



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