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You Might Be A Redneck If… (9)
Published: 2 months ago     submited by
Related: Lists (+737), Redneck (+1460)     
         

You bring your dog to work with you.
You bum a dip from your mother.
You bum a pinch of chew from your girlfriend.
You bum a smoke from your third grade kid.
You burn your front yard rather than mow it.
You burn your lawn instead of mowing it.
You burn your yard rather than mow it.
You buy a padded headboard to practice safe sex.
You buy a police scanner to keep up with your relatives.
You buy something you already have.
You buy the lot next to your house because you need the room for all your “stuff” (cars, trucks building materials).
You buy two CB radios so you can talk to yourself.
You buy your china as a grocery store special every week.
You buy your jewelry at the hardware store.
You buy your wife camouflage lingerie.
You buy your wife tube socks at the flea market.
You call a chicken a yard bird.
You call fast food hitting a deer at 60mph.
You call toilet paper a leaf and a toilet a bucket.
You call your boss “Buddy”, on a regular basis.
You call your boss “dude”.
You call your wife “ma” and want her to call you “pa.”
You can amuse yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.
You can belch and say your name at the same time.
You can burp and say your name at the same time, you’re shur’nuff a redneck.
You can burp the entire chorus of “Jingle Bells”.
You can change the oil in your truck without ducking your head.
You can chew your own toenails.
You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok… without using the word “chicken”.
You can eat an ear of corn and spell “Home Sweet Home” on it.
You can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.
You can fart the first six notes of the Star Spangled Banner.
You can feed a family of five on ONE McDonald’s Extra Value Meal.
You can French kiss with a toothpick in your mouth.
You can get dog hair from out of your belly button.
You can give a summary of all the “Dukes of Hazzard” episodes.
You can grunt like a deer and you are proud of it.
You can hit a bullseye from up to 50 yards away, but still have trouble with your ABC’s.
You can identify your friends by the sound of their mufflers.
You can name all the characters from the “Dukes of Hazzard”.
You can recite your vowels in one burp.
You can remember every NASCAR driver and their car number but can’t remember how old your children are.
You can remember the entire NASCAR series schedule but can’t remember your wife’s birthday, kids birthday, or anniversary.
You can remember the fertilizer rate, seed population, herbicide rate and yields on a farm you rented 10 years ago, but cannot recall your wife’s birthday.
You can see all your family members when you’re in your own bed.
You can smash a beer can on your imaginary friend’s forehead, and it works.
You can spit tobacco juice through the holes in your truck’s floorboard.

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