Joke's Database
     
Have fun searching 100254 jokes and pictures!


1. “I got your community service right here pal!”

2. “Boy your chamber sure does look different with the lights on.”

3. “You couldn’t carry Wapner’s gavel you moron!”

4. “You’re not as easy to buy as others said you were.”

5. “No you robe wearing geek.”

6. “I don’t suppose there’s a “You get me off, I get you off” type of deal out there?”

7. “Just out of curiousity, are you wearing pants?”

1. Inspector Gadget

2. Chief Wiggum from the Simpsons

3. Captain America On Line

4. The Wonder Barbi Twins

5. The Silver Surfer

6. The XXX Men(they handle strictly cyber porn)

7. Up in the sky, wearing glasses, a big letter E on his chest and a “Nets”cape, its Bill Gates as GEEKMAN!!!

8. DBase Ventura

9. Fred, Daphne, Velma, Shaggy and Scooby with the Mystery Machine( Jinkies, there goes another hacker!!)

10. Who else knows the web better than Spiderman???

1. A few crumbs short of a crouton.

2. A few clowns short of a circus.

3. A few fries short of a Happy Meal.

4. An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.

5. A few beers short of a six-pack.

6. A few peas short of a casserole.

7. The wheel’s spinning, but the hamster’s dead.

8. One Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl.

9. One taco short of a combination plate.

10. A few feathers short of a whole duck

11. All foam, no beer.

12. Body by Fisher, brains by Mattel.

13. Couldn’t pour water out of a boot with instruc- tions on the heel.

14. He fell out of the Stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.

15. An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.

16. As smart as bait.

17. Chimney’s clogged.

18. Doesn’t have all his dogs on one leash.

19. Elevator doesn’t go all th eway to the top floor.

20. Forgot to pay her brain bill.

21. Her sewing machine’s out of thread.

22. If she had another brain, it would be lonely.

23. Missing a few buttons on his remote control.

24. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

25. Has the intelligence of a Carrot.

1. Do you select your friends based on how well your cats like them?

2. Does your desire to collect cats intensify during times of stress?

3. Do you buy more than 50 pounds of cat litter a month?

4. Do you scoop out the litter box after each use? Do you wait at the box with the scoop in your hand?

5. Do you think it’s cute when your cat swings on the drapes or licks the butter?

6. Do you admit to non-cat owners how many cats you really have?

7. Do you sleep in the same position all night because it annoys your cats when you move?

8. Do you kiss your cat on the lips?

9. Do you feed your cat tidbits from the table with your spoon?

10. Does your cat sit at the table (or ON the table) when you eat?

11. Does your cat sleep on your head? Do you like it?

12. Do you have more than four opened but rejected cans of cat food in the refrigerator?

13. Do you watch bad TV because the cat is sleeping on the remote?

14. Did you buy a video tape of fish swimming in an aquarium to entertain your cat?

15. Will you stand at the open door indefinitely in the freezing rain while your cat sniffs the door, deciding whether to go out or come in?

16. Would you rather spend a night at home with your cat than go out on a bad date?

17. Do you give your cat presents and a stocking at Christmas? Do you spend more for your cat than you do for your spouse?

18. Do the Christmas cards you send out feature your cat sitting on Santa’s lap? Does your cat sign the card?

19. Do you put off making the bed until the cat gets up?

20. Does your cat eat out of cut crystal stemware because you both watched the same commercial on television?

21. Do you microwave your cat’s food? Prepare it from scratch?

22. Do you climb out of bed over the headboard or foot board, so you won’t disturb the sleeping cat?

23. When you are preparing to leave for the day, do you seek out each cat and inform them of your anticipated return time?

24. Do you sleep with no pillow under your head, because the cat wants to sleep on it?

25. Do you stand at the computer because the cat is sleeping on the chair?

26. Do you you make sure there’s plenty of kitty litter in the house, even though you may run out of toilet paper?

27. At the store, do you pick out the cat food before you pick out anything for yourself?

28. Do you go to sleep sitting up in bed because you were reading and the cat is curled up on your lap asleep?

29. Does it always take you longer than expected to read a magazine, because the cat keeps curling up on it while you’re reading?

30. Do you frequently leave your dresser drawer open when you leave for the day, because the cat jumped into one of them and is asleep in one of the drawers?

31. Is the only comb you can find in the bathroom a flea comb?

32. Do you cook a special turkey for your cat on holidays?

33. Does your cat “insist” on a fancy Sunday breakfast consisting of an omelet made from eggs, milk, and salmon, halibut, or trout?

34. Do you have pictures of your cat in your wallet? Do you bring them out when your friends share pictures of their children? (Pollsters claim that 40 percent of cat owners carry their pet’s pictures in their wallets, by the way)

35. When people call to talk to you on the phone, do you insist that they say a few words to your cat as well?

36. Do you accept dates only with those who have a cat? If so, do you eventually double-date with the cats to see how they get along?

37. When someone new comes to your house, do you introduce your cat, by name, to them?

38. Do you keep old, empty pizza boxes on the counter instead of throwing them away, because the cat likes to sleep in it?

12 – Step Internet Recovery Program:

1) I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read my newspaper like I used to, before the Internet.

2) I will eat breakfast with a knife and fork and not with one hand typing.

3) I will get dressed before noon.

4) I will make an attempt to clean the house, wash clothes, and plan dinner before even thinking of the Internet.

5) I will sit down and write a letter to those unfortunate few friends and family that are Internet – deprived.

6) I will call someone on the phone who I cannot contact via the Internet.

7) I will read a book…if I still remember how.

8) I will listen to those around me and their needs and stop telling them to turn the TV down so I can hear the music on the Internet.

9) I will not be tempted during TV commercials to check for email.

10) I will try and get out of the house at least once a week, if it is necessary or not.

11) I will remember that my bank is not forgiving if I forget to balance my checkbook because I was too busy on the Internet.

12) Last, but not least, I will remember that I must go to bed sometime … and the Internet will always be there tomorrow!



© 2015 ijokedb.com