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This is what should happen to ALL CATS..!

1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.
2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water and have both lids up.
3. Find the cat and soothe him while you carry him toward the bathroom.
4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. (You may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape.) The cat will self- agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from your toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.

CAUTION: Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge, as his claws will be reaching out for anything they can find.

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a Power “Wash” and “Rinse”, which I have found to be quite effective.
6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.
7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.
8. The now- clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside where he will dry himself.

Sincerely,
THE DOG

1. Chicken McBobbitts

2. Salmon McNella

3. Tom & Roseanne “Together Forever” Value Meal

4. Shirley McLean Burger

5. McMenudo

6. Filet o’ Gefilte Fish

7. Way Too Happy Meal

8. Lion King Hairball Happy Meal

9. Them Ain’t Nuggets!

10. McKitty Sandwich

11. Boutrous Boutrous Burger

12. Rocky Mountain McOysters

13. McSpleen

14. The Depressed Meal

15. Filet O’ Flesh

16. McShrooms

17. Bob Barker’s Happy Pants Meal

18. McTonya Club Sandwich

19. Grumpy Meal, Dopey Meal, and Sneezy Meal

1. There is one word in the English language that is always pronounced incorrectly. What is it?
2. A man gave one son 10 cents and another son was given 15 cents. What time is it?
3. A boat has a ladder that has six rungs, each rung is one foot apart. The bottom rung is one foot from the water. The tide rises at 12 inches every 15 minutes. High tide peaks in one hour. When the tide is at its highest, how many rungs are under water?
4. There is a house with four walls. Each wall faces south. There is a window in each wall. A bear walks by one of the windows. What color is the bear?
5. Is half of two plus two equal to two or three?
6. There is a room. The shutters are blowing in. There is broken glass on the floor. There is water on the floor. You find Sloppy dead on the floor. Who is Sloppy? How did Sloppy die?
7. How much dirt would be in a hole 6 feet deep and 6 feet wide that has been dug with a square edged shovel?
8. If I were in Hawaii and dropped a bowling ball in a bucket of water which is 45 deg. F, and dropped another ball of the same weight, mass, and size in a bucket at 30 deg. F, both of them at the same time, which ball would hit the bottom of the bucket first? Same question, but the location is in Canada?
9. What is the significance of the following: The year is 1978, thirty-four minutes past noon on May 6th.
10. What can go up a chimney down, but can’t go down a chimney up? (hint… chim chimminy)
11. If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks in the other field, how many haystacks would he have if he combined them all in the center field?
12. What is it that goes up and goes down but does not move?

Answers To Brain Teasers

1. The word “incorrectly.” (Almost cracked your brain, didn’t you?)
2. 1:45. The man gave away a total of 25 cents. He divided it between two people. Therefore, he gave a quarter to two.
3. None, the boat rises with the tide. Duh.
4. White. If all the walls face south, the house is at the North pole, and the bear, therefore, is a polar bear.
5. Three. Well, it seems that it could almost be either, but if you follow the mathematical orders of operation, division is performed before addition. So… half of two is one. Then add two, and the answer is three.
6. Sloppy is a goldfish. The wind blew the shutters in, which knocked his goldfish-bowl off the table, and it broke, killing him. (Poor Sloppy.)
7. None. No matter how big a hole is, it’s still a hole: the absence of dirt. (And those of you who said 36 cubic feet are wrong for another reason, too. You would have needed the length measurement too. So you don’t even know how much air is in the hole.)
8. Both questions, same answer: the ball in the bucket of 45 deg. F water hits the bottom of the bucket last. Did you think that the water in the 30 deg. F bucket is frozen? Think again. The question said nothing about that bucket having anything in it. Therefore, there is no water (or ice) to slow the ball down.
9. The time and month/date/year American style calendar are 12:34, 5/6/78.
10. An umbrella.
11. One. If he combines all of his haystacks, they all become one big stack.
12. The temperature.

1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.

2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.

3. And don’t start a sentence with a conjunction.

4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.

5. Avoid clich

1. “He can’t come to the phone right now..he’s on the ledge.”

2. “He won’t be in today…he was made an offer and he refused.”

3. “He left the building and not via the elevator..if you catch my drift.”

4. “I’m sorry, sir..she’s not in…she’s out digging up your can as we speak.”

5. There’s a sign on her desk that says “Next Broker Please.”

6. “He’s on another line with his Mommy..would you care to hold?”

7. “No sir, that wasn’t him streaking through the Stock Exchange”

8. “He’s meeting with the SEC as we speak.”

9. “I’m sorry, ma’am but that was him being led from the Stock Exchange naked except for the sale tickets stuck to his body via maple syrup.”

10. “Yes sir, that is him in the White Bronco leading the cops down the freeway.”



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