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The sentence “The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog.” uses every letter in the alphabet. (Developed by Western Union to Test telex/twx communications)

In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere.

Average life span of a major league baseball: 7 pitches.

A duck’s quack doesn’t echo, and no one knows why.

The only 15-letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is “uncopyrightable.”

Did you know that there are coffee flavored PEZ?

The reason firehouses have circular stairways is from the days of yore when the engines were pulled by horses. The horses were stabled on the ground floor and figured out how to walk up straight staircases.

The airplane Buddy Holly died in was the “American Pie.” (Thus the name of the Don McLean song.)

Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history. Spades – King David; Clubs – Alexander the Great; Hearts – Charlemagne; and Diamonds – Julius Caesar.

111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

Clans of long ago that wanted to get rid of their unwanted people without killing them used to burn their houses down – hence the expression “to get fired.”

Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn’t added until 5 years later.

The term “the whole 9 yards” came from WWII fighter pilots in the Pacific. When arming their airplanes on the ground, the .50 caliber machine gun ammo belts measured exactly 27 feet, before being loaded into the fuselage. If the pilots fired all their ammo at a target, it got “the whole 9 yards.”

Hershey’s Kisses are called that because the machine that makes them looks like it’s kissing the conveyor belt.

The phrase “rule of thumb” is derived from an old English law which stated that you couldn’t beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.

An ostrich’s eye is bigger that it’s brain. The longest recorded flight of a chicken is thirteen seconds.

The Eisenhower interstate system requires that one mile in every five must be straight. These straight sections are usable as airstrips in times of war or other emergencies.

The name Jeep came from the abbreviation used in the army for the “General Purpose” vehicle, G.P.

The Pentagon, in Arlington, Virginia, has twice as many bathrooms as is necessary. When it was built in the 1940s, the state of Virginia still had segregation laws requiring separate toilet facilities for blacks and whites.

Cat’s urine glows under a blacklight.

The highest point in Pennsylvania is lower than the lowest point in Colorado.

Nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected intravenously.

If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, you have $1.19. You also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar.

No NFL team which plays its home games in a domed stadium has ever won a Superbowl.

The first toilet ever seen on television was on “Leave It To Beaver”.

The only two days of the year in which there are no professional sports games (MLB, NBA, NHL, or NFL) are the day before and the day after the Major League All-Star Game.

Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older.

The name Wendy was made up for the book “Peter Pan.”

In Cleveland, Ohio, it’s illegal to catch mice without a hunting license.

It takes 3,000 cows to supply the NFL with enough leather for a year’s supply of footballs.

Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.

Pound for pound, hamburgers cost more than new cars.

The 3 most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca-Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.

It’s possible to lead a cow upstairs…but not downstairs.

Humans are the only primates that don’t have pigment in the palms of their hands.

Ten percent of the Russian government’s income comes from the sale of vodka.

On average, 100 people choke to death on ballpoint pens every year.

In 10 minutes, a hurricane releases more energy than all the world’s nuclear weapons combined.

Reno, Nevada is west of Los Angeles, California.

Average age of top GM executives in 1994: 49.8 years. Average age of the Rolling Stones: 50.6.

Elephants can’t jump. Every other mammal can.

The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.

Five Jell-O flavors that flopped: celery, coffee, cola, apple, and chocolate.

1. Well, how ’bout that?…I’m lost! Looks like we’ll have to stop and ask for directions.

2. You know Pumpkin, now that you’re thirteen, you’ll be ready for unchaperoned car dates. Won’t that be fun?

3. Here’s a credit card and the keys to my new car-GO CRAZY.

4. What do you mean you wanna play football? Figure skating not good enough for you, son?

5. Your mother and I are going away for the weekend…you might want to consider throwing a party.

6. Well, I don’t know what’s wrong with your car. Probably one of those doo-hickey thingies-you know-that makes it run or something. Just have it towed to a mechanic and pay whatever he asks.

7. No son of mine is going to live under this roof without an earring now quit your belly-aching, and let’s go to the mall.

8. Whaddya wanna go and get a job for? I make plenty of money for you to spend.

9. Father’s Day? Aaahh-don’t worry about that-it’s no big deal.

* Take cold chicken and stars soup straight from the can and splash it across the carpet and the foot of the bed and then walk in it in the dark with your socks on.

* Set up a mouse trap at the foot of the bed each night so that if you move a toe one inch while you are sleeping, you are sure to get snapped.

* Cover all your best suits with cat hair. Dark suits must use white hair, and light suits must use dark hair. Also, float some hair in your first cup of coffee in the morning.

* Put everything cat- toy sized into a water bowl to marinate.

* Practice cutting your chicken into teeny tiny bites so that when they steal, it won’t be the whole breast.

* Tip over a basket of clean laundry, and scatter clothing all over the floor.

* Leave your underwear on the living room floor, because that’s where the cat will drag it anyway (especially when you have company).

* Jump out of your chair shortly before the end of your favorite TV program and run to the t.v. shouting “No! No! Don’t chew on the electric cord!” Miss the end of the program.

* Put chocolate pudding on the carpet in the corner of the living room in the morning and don’t try to clean it up until you return from work that evening.

* Gouge the surface of the dining room table several times with an exacto knife. It’s going to get scratched anyway.

* Practice searching every closet and open cabinet door before you shut it.

* Knock all small items off your kitchen counter.

* Chew the eraser off every pencil in the house.

* Take a fork and shred the roll of toliet paper while it’s still hanging up. Pull a few sheets off and scatter them around the bathroom.

* Take a staple remover and punch two holes in every scrap of paper around the house.

* Get a litter tray without a lid and mix in some tootsie rolls with cat litter and then tip it over right before the company comes. Make sure your guests get to find this before you do.

* Buy a mixed bag of cat toys and stuff them under the refrigerator. Practice getting up at 2AM and fishing them out with a ruler or broom stick.

* Take a warm cuddly blanket out of the dryer and immediately wrap it around yourself. This is the feeling you will get when your new cat falls asleep on your lap.

If a woman burns her thighs on the hot coffee she was holding in her lap while driving, she blames the restaurant.

If your teen-age son kills himself, you blame the rock ‘n’ roll music or musician he liked.

If you smoke three packs a day for 40 years and die of lung cancer, your family blames the tobacco company.

If your daughter gets pregnant by the football captain, you blame the school for poor sex education.

If your neighbor crashes into a tree while driving home drunk, you blame the bartender.

If your cousin gets AIDS because the needle he used to shoot up with heroin was dirty, you blame the government for not providing clean ones.

If your grandchildren are brats without manners, you blame television.

If your friend is shot by a deranged madman, you blame the gun manufacturer.

And if a crazed person breaks into the cockpit and tries to kill the pilots at 35,000 feet, and the passengers kill him instead, the mother of the deceased blames the airline.

I must have lived too long to understand the world as it is. So if I die while my old, wrinkled butt is parked in front of this computer, I want you to blame Bill Gates, okay?

Charlie Daniels is your commencement speaker.
Chiggers are included on your list of top 5 hygiene concerns.
City code enforcement officers use your property as a proving ground for new recruits.
Collect your old license plates and put them on top of the fireplace and call them trophies
Coons get into everyone else’s trash but yours.
Cruise control in your truck involves fishing line, a pulley and a hook.
Diners change tables when your family sits near them.
Dinner may or may not have tire tracks on it.
Directions to your house include “Turn off the paved road.”
Dogs hang around O. R. for scraps.
Dolly Parton reminds you of the “Grand Tetons”.
Double By-Pass Surgery is only done when it’s shown on The Learning Channel.
Down where you come from reruns of Hee Haw are called documentaries.
Dressing up is wearing the flannel shirt without any rips in it.
Duct tape and wire are the only two things holding your truck together.
During the wedding ceremony the minister said, “Do you, DeWayne, take Connie to be your old lady?”
During your senior year you and your mother had homeroom together.
Every electrical outlet in your house is a fire hazard.
Every magazine on your coffee table has a piece of toilet paper for a bookmark.
Every pair of jeans you own has a tobacco can ring worn in one of the rear pockets.
Every socket in your house breaks a fire code.
Every time you see a road sign that says “DIP” you reach in your back pocket.
Everyone in the house learns something from the potty training videotape.
Everything you won at the fair is hanging from your rearview mirror.
Exxon and Conoco have offered you royalties for your hair.
Fancy eating out (for you) involves drivin’ to the next window
Fewer than half of your cars run.
Fifth grade was the best six years of your life.
Fine dining is the Waffle House.
Flannel is your favorite color.
For your first anniversary you take your wife to dinner at the Wal-mart snack bar.
Foreplay consists of slipping off her saddle.
Friday night is “sneak into the drive-in night”.
Getting a package from your post office requires a full tank of gas in the truck.
Going to the bathroom at night involves shoes and a flashlight.
Going to the bathroom in the middle of the night involves putting on shoes and a jacket and grabbing a flashlight.
Going to the laundromat means cleaning out the back of the truck.
Grandma a new plug of tobacco.
Grass is growing in the floorboards of your car.

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