There once was a barmaid named Gale
On whose breasts was the menu for ale
But since she was kind
For the sake of the blind
On her ass it was printed in Braille.

There once was a fellow named Perkin
Who always was jerkin’ his gherkin
His mother said, “Perkin,
Stop jerkin’ your gherkin –
Your gherkin’s for ferkin’ not jerkin’.”

There was a young man from St. Paul’s
Who read Harper’s Bazaar and McCall’s
Till he grew such a passion
For feminine fashion
That he knitted a snood for his balls.

There was a young man from Pitlocherie,
making love to his girl in the rockery,
she said, “Look you’ve cum,
all over my bum,
This isn’t a shag it’s a mockery.”

There once was this girl from Sri Lanka,
A dusky-skinned maid named Bianca.
Each day she would sit
And play with her clit.
She was an incredible wanker!