There once was a girl from Mitchen
Who was scratching her twat in the kitchen.
Her mother said, “Rose,
you’ve got crabs I suppose.”
She said, “Yes and those fuckers are ‘itchin!”

Said the Abbot, “I’m not pleased one bit,
Brother Ambrose; that you should submit
Your signed IOU
In lieu of a ewe -
I just won’t accept that sheep chit.”

“For Christmas”, she said with a tingle
“I’d love a gift cunnilingual!”
‘Twas with joy and surprise
She found twixt her thighs
The tongue of jolly Kris Kringle!

There was a young Scotchman named Jock
Who had a most horrible shock:
He once took a shit
In a leaf-covered pit,
And the crap sprung a trap on his cock.

There was a young lady of Wheeling,
Who professed to a lack of sexual feeling.
But a cynic named Boris
Just touched her clitoris,
And she had to be scraped from the ceiling.