Joke's Database
     
Have fun searching 100253 jokes and pictures!


On a Trans-Atlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm.
The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it. Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. “I’m too young to die!” she wails.
Then she yells, “Well, if I’m going to die, I want my last minutes on Earth to be memorable! I’ve had plenty of relationships in my life, but no one has ever made me really feel like a woman! Well I’ve had it! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?”
For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril, and they all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.
Then, a man stands up in the rear of the plane. “I can make you feel like a woman,” he says.
He’s gorgeous. Tall, built, with flowing black hair and jet black eyes, he starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time. No one moves.
The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation as the strange man approaches. He removes his shirt.
Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her, and extends the arm holding his shirt to the trembling woman, and whispers:
“Iron this.”

The deal with guys is, as always, very simple and clear cut.

Domestic Beer: He’s poor and wants to get laid.

Good Beer: He likes good beer and wants to get laid.

Wine: He’s hoping that the wine thing will give him a sophisticated image to help him get laid.

Whiskey: He doesn’t give two shits about anything but getting laid.

Tequila: Piss off, all you wankers, I’m gonna go shag something.

White Zin: He’s gay.

One Sunday morning the pastor noticed little Johnny was standing staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. The young man of seven had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up and stood beside him and gazing up at the plaque he said quietly, “Good morning son.”

“Good morning pastor” replied the young man not taking his eyes off the plaque. “Sir, what is this?” Johnny asked.

“Well son, these are all the people who have died in the service,” replied the pastor. Soberly, they stood together staring up at the large plaque.

Little Johnny’s voice barely broke the silence when he asked quietly, “Which one sir, the 8:30 or the 10:30 service?”

Q: Do you know why single women can’t fart?
A: Because, they don’t get assholes untill they get married.

Stumpy and his wife Martha went to the State Fair every year. Every year Stumpy would say, “Martha, I’d like to ride in that airplane.” And every year Martha would say, “I know, Stumpy, but that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars.”
This one year Stumpy and Martha went to the fair and Stumpy said, “Martha, I’m 71 years old. If I don’t ride that airplane this year I may never get another chance.”
Martha replied, “Stumpy, that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars.”
The pilot overheard them and said, “Folks, I’ll make you a deal. I’ll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won’t charge you, but if you say one word it’s ten dollars.”
Stumpy and Martha agreed and up they go. The pilot does all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word is heard. He does all his tricks over again, but still not a word.
They land and the pilot turns to Stumpy, “By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn’t.”
Stumpy replied, “Well, I was gonna say something when Martha fell out, but ten dollars is ten dollars.”



© 2015 ijokedb.com