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Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie, whose dog had recently died.
“You know, it’s not your fault that the dog died. He’s probably up in heaven right now, having a grand old time with God.”
Susie, still crying, said “What would God want with a dead dog?”

A woman reported the disappearance of her husband to the police. The
officer looked at the guy’s photograph, questioned her, and then asked if
she wanted to give her husband any message if they found him.
“Yes, please” she replied. “Tell him Mother didn’t come after all.”

A small boy stunned his parents when he began to empty his pockets of nickels, dimes and quarters.
Finally his mother said, “Where did you get all that money?”
“At Sunday school,” the boy replied nonchalantly. “They have bowls of it.”

Q: How many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?
A: Ten, one to make the dough and nine to peel the smarties!

* Immediately go shopping for zucchini and cucumbers.

* Squat over a handheld mirror for an hour and a half.

* See if they could finally do splits.

* See if it’s truly possible to launch a ping pong ball 20 feet.

* Cross their legs without rearranging.

* Get picked up in a bar in less than 10 minutes . . . BEFORE closing time.

* Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more without sleeping first.

* Go to the gynecologist for a pelvic exam and ask to have it recorded on video.

* Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts, too.

* Finally find that damned G-spot.

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