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Q: How do you get a blonde to marry you?
A: Tell her she’s pregnant.

Air Force One crashed in the middle of rural America. Panic stricken, the Secret Service mobilized and descended on the farm in force. When they got there, the wreckage was clear. The aircraft was totally destroyed with only a burned hulk left smoldering in a tree line that bordered a farm.
Secret Service descended upon the smoking hulk but could find no remains of the crew or the President’s staff. To their amazement, a lone farmer was plowing a field not too far away as if nothing at all happened. They hurried over to surround the man’s tractor.
“Sir,” the senior Secret Service agent asked, panting and out of breath. “Did you see this terrible accident happen?”
“Yep. Sure did,” the man muttered unconcernedly.
“Do you realize that is the President of the United States’ airplane?”
“Yep.”
“Were there any survivors?” the agent gasped.
“Nope. They’s all kilt straight out,” the farmer signed cutting off his tractor motor. “I done buried them all myself. Took most of the morning.”
“The President of the United States is DEAD?” The agent gulped in disbelief.
“Well,” the farmer sighed, obviously wanting to get back to his work. “He kept a-saying he wasn’t, but you know what a liar he is.”

A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo, much like the brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. The slowest buffalo are the sick and weak so they die off first, making it possible for the herd to move at a faster pace. Like the buffalo, the weak, slow brain cells are the ones that are killed off by excessive beer drinking and socializing, making the brain operate faster.

The moral of the story: Drink more beer, it will make you smarter.

Q: Why did the soldier salute the tiger?
A: Because the tiger had more stripes.

A blond girl comes back from school one evening. She runs to her mum and says: “Mummy today at school we learnt how to count. Well, all the other girls only counted to 5, but listen to me: 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10! It’s good, innit?”

“Yes darling, very good.”

“Is that because I’m blond?”

“Yes darling, it’s because you’re blond.”

Next day, the little girl comes back from school and says: “Mummy, today at school we learnt the alphabet. All the other girls only went as far as D, but listen to me: A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K ! It’s good “innit?”

“Yes darling, very good.”
“Is that because I’m blond, mummy?”

“Yes darling it’s because you’re blond.

Next Day, she returns from school and cries: “Mummy, today we went swimming. Well, all the other girls have no breasts, but look at me!” She proceeds to flash her impressive 36 D’s at her mummy. “Is that because I’m blond, mummy?”

“No darling, it’s because you’re 25.”



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