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Q: What do you call a basement full of blondes?

A: A wine cellar.

A police officer arrives at an accident scene where apparently three blondes have leaped to their death from a very tall building. He suddenly notices that one is still breathing so he approaches her and asks, “Why the hell did you three beautiful girls leap out of that building?”

The blond answers in a very weak voice, “We wanted to try out our new maxi-pads, with wings…”

A guy walks into a bar and asks for three beers. The bartender puts them up and then watches the guy go through a peculiar ritual. “Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, happy birthday” Each time he says the word he drinks the beer. Then he pays and walks out.

One year later he enters the bar again and orders the same thing. The bartender watches him go through the same ritual. Curious, he asks the bloke why.

“Well” the guy says, “I have a friend in Ireland and a friend in Australia. We have our birthdays on the same day. We can’t be together so we have agreed that on this day we will each go into our local pub and have a round of drinks for each other. We have been doing this for 55 years since we were 18″

The next year the man comes in and asks the bartender for two beers. The bartender, a bit taken aback, places two beers in front of the guy and watches him say “happy birthday, happy birthday!” The bartender asks “so which one died?”

“No one.”

“But you only ordered two drinks!”

“Yeah, well, I’ve given up drinking.”

Two guys were in a bar watching the television when the news came on. It showed a guy on a bridge that was about to jump, obviously suicidal. “I’ll bet you $10 he’ll jump,” said the first guy.

“Bet you $10 he won’t,” replied the second. Then, the guy on the television closed his eyes and threw himself off the bridge. The second guy hands the first his money.

“I can’t take your money,” said the first guy. “I cheated you. The same story was on the five o’clock news.”

“No, no. Take it,” said the second guy. “I saw the five o’clock news too. I just didn’t think the guy was dumb enough to jump again!”

Q: What do you call a blonde standing on her head?
A: A brunette with bad breath!!



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