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A couple went on vacation to a resort up north. The husband liked to fish, and the wife liked to read. One morning the husband came back from fishing after getting up really early that morning and took a nap. While he slept, the wife decided to take the boat out.

She was not familiar with the lake, so she rowed out and anchored the boat, and started reading her book. Along comes the Game Warden in his boat, pulls up alongside the woman’s boat and asks her what she’s doing?

She says, “Reading my book.” The Game Warden tells her she is in a restricted fishing area and she explains that she’s not fishing.

To which he replied, “But you have all this equipment. I will have to take you in and write you up!”

Angry that the warden was being so unreasonable, the lady told the warden, “If you do that, I will charge you with rape.”

The warden, shocked by her statement, replied, “But I didn’t even touch you.”

To which the lady replied, “Yeah, but you have all the equipment!”

A little girl was diligently pounding away on her father’s word processor. She told him she was writing a story. “What’s it about?” he asked.
“I don’t know,” she replied. “I can’t read.”

Q: When do ghosts usually appear?
A: Just before someone screams.

* Challenge her to determine how many licks it takes to get to the center of a “Man-Pop.”

* “Just pretend I’m Dr. Ross from ‘E.R.’ and this is an organic tonsil swab.”

* Dress up like a giant milkshake and paint stripes on your penis to make it look like a straw.

* “Hey, you’re on a high-protein diet, right?”

* Tell him he’ll get those Omega-3 fatty oils that are so good for him.

* “No, Monica, it’s not sex at all. And it’s not even CLOSE to cheating.”

* “Honey, it’s a blow-JOB. You’re doing something good for the economy!”

* “Hey, taste this and tell me if you think it needs more protein.”

* Make her jealous by telling her your other sister does it better. (West Virginia only)

* “Quick, I got bit by a rattler!”

A man walks into a bar and has a couple of beers. Once he is donem the bartender tells him he owes $9.00.

“But I paid, don’t you remember?” says the customer.

“Okay,” says the bartender, “If you said you paid, you did.”

The man then goes outside and tells the first person he sees that the bartender can’t keep track of whether his customers have paid.

The second man then rushes in, orders a beer and later pulls the same stunt.

The barkeep replies, “If you say you paid, I’ll take your word for it.”

Soon the customer goes into the street, sees an old friend, and tells him how to get free drinks.

The man hurries into the bar and begins to drink high-balls when, suddenly, the bartender leans over sand says, “You know, a funny thing happened in here tonight. Two men were drinking beer, neither paid and both claimed that they did. The next guy who tries that is going to get punched right in the nose.”

“Don’t bother me with your troubles,” the final patron responds. “Just give me my change and I’ll be on my way.”

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