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Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Three; One to screw in the light bulb, and two to get another one.

Q: What’s the difference between Elvis and a smart blonde?
A: Elvis has been sighted.

I walked into a bar the other day and ordered a double.

The bartender brought out a guy who looked just like me.

Little Johnny was planning on getting lots of preasents for Christmas. He knew that god had a connection to the North Pole, and stood up and started to pray.
“God, I have been a child of perfection this year. I think I should get lots of presents… no that won’t work.”

He got on his knees.
“God, I haven’t been the best child since last December. I still deserve lots of preasents for my efforts… no that won’t work either!”

He laid face flat on the floor.
“God, I have been a complete devil this year. But I can change, I promise! No, theres no way he’ll beleive that!”

Johnny went to his last resort. He walked over to the model of the stable that Jesus was born in. Little Johnny reached in and pulled out the Virgin Mary. He went into his room, wrapped Mary in a sock, and placed her in his drawer.

“God, if you ever want to see your mother again…

* your spreader bar says “Smith & Wesson” down the side.

* your bondage rope has axle grease stains.

* you named your dog the same name as your submissive, so you could remember both of their names.

* your nipple clamps look suspiciously like the clamps for your jumper cables.

* you can’t suspend your sub from the ceiling because she weighs more than the load capacity for your trailer.

* your sub accidently screams out the names of your brothers Bubba, Billy, and Bobby before she remembers yours in a moment of passion.

* you use the hood of the El Camino on blocks in your front yard as a bondage table.

* you require you submissive to wipe the rim of your Budweiser bottle with her sleeve before she kisses it to serve you.

* you fix the squeaking headboard with duct tape.

* you can only give 10 swats at a time because you want to count the strokes and don’t want to take your work boots off.

* your submissive makes a dentist appointment and you’re afraid it might mean she is looking for a new dom.

* you decide to surprise your submissive with an extra special location for her collaring, so you take her to Graceland.

* you accidently get your submissive with your belt buckle during a whipping, and it leaves a Budweiser logo imprint on her ass.

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