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Sam met his friend Morris on the street. “Morris,” he said, “I haven’t seen you in years. You look terrible – what’s happened?”

“You won’t believe,” said Morris. I got married three times in the last three years and buried three wives!”

“How terrible, Morris, how tragic,” Sam said. “What happened?”

“Three years ago, I married this rich widow, and she died a month later after eating poison mushrooms. A year later, I met this wealthy divorcee, and she died a month after we married, again from poison mushrooms. Then last year, I married again, and a month later, she died.”

“Don’t tell me,” Sam said. “Poison mushrooms.”

“No, a fractured skull,” said Morris. “She wouldn’t eat the poison mushrooms.”

Q: How can you confuse a blonde?
A: Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner.

Q: How does a yuppie couple perform doggie-style sex?
A: He sits up and begs and she lies down and plays dead.

The train was travelling along when a beautiful young woman entered the compartment which was deserted except for a businessman reading his paper. The man peered over his paper and asked “Would you let me kiss you for fifty pence?”

“Certainly not!” exclaimed the young woman, and the businessman returned to his paper.

A short while later he looked across again and said “Would you let me kiss you for a thousand pounds?”

After a brief pause, the woman replied “yes, I suppose I would.” Again the man returned to his newspaper.

A few minutes later the man asked “Would you let me kiss you for five pounds?”

“Certainly not!” replied the young woman, getting angry now “What kind of girl do you take me for?”

“We’ve already established that” replied the man, “We’re just haggling over the price!”

Q: What did Adam say to Eve?

A: You’d better stand back, I don’t know how big this thing gets.

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