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Q: How do you confuse a blonde?

A: You don’t. They’re born that way.

If you’re a bear, you get to hibernate.
You do nothing but sleep for six months.
I could get used to that.

And another thing; before you hibernate,
you’re supposed to eat yourself stupid.
That wouldn’t bother me either.

If you’re a mama bear,
everyone knows you mean business;
you swat anyone who bothers your cubs.
If your cubs get out of line, you swat them, too.

You get to have all the mating
you want before you hibernate;
sleep during the birth of the cubs,
and not have any stretch marks.

Your husband expects you to growl
when you wake up.
He expects you to have hairy legs
and excess body fat.
And he finds that sexy.

A fellow walks into a bar very down on himself. As he walks up to the bar the bartender asks, “what’s the matter?”
The fellow replies, “well I’ve got these two horses (sniff,sniff), and well… I can’t tell them apart. I don’t know if I’m mixing up riding times or even feeding them the right foods.”
The bartender, feeling sorry for the guy, tries to think of somthing he can do. “Why don’t you try shaving the tail of one of the horses?”
The man stops crying and says, “that sounds like a good idea, I think I’ll try it.”
A few months later he comes back to the bar in worse condition than he was before. “What’s the matter now?” the bartender asks.
The fellow, in no condition to be in public, answers, “I shaved the tail of one of the horses (sob, sob), but it grew back and I can’t tell them apart again!”
The bartender, now just wanting him to shut up or leave says, “why don’t you try shaving the mane, maybe that will not grow back.”
The fellow stops crying, has a few drinks, and leaves. A few months later the fellow is back in the bar. The bartender has never seen anybody in this sorry of a state. Without the bartender even asking the fellow breaks into his problems. “I.. I shaved the (sob) mane of one of the (sniff) horses, and… it… it… grew back!”
The bartenter, now furious at the guy’s general stupidity, yells, “for crying out loud, just measure the stupid horses. Perhaps one is slightly taller that the other one!” The fellow can not believe what the bartender has said and storms out of the bar.
The next day the fellow comes running back into the bar as if he had just won the lottery. “It worked, it worked!” he exclaims. “I measured the horses and the black one is two inches taller than the white one!”

Q: Did you hear the joke about the roof?
A: Never mind, it’s over your head!

It was the blonde’s first day at her new job as a cashier at the local grocers.

When checking out with just a few items, a customer placed one of those order dividers, that they keep by the cash register, between his things and the items from the woman behind him in line so they wouldn’t get mixed.

After the blonde had scanned all of his items, she picked up the divider and began looking it carefully over.

Obviously, she had been looking for a barcode and upon not finding one, she asked, “Do you know how much this is?”

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