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The doctor tells his patient: “Well I have good news and bad news…”

The patient says, “Lay it on me Doc. What’s the bad news?”

“You have Alzheimer’s disease.”

“Good heavens! What’s the good news?”

“You can go home and forget about it!”

A man is walking down the beach and comes across an old bottle. Picking it up, he pulls out the cork…
Sure enough, out pops a huge blue genie. The genie says, “Thank you for freeing me from my prison. In return I will grant you three wishes.”
The man says “Perfect…. I always dreamed of this and I know exactly what I want. First, I want 1 Billion dollars in a Swiss bank account.”
Suddenly, there is a flash of light and a detailed list with Swiss Bank account numbers appears in his hand.
He continues, “Next, I want a brand new red Ferrari right here.”
There is another flash of light and a bright red Ferrari appears right next to him.
He continues, “Finally, I want to be irrestible to women.”
A final blaze of light and he turns into a box of chocolates!

Q: Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women?
A: He died laughing before he could tell anybody.

An English professor wrote the words, “woman without her man is a savage”
on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it correctly.

The men wrote: “Woman, without her man, is a savage.”

The women wrote: “Woman: Without her, man is a savage.”

A young man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at McDonald’s. He noticed that they had ordered one meal, and an extra drink cup. As he watched, the older gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries, one for him, one for her, until each had half of them.
Then the old man poured half of the soft drink into the extra cup and set that in front of his wife. The old man then began to eat, and his wife sat watching, with her hands folded in her lap.
The young man decided to ask if they would allow him to purchase another meal for them so that they didn’t have to split theirs.
The old gentleman said, “Oh, no. We’ve been married 50 years, and everything has always been and will always be shared, 50/50.”
The young man then asked the wife if she was going to eat, and she replied, “Not yet. It’s HIS turn with the teeth.”



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