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Two nuns went out of the convent to sell cookies. One of them is known as Sister Mathematical (SM) and the other one is known as Sister Logical(SL).
It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.

SL: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past half-hour?
SM.: Yes, I wonder what he wants.
SL: It’s logical. He wants to have his way with us.
SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most. What can we do?
SL: The only logical thing to do of course is that we have to start walking faster.
SM: It is not working.
SL: Of course it is not working. The man did the only obvious thing to do. He started to walk faster too.
SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.
SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I’ll go this way. He cannot follow both of us.

So the man decided to go after Sister Logical.
Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried because Sister Logical has not yet arrived.
Finally, Sister Logical arrives.

SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell us what happened!
SL: The only logical thing happened. The man could not follow both of us, so he followed me.
SM: So, what happened? Please tell us.
SL: The only logical thing to happen. I started to run as fast as I could.
SM: So what happened?
SL: The only logical thing to happen. The man also started to run as fast as he could.
SM: And what else?
SL: The only logical thing to happen. He reached me.
SM: Oh, no! What did you do then?
SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.
SM: Oh, Sister. What did the man do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.
SM: Oh, no! What happened then?
SL: Isn’t it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than a man with his pants down!

Q: Why don’t blondes in San Francisco wear short black mini skirts?

A: Cause their balls show!

It is Saturday night and Sean is in an Irish pub in Cricklewood. He soon strikes up a conversation with the fellow next to him at the bar. Sean says, “I must stop drinking all this Irish whiskey.”
“Why do you want to do that?” asked his companion.
“Because every Saturday night I go out and drink a half a bottle of the stuff, come home drunk, make mad passionate love to my wife, wake up Sunday morning, and go to church.”
“What’s wrong with that?” the friend asks. “A lot of good Irishmen go out on Saturday night, drink a half bottle of good Irish whiskey, come home drunk, make love to the wife, and go to mass on Sunday.”
“I know,” said Sean, “but I’m Jewish.”

One day a boy asks his dad, “What’s the difference between a pussy and a cunt?”
Dad thought for a minute and said, “Come with me.”
He took his son to his mother’s bedroom, where she was sleeping nude. “Son,” he whispered, “see that brown soft furry patch? That is a pussy.”
The boy asked, “May I touch it to see how soft and furry it is?”
“No!” replied his father. “That might wake up the cunt.”

Q: What’s the moral of the story about Jonah and the whale?
A: You can’t keep a good man down!

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