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You have a working television on top of a broken one.
You have accidentally taken a drink from your spit can.
You have all the “Dukes of Hazzard” episodes on tape.
You have an above ground pool and you fish in it.
You have an air-conditioner on your front porch.
You have an aunt-mom and uncle dad.
You have an autographed picture of Bob Barker in your wallet.
You have an Elvis Jell-O mold.
You have at least five hunting dogs in your bed at night.
You have bantha horns on the front of your landspeeder.
You have barnyard animals living in your house.
You have been fired from a construction job because of your appearance.
You have beer cans all over your yard.
You have borrowed gravel from the county road to fill potholes in your driveway.
You have buried a dog and cried like a baby.
You have driven off the road while examining your neighbors crops.
You have ever asked your dad for the keys to his Mack.
You have ever bar-b-qued Spam on the grill.
You have ever been asked to leave a yard sale
You have ever been evicted from a place you own.
You have ever been in a funeral where the flower truck was a pickup, particularly if it belonged to one of the family, more particularly if it was yours.
You have ever been shot at by the law.
You have ever been to drunk to walk, and drove home.
You have ever been too drunk to fish.
You have ever carried leftovers home in your handbag.
You have ever come home and heard a ruckus in the bathroom. When you looked in, one of the injured fowl had escaped, found the chicken in the mirror, and was currently fighting with said chicken.
You have ever decorated a birthday cake with a caulk gun.
You have ever dug up your driveway to fix your water line.
You have ever financed a tattoo
You have ever had a special loaded gun by the back door only for use on possums.
You have ever had an X-wing up on blocks in your yard.
You have ever had deer graze in your front yard close enough to the house that you could throw a rock and hit them.
You have ever had to climb up on the roof of an out building to get down any fowl that was frozen to the roof.
You have ever had to get up quickly in the morning in order to let the goat out before she dropped raisins on the kitchen floor.
You have ever had to gift-wrap a tire.
You have ever had to stop at a car wash on the way to a funeral to wash the dump dirt from the back of your pickup so you can use it as a flower truck.
You have ever had to wash off in the backyard with a garden hose before your wife would let you in the house.
You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingy to get the bar-b-q grill to light.
You have ever made a frog-gigging spear.
You have ever mowed the grass and found a car.
You have ever opened a beer bottle with your truck door.
You have ever peed in the sink cuz your mom was hogging up the outhouse.
You have ever removed the 3-9 zoom scope from your deer rifle to use at a KISS concert.

Q. Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
A. Because that’s where your supposed to wash vegetables.

Q: What do you get from an Alaskan cow?
A: Cold cream! or, Ice Milk and Ice Cream!

A guy runs into a bar and says to the bartender, “Give me twenty shots of your best scotch, quick!” The bartender pours out the shots, and the guy drinks them as fast as he can.

The bartender says, “Wow. I never saw anybody drink that fast.”

The guy replies, “Well, you’d drink that fast too if you had what I have.”

The bartender says “Oh my God! What is it? What do you have?” The guy says, “Fifty cents.”

Q: “Was your wife a virgin when you married?”
A: “I don’t know. Some say yes. Some say no.”



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