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Two elderly women were out driving in a large car-both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself “I must be losing it, I could have sworn we just went through a red light.”

After a few more minutes they came to another intersection and the light was red again and again they went right though. This time the woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention to the road and the next intersection to see what was going on.

At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they went right through and she turned to the other woman and said, “Mildred! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row! You could have killed us!”

Mildred turned to her and said, “Oh, am I driving?”

The rehearsal dinner is held at Hooters.

Instead of “friends of the bride or friends of the groom?”, ushers ask “Ford or Chevy?”

Bridesmaids wear pink tube tops and the groomsmen wear Travis Tritt t-shirts.

Phrase “I Do” is replaced by “I Heard That!”

Tender rendition of “The Wedding Song” is replaced by “Rocky Top” and performed by Boxcar Willie.

When the minister asks, “Who Giveth This Woman To Be Married…” some guy in the back stands up and hollers “Earnhardt!”

Reception conversation includes the phrase, “Been to Dollywood lately, Earl?”

Snack trays and beverages at reception include vienna sausages (smoked, of course), nacho cheese Doritos and grandma’s own moonshine.

Plans for the Honeymoon evening include tickets to the Monster Truck Show.

The sign in front of the church reads: No Shirt… No Shoes… No Problem!

A language instructor was explaining to her class that French nouns, unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine. Things like ‘chalk’ or ‘pencil,’ she described, would have a gender association although in English these words were neutral.
Puzzled, one student raised his hand and asked, “What gender is a computer?”
The teacher wasn’t certain which it was, and so divided the class into two groups and asked them to decide if a computer should be masculine or feminine. One group was comprised of the women in the class, and the other, of men. Both groups were asked to give four reasons for their recommendation.

The group of women concluded that computers should be referred to in the masculine gender because:

1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
3. They are supposed to help you solve your problems, but half the time they ARE the problem.
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you might have had a better model.

The men, on the other hand, decided that computers should definitely be referred to in the feminine gender because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

Q: What is six inches long, has a bald head, and drives women crazy?

A: A hundred dollar bill.

Q: What do smart blondes and UFO’s have in common?

A: You always hear about them but you never see them.



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