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Q: How can you tell soap operas are fictional?

A: In real life, men aren’t affectionate in bed.

Q: If Atlas supported the world on his shoulders, who supported Atlas?
A: His wife!

Q: Where do cows go on holiday?
A: Moo York

* Abstinence: Give Yourself a Hand!

* I say zip it – zip it good!

* Just because it’s the most pleasurable sensation you’ll ever feel in your lifetime doesn’t mean you should rush right out and experience it.

* Hey, do you want Ken Starr all over your ass?!

* Wham, Bam, Thank You Hand!

* Just Say Whoa!

* The Pope does it – now *you* can, too!

* Abstinence: It’s not just for quarrels anymore!

* Leave It Near Beaver

* Don’t think of it as less sex – think of it as more time to watch “Babylon 5″ reruns.

* You’ve come a long way, Baby – for nothing!

* Abstinence: No f**kin’ way!

* Spend a little time away from the orifice.

* “Hello, this is President Clinton with an important message for young people…”

Q: Why did the barber win the race?
A: Because he took a short cut!



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