Joke's Database
     
Have fun searching 100254 jokes and pictures!


Saturday morning… Bob’s just about to set off on a round of golf when he realizes that he forgot to tell his wife that the guy who fixes the washing machine is coming around at noon. So Bob heads back to the clubhouse and phones home.
“Hello?” answers a little girl’s voice.
“Hi, honey, it’s Daddy,” says Bob. “Is Mummy near the phone?”
“No, Daddy. She’s upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Fred.”
After a brief pause, Bob says, “But you haven’t got an Uncle Fred, honey!”
“Yes, I do, and he’s upstairs in the bedroom with Mummy!”
“Okay, then. Here’s what I want you to do. Put down the phone, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout in to Mummy and Uncle Fred that my car’s just pulled up outside the house.”
“Okay, Daddy!”
A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone. “Well, I did what you said, Daddy.”
“And what happened?”
“Well, Mummy jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming, then she tripped over the rug and went out the front window and now she’s all dead.”
“Oh my god… And what about Uncle Fred?”
“He jumped out of bed with no clothes on too and he was all scared and he jumped out the back window into the swimming pool, but he must have forgot that last week you took out all the water to clean it, so he hit the bottom of the swimming pool and now he’s all dead too.”
There is a long pause, then Bob says, “Swimming pool? Is this 555-5555?

Q: How many men does it take to wallpaper a bathroom?
A: Three, if you slice them very thinly.

There were 3 women, a redhead, a brunette, and a blonde.
All three work together. Each day their boss leaves an hour earlier, while the 3 stay and clean up.
One day when the boss had gone the brunette lady said “It’s not fair we shouldn’t stay an hour longer, lets go.”
So they left.
The next day they all said what they did.
“I had a romantic dinner with my husband,” said the brunette lady.
“I went to the beach with my boyfriend,” said the red haired lady.
And the blonde said, “I nearly got caught by the boss, because I went home and she was in the shower with my husband, so I quickly went out of the house!”

Q. Why did the blonde like the car with a sunroof?
A. More leg-room!

Q: Why don’t blondes use vibrators?
A: Because they are scared they might chip thier teeth!!!



© 2015 ijokedb.com