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Q: What’s a blonde’s favorite wine?
A: “Daddy! can I go to Miami!


* 40-ish

* Adventurer
Has had more partners than you ever will

* Athletic

* Average looking

* Beautiful
Pathological liar

* Contagious Smile
Bring your penicillin

* Educated
College dropout

* Emotionally Secure

* Feminist
Fat; ball buster

* Free spirit
Substance user

* Friendship first
Trying to live down reputation as slut

* Fun

* Gentle

* Good Listener
Borderline Autistic

* New-Age
All body hair, all the time

* Old-fashioned
Lights out, missionary position only

* Open-minded

* Outgoing

* Passionate

* Poet
Depressive Schzophrenic

* Professional
Real Witch

* Redhead
Shops the Clairol section

* Reubenesque
Grossly Fat

* Romantic
Looks better by candle light

* Voluptuous
Very Fat

* Weight proportional to height
Hugely Fat

* Wants Soulmate
One step away from stalking

* Widow
Nagged first husband to death

* Young at heart
Toothless crone


* 40-ish
52 and looking for 25-yr-old

* Athletic
Sits on the couch and watches ESPN

* Average looking
Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, & back

* Educated
Will always treat you like an idiot

* Free Spirit
Sleeps with your sister

* Friendship first
As long as friendship involves nudity

* Fun
Good with a remote and a six pack

* Good looking

* Honest
Pathological Liar

* Huggable
Overweight, more body hair than a bear

* Like to cuddle
Insecure, overly dependent

* Mature
Until you get to know him

* Open-minded
Wants to sleep with your sister but she’s not interested

* Physically fit
I spend a lot of time in front of mirror admiring myself

* Poet
Has written on a bathroom stall

* Spiritual
Once went to church with his grandmother on Easter Sunday

* Stable
Occasional stalker, but never arrested

* Thoughtful
Says “Please” when demanding a beer

Q: Why does it take so long to make a blonde snowman as opposed to a regular one?

A: You have to hollow out the head.

Men are from earth…
Women are from earth…

Deal with it.

A guy was trying to console a friend who’d just found his wife in bed with another man. “Get over it buddy,” he said. “It’s not the end of the world.”

“It’s all right for you to say,” answered his buddy. “But what if you came home one night and caught another man in bed with your wife?”

The fella ponders for a moment, then says, “I’d break his cane and kick his seeing-eye dog in the ass.”

© 2015