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Q: Did he really marry her because of her grandfathers fortune?
A: He denies it. He says he would have married her no matter who had left her a fortune!

A blond decides to go ice fishing, so she packs up all her gear, a blanket, a picnic, wine and her ice fishing gear She sits down on the ice, enjoys her picnic, has some wine and decides to cut the hole in the ice so she can fish.

Suddenly a voice comes out of nowhere and says, “There are no fish under the ice there.”

She looks around, shrugs, picks up her blanket and all her gear and moves down the ice a little further. She spreads the blanket, takes out her picnic gear and has some more to eat and drink. After a bit she decides to cut a hole in the ice to fish and again the voice comes out of the air. “There are no fish under the ice there.”

She moves her blanket and gear on down the ice and gets comfortable but this time goes right to cutting the hole in the ice. Again the voice comes out of the air. “There are no fish under the ice there.”

She looks around and not seeing anyone asks out loud, “Are you God? Who are you?”

And the voice replies, “The Rink Manager.”

Q: What do men and diapers have in common?
A: They are always on your ass and full of shit.

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we’re kids?
If you’re less than 10 years old, you’re so excited about aging that you think in fractions. How old are you?. “I’m four and a half. You’re never 36 and a half. You’re four and a half going on five!
That’s the key. You get into your teens, now they can’t hold you back. You jump to the next number. How old are you? “I’m gonna be 16.” You could be 12, but you’re gonna be 16.
And then the greatest day of your life happens, you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony: You BECOME 21! YES!
But then you turn 30. Ooohhh what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk. He TURNED, we had to throw him out. There’s no fun now.
What’s wrong? What changed? You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you’re PUSHING 40. Stay over there, it’s all slipping away!
You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, you’re PUSHING 40, you REACH 50 And your dreams are gone.
Then you MAKE IT to 60. You didn’t think you’d make it! So you BECOME 21, you TURN 30, you’re PUSHING 40, you REACH 50, you MAKE IT to 60. Then you build up so much speed you HIT 70!
After that, it’s a day by day thing. After that, you HIT Wednesday.
You get into your 80′s, you HIT lunch. My grandmother won’t even buy green bananas. It’s an investment you know, and maybe a bad one.
And it doesn’t end there. Into the 90′s you start going backwards.
I was JUST 92.
Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again: “I’m 100 and a half!”

Q: Do you know why Adam and Eve had the perfect marriage?
A: He didn’t have to listen to her talk about all the other men she COULD have married, and she didn’t have to put up with his Mother!

Why would you ever want to remarry an ex-spouse?
It’s like finding some sour milk, putting it in the trash for a couple of days, and then wondering to yourself: “Gee, I wonder if it’ll taste any better now.”

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